Well known comedian Steve Harvey wrote the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  In fact, I recommend that teen girls read this book which can prepare you for dating now and in the future! 

Steve tells a story how he worked for the Ford Motor Company in Cleveland, Ohio.  He had a 90-day probation period.  This meant that he didn't receive benefits such as health insurance until he passed the 90-day probation time.  He tells how the company wanted to make sure that he'd do a good job before they handed him everything.  Steve takes this 90-day probation period and applies it to dating but it can also be applied to your life.  You can change your life around in 90-days if you really want to do so.  It will take work on your part but it will be worth it in the end.

90-Days to a Happier Teen

Say a prayer of gratitude before you get out of bed.  It can be anything from "thank for a good night's sleep to thank you for the roof over my head to thank you for the breath in my lungs."  Expect to have a good day.  Say something like "I expect to have a great day or I'll have a good day today."  Setup your day in a positive manner.

When you look in the mirror, before you brush your teeth and floss, tell yourself that you love you!  Look into your eyes and say "I love you" and mean it.  Loving yourself is the best gift your can give to yourself.  When you truly love yourself the world will know it.

Stop trying to be someone else -- just be you.  There's no one else in the world that's like you.  Instead of trying to be like the popular guys or girls, embrace who you are as a person.  Learn to love you for you!

Give thanks and embrace your talents.  If you're good at playing the guitar, sports, painting, drawing, science, design, math, English, dancing, writing, or whatever you talents are embrace them with gusto.  Allow no one to speak down to you about your talents.  They could be jealous and wish they had your talents.  That's their problem and not yours.  Don't give up your talents or dim your light because other people may put off by it.  You'll only hurt yourself and the world by not shining brightly.

Think about your life and if you're happy with it.  Feel the anger, pain, and other emotions you may be feeling.  Get it all out of your system -- hold nothing back.  Exercise, paint, draw, meditate, write, dance, design, or whatever will help your process your emotions.  Work through them because you'll feel better.

Stay tuned for more on 90-Days to a Happier Teen!

This is Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter?  Many teens face issues with their weight but extreme dieting isn't the answer.  You may feel desperate for a solution but starving yourself or popping pills isn't the answer.  I'm speaking from experience. 

Before you embark on your weight loss journey, make sure you know why you want to lose the weight and how the weight piled onto your body.  Two to one it has nothing to do with food but the fact you're stuffing your emotions for various reasons.  Get to the root of the issue so you can be free from it once and for all!

Personal note on extreme dieting

I struggled with my weight as a kid and teenager.  I weighed 220 lbs. when I entered the 9th grade.  It was a miserable time for me.  Not only was I picked on by kids in my high school, certain family members picked on me as well.  This was much worse.  I mean, you're supposed to be able to count on your family.  I found out that's not always the case.

Anyway, I did some extreme dieting.  At the end of my sophomore year of high school I decided to do something about my weight.  I bought a workout outfit and began to workout 7-days a week.  I cut out junk food such as chips, hot dogs, candy, ice cream, fast food, and other unhealthy foods.  I asked my mom to buy me salad and fruit which is what I ate for the entire summer.  I also took diet pills.  I used my sister's rowing machine that was collected dust in the basement.  Fast forward to the beginning year of junior high, and I was 40 pounds lighter.  I still had more weight to drop, and I still got picked on but not as much.  Eventually, the kids stopped picking on me.

I continued to work on dropping weight.  I cut my calories to 500 per day and continued to workout 7-days a week.  I also dabbled with bulimia.  This is where you eat a lot of food then throw it up.  Except, I wasn't eating a lot of food -- I would throw up the 500 calories that I ate.  I called myself "a bulimic with an anorexic twist since I worked out 7-days a week.  I reached my goal weight of 120 lbs.  I felt better and looked good but I was ruining the inside of my body.  And, family members who picked on me for being fat now wondered why I was such a picky eater -- go figure!

The bottom line is that if you want to lose weight get to the "root" of the issue.  I lost 100 lbs. only to gain 60 lbs. of it back.  How did this happen?  I didn't work on the inside.  If you don't like who are or have low self-esteem, it won't matter if you lose the weight.  It will creep back on one pound at a time.  Get down and dirty to figure out "why" you carry the weight.

The good news is that I took of the 60 lbs. and then some because I realized that I had a lot "demons" to deal with it, most of which stemmed from my dysfunctional childhood.  That's not a shocker.  Most families are dysfunctional.  The bottom line is that I like the way I look, and I don't care what other people think.  One hundred fifteen to one hundred twenty pounds is comfortable for me.  I like the way I look and that's what matters most!

It's not a secret that our society is obsessed with looks.  Pick up any magazine and you'll see an image that may be distorted thanks to programs such as Photoshop.  Some of those bodies aren't real but the message they send is:  looks matter, skinny is better, and you should look this way.  Remember, looks can be deceiving.  And, who says that super skin and bones is better?

There's nothing wrong with shedding weight but when you go to extremes such as starvation, that's a problem.  Starving the body isn't a good idea because you could damage internal organs.  And, spending time in the hospital doesn't sound like much fun.

Extreme dieting can kill you

If you yo-yo diet, you could ruin your body from the inside out.  Popping diet pills isn't always the best idea.  You have no idea what's in these pills and some people have become addicted to diet pills or died from taking them.

Exercising 7-days a week (the body needs rest) can do more harm than good, especially if you're exercising with a ton of clothes on and it's hot outside!  It's all right to exercise when it's warm out as long as you're smart about it.  Wear loose fitting clothes and drink plenty of water.  Otherwise, you could wind up in the hospital or the morgue!

Take off weight the right way

You may be a teen girl or boy who wants to lose weight.  This is great but there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Talk to your parents and tell them you'd like to release 20 lbs. or more.  Speak to your doctor and find the right nutritional plan for you because diets don't work!  It's best to tackle your weight with the proper guidance instead of doing it alone.

Family support is imperative.  Chances are if you're an overweight teen, your family is overweight.  Obesity is running rampant in the U.S. and is catching up to the rest of the world.  Life's too short to be carrying extra weight around with you.  Extreme dieting is not the answer but eating right and exercising is.

In Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter? I'll share my personal experience about extreme dieting.  Perhaps it will help some of you out there who are struggling with your weight.  Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of a great life because you are you!

Playing sports can keep you out of trouble and teach you about teamwork at the same time.  Being part of a team is like being part of a family.  You watch out for one another and support one another.  If you're not playing sports, you may want to consider it.

Unfortunately, most schools are cutting extracurricular activities such as football, volleyball, baseball, track, softball, rugby, archery, basketball, and other sports programs.  This doesn't mean you can't play sports.  Get a group of friends together and create your own teams.  You can go to the park after your homework is finished or after school (get parent's permission) and play a game or two.  It will be great exercise for you!

Keeping out of trouble

Most teens get into trouble after school because parents work and no one is there to supervise them.  Is this you?  There's an alternative to wreaking havoc on your city or causing your parents grief.  Join a sports team and get involved in something that's fun and educational at the same time.

FYI:  Sports can save you from a life of crime or a life on the streets.  Just by being part of something that's bigger than you can help you change your life around for the better.

Some teens may frown upon playing sports and say that it's "lame" or for losers.  The only loser will be you if you keep getting into trouble.  You run the risk of being sent to Juvenile or Detention Hall.  How is that fun?  Why would you want to spend your teen years behind walls?  This doesn't make sense.  Playing sports can keep you from this unsavory life.  Just think about it.

Benefits of playing sports

If you want to get into a good college or university, sports can help you do that.  Many colleges and universities look at the extracurricular activities you were apart of when you were in high school.  This will make your application look well rounded.

Playing sports will teach you about teamwork.  One person can't do it all, even though it may seem like they can.  Think about it.  The offense and defense must work together in order to score points.  There may be individuals who stand out from time to time but all players are important to the success of a team.

If you need to shed a couple of pounds, playing sports is an excellent way to do this.  You'll lose weight because you'll be moving.  You won't be stuck in one spot like you are when you play video games.  Exercise is good for you and will keep you healthy and strong.

Sign up for a sport today

Playing sports is good for your mind, body, and soul.  You'll get fresh air if you play an outdoor sport.  You'll strengthen your bones and muscles.  Your mind will be getting exercise as well because you'll have to remember game plays and terminology.  Your soul will be cleansed because you'll be doing something you love and be part of a team.  It's all good!

Personal Note #1:  My grandfather used to stutter when he was a young boy.  The reason for his stuttering was due to his step-father who repeatedly hit him on the left side of his head.  My grandfather eventually left home and was on the streets at the age of 11 (this was back in the day around 1922), but that's another story.  My grandfather used to be embarrassed because he stuttered, but he eventually overcame his stuttering.  He was one of the smartest people I knew; he educated himself.

Personal Note #2:  I used to have a speech impediment.  I couldn't pronounce certain letters of the alphabet.  When I was in elementary school, I went to speech classes a few times a week to work on my speech.  At the time I felt ashamed and embarrassed.  I didn't know that my speech classes would help me in my adult life.  Here's an FYI:  when you attend college, you may have to give presentations which means you'll be speaking to a crowd of 30 or more.  My speech classes helped me to annunciate and pronounce my words and it helped me to listen closely to others.  I love public speaking (most people fear this) and enjoy giving presentations and teaching others.  You never know what gift you'll find from an adverse situation!

What's a communication disorder?  It deals with speech and language disorders which can be as simple as delays or problems with oral motor function.  Some teens may have issues with sound or may not understand or use language.

Examples of communication disorders

1.  Autism*
2.  Aphasia
3.  Asperger syndrome
4.  Dyscalculia
5.  Deafness
6.  Blindness
7.  Dyslexia

Examples of speech disorders

1.  Cluttering, a speech organization disorder
2.  Stuttering
3.  Speech sound disorder
4.  Oesophageal voice
5.  Specific language impairment
6.  Dysarthria

Autism seems to be the most prevalent communication disorder.  There's is hope if you're autistic.  With behavior therapy and social education, you can live a fulfilling life.  It may be necessary to really work at it, but with time and perseverance, you'll be able to make great strides that will take you into adulthood.*

As I mentioned, I love public speaking.  Most people are absolutely terrified if they have to get up in front of big crowd and speak.  Not me, I could speak in front of 10 or 10,000 people -- it doesn't make a difference to me.  My communication disorder as a young kid pushed me to develop my speaking skills.  I still get "butterflies in the stomach" before I speak, but that's just nervous energy; it burns off as I begin to speak.

If you have or know someone that has a communication disorder, it's nothing to be ashamed of and you can overcome it.  I know it will sound cliché to say that you'll realize your communication disorder can make you stronger and develop your character, but it's true.  Whatever adversity you face, even a communication disorder, can and will make you a stronger person.  Allow nothing and no one to stand in your way -- go around adversity with your head held high.  Here's to your success!

You, your sibling, or friend may have a learning disability.  This is nothing to feel ashamed about and it doesn't make you stupid.  Most people will face some type of adversity in their lives.

The most common learning disabilities are dyslexia and ADHD.  I'm not sure I agree with the diagnosis of ADHD because half the U.S. population seems to have attention deficit!  Ask someone to listen to an one hour teleseminar or watch a 15-minute video and they'd probably faint!  Anyway, if you have a learning disability you can overcome it and live a successful life.

Learning disabilities

Dyslexia is inherited and it means you have difficulty with sounds, reading, writing, and spelling; it's a neurological based disorder.  Most teens have difficulty with letters and numbers -- you see information backwards.  Dyslexia has nothing to do with your intelligence and if someone tells you it does, ignore them.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which means you can't focus on studying and learning.  You're easily distracted and can't concentrate.  You may be more active than your peers and act on your impulses all of the time. Symptoms of ADHD include but are not limited to the following:

1.  Have trouble waiting your turn.
2.  Restlessness.
3.  Organization is difficult.
4.  Get distracted even if you're enjoying what you're doing.
5.  Go from one activity to another (some people call this multi-tasking)
6.  Can't pay attention to details which causes avoidable mistakes to occur.
7.  Forgetful.

If you have a learning disability, you'll be able to overcome it with perseverance, dedication, and time.  Avoid giving up because you'll let yourself down.  You can overcome any obstacle in your life as long as you're determined to do so.  Allow no one to bring you down because chances are they're just insecure.  Stay strong and love who you are no matter what!

Some teens feel as if they don't fit in and they usually are loners who stick to themselves because it's less painful.  Some teens are super sensitive (emotionally) which can be an issue because other teens can be cruel and you're easily hurt.  Or, you pick up on the emotions (empathetic) which are not yours.  This can wreak havoc on your life if you're unaware of what's happening to you. 

What does indigo mean?  Indigos are highly intelligent, curious, strong willed, allergic to authority, independent, and often thought of as weird by family and friends.  Indigos tend to be loners because they can't find friends that resonate with them.  Or, they're drawn to other indigos and hang out with them.

Indigos have warrior spirits.  This helps them with their purpose which is to smash old systems that no longer serve mankind or haven't served mankind.  They'll question and stomp out government, educational and legal systems, and anything that lacks honesty and integrity.  Indigos have a fiery determination with a temper to match it!

Signs of being an indigo

1.  Super sensitive.
2.  Allergic to authority.
3.  Have a disdain for unethical behaviors.
4.  Have a strong feeling to ripping down established systems that are riddled with deceit, lies, lack of integrity, and don't serve mankind.
5.  Are able to pick out dishonest people in a crowd.  There's no use in lying to you because you're a "human" lie detector.
6.  Highly intuitive.
7.  Tend to be loners.
8.  Can't disregard your feelings (no reason to do this) or pretend that everything's okay.

It's been said that indigos have been appearing on Earth for the last 100 years or so.  The early indigo children are considered to be the trail blazers for those who have followed them.  A significant number of indigos were born after World War II.  In the 1970s another wave of indigo children was born.  This means these indigos are now in their late twenties and thirties (me) and are getting ready to step up to leadership roles.  Indigos were born up to 2000; they have amazing technological and creative advancements.

Unfortunately, many teens (and adults) don't know they're indigo or their families don't know how to handle it.  This is why so many teens are misdiagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder) or ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).  You then become medicated which numbs your spiritual gifts, sensitivity, and warrior energy.

If you're indigo, chances are you know when someone is lying to you.  You can't stand manipulators or people who patronize you or others.  Indigos are strong because of their warrior spirit and this can be threatening to others.  Dysfunctional situations won't work for indigos.  This means you'll feel icky at school or home because of the negative energy.  Unless you're medicated, there's no way you'll be able to disregard your feelings and pretend everything's all right.

You could be an indigo child and may not even know it.  You may want to get Doreen Virtue's book The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children.  This book can help you embrace who you are and clean up your diet because what you eat will affect you.  Love who you are -- know that you're not alone!

Teens, some of you begin dating when you're 14 years-old.  Some of you may start dating when you're 16 years-old.  Whenever you begin to date, make sure you're responsible.  This means no drinking and driving and practicing safe sex if you're sexually active.

Dating can be thrilling and exciting; it can always be scary.  When you date, just have fun.  Avoid getting caught up in the whole romance of it and make it something that you're not ready for.  Even adults (especially women) fall into the trap of building up a date.  Before you know it, you're walking down the aisle, and having two kids!  Just date...be in the present moment and enjoy being a teen.

If you think you're sexually active, make sure you're prepared.  Read my blog "Teens Learn about Birth Control" to learn about the different forms of birth control.  It's imperative that you protect yourself by using a condom because you can contract STDs or STIs.

Dating tips

1.  Make sure you're ready to date.
2.  Have fun and avoid being "all serious" about dating -- you're a teen!
3.  Avoid allowing dating to interfere with your school work or extracurricular activities.
4.  Avoid giving up your identity for the sake of your boyfriend/girlfriend.
5.  If you breakup, know that it's not the end of the world, you'll find someone else.
6.  Protect yourself if you're sexually active.
7.  Enjoy being a teen.  If you don't date as a teen, you'll have plenty of opportunities when you're an adult.  Chances are you'll be more emotionally mature and ready anyway.

Dating can be exciting, but make sure it doesn't take over your life.  Your grades are important if you have a desire to go to college or university.  If your grades begin a downward slide, you may want to take a break from dating.

When you date, make sure you retain who you are.  Girls have a tendency more than boys to lose themselves in the dating world.  They drop their friends, extracurricular activities, hobbies, and grades when they get a boyfriend.  Avoid doing this because you'll fall into a pattern that you could carry into your adult life.  Yes, it's fun to have a boyfriend, but don't lose your identity because of it.  Be who you are and take time for yourself.  There's no reason to spend every waking moment (even in school) with your boyfriend.  Guys this goes for you as well.  Avoid getting wrapped up in a girl because chances are they will not be the "one."

Teens when you date just remember that you're a teen.  You'll have plenty of dating time when you reach adulthood.  If you happen to experience a break up, it may suck at first, but you'll survive.  Just think of it as practice.  Mourn the breakup but avoid going overboard about it.  You're young; you'll bounce back in no time and may find someone better.  Take your time and don't be in a hurry to grow up!

When you lose a parent your world can turn upside down in an instant.  Being a teenager isn't easy and you need your parents for guidance.  When one or both of them die, you may feel that a hole has been cut out of your heart.  You may not know how to deal with the death and turn to self-destructive and self-sabotaging behaviors.  Avoid this at all cost.  Grieve for your parents, but don't throw your life away.  Remember that one day you'll see them again.

It's difficult when you lose a parent as a teen.  I didn't experience the death of my father until 2004 when I was 31, but I had friends that lost parents when they were teens.  One of my friends in my elementary school lost her mom in the 8th grade.  A few months later, her dad died.  What do you say besides "I'm sorry?"  Luckily, she had an older brother to lean on for support along with other family members.

Losing your mom or dad can be one of the worst experiences of your life, especially for girls.  They go to their mom for personal issues more than they do their dad.  What do you do if you're a teen girl and your mom dies?  Hopefully, you have female siblings or role models in your life that you are comfortable with and can open up about certain topics like sex, dating, fashion, etc...that you may not be comfortable speaking with your dad.  This goes for boys as well.  You may not be comfortable speaking to your mom about certain topics.  Find male role models that can fill that space.

Tips to coping with the death of a parent

1.  Join a support group for teens.
2.  Talk to your sibling(s), friends, living parent, family members, guidance counselor, therapist, priest, Rabbi, minister, spiritual counselor, or whomever you trust.
3.  Let all of your emotions out.  Forgot about being strong and holding it in because you'll do more damage to your body and psyche than you know!  Let it all out and grieve.
4.  Visit your parent's grave if that helps you stay connected.
5.  Celebrate your parent's death by remembering them every day, on their birthday, and during the holidays.
6.  Volunteer at your parent's favorite organization.
7.  Raise money if your mom or dad has died from a disease.
8.  Know that you'll always have your mom and dad with you.

Avoid punishing yourself for your parent's death.  Some teens believe it's their fault when their mom or dad dies.  They begin to feel guilty because they didn't listen, were difficult, or didn't try harder in school.  It's not your fault if your mom or dad became sick.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people -- that's the way it is.

If you lost or just lost your mom or dad, get help today.  Avoid bottling up your emotions because you'll explode like a pressure cooker.  Talk to people and let them help you.  Self-sabotaging yourself with drugs, alcohol, and other dangerous behavior is not the answer.  If you're pissed off and angry, go 10 rounds in the gym or take up martial arts.  Get your emotions out in a healthy way.  Life will get better with time.  It's a clichéd saying, but it's true.  Give yourself time to grieve and be gentle as you go through the process.  Your world just came crashing down -- it's not like you'll be all right overnight.  Take care of yourself  and life will slowly get back to normal.

Links

Coping with Grief and Loss:  Support for Grieving
eHealth
Helping Teenagers Cope with Death

This is Part Two of the blog "Teens Stay Away from Gangs."  It will address why teens join gangs and how to avoid them. 

Being in a gang is not what it's cracked up to be.  Think about it.  You take orders from someone else.  Do you really want to give your power away to someone?  Who has the right to tell you what to do?  It's interesting that teens join gangs because most teens can't stand it when their parents tell them what to do.  But yet, teens join gangs where the leader and second in commands will tell you what to do.  Go figure!

Why join a gang?

Many teens join gangs because they want a sense of belonging.  Parents are usually self-absorbed or into drugs and alcohol.  Teens don't have good role models anyone that gives a damn about them.  Gangs come across as "family" who will do whatever it takes to protect their own.  And, they mean anything.  They have no problem taking out rival gang members.  Depending on which state you live in, you could face 20 to life for murder.  Does that sound good if you're 16 years-old?  Think about that before you join a gang.  You'll be putting your life on the line.

How to avoid gangs

Don't get caught up in school fights.  Go to the local youth center, church program, or library after school.  Take part in extracurricular activities that keep you at school under the watchful eye of teachers and coaches.  Many gang members are just looking for a sense of belonging.  Perhaps if they had something to do after school, they wouldn't be in gangs.

It sucks if you have to be on your own after school, I get it.  I was a "latch-key" kid which means mom and dad were not home when I got home.  I came home to empty house and the dog.  My parents were working to keep a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back.  I was very fortunate that my parents weren't strung out on drugs.  However, my father had a drinking problem, but I dealt with that they best I could.  I made the decision not to get into trouble because I knew the consequences I would face if I did.  And, I'm not talking about gang related consequences.  My mom and dad would have ripped me a new one if I got into trouble!  Plus, going to a juvenile detention center wasn't appealing to me.

Teens stay away from gangs.  Find something to do after school.  Here's a tip:  do your homework and read!  Go to the local YMCA/YWCA, youth center, or library.  Get involved at school and join extracurricular activities if you can.  Seek out adults who'll be there for you when your parents are at work or are not around to care for you.   Remember you have a choice.  You can either make something of yourself or you can go down a path that can lead you to an early grave or life in prison.  The choice is yours.  Make sure you think about that before you decide to join a gang.

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