You may not come from a cohesive, loving, gets along every day family but this doesn't mean you can't control your actions.  By now you understand right from wrong.  If you're acting out to get attention, it won't work.  It usually has the opposite affect such as punishment by your parents or worse, being sent to JV or detention home.

Your hormones are raging and you may be pissed off at the world.  Most teens usually go through some sort of teen angst.  Ask your parents about their teenage years.  It could be a way to open up the lines of communication if they've been shut.

It's best to deal with any issues you have today.  Waiting until you become an adult isn't the best solution.  How does carrying emotional baggage around with you for the rest of your life sound to you?  It's like a life sentence!  Many adults who experienced rough teenage years don't get to the root of their issues.  They carry around baggage with them that can go back 20 or more years.  Ouch!  Talk about a heavy load to carry from year-to-year.  This doesn't have to be your fate.

If you're doing stuff that's not good for you or society, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself "why?"  What are you getting out of it?  Who are you making wrong?  Who are you making right?  What's the point of it?  Inner reflection can be good for the soul.

You can't keep blaming your parents.  They're doing the best they can or did they best they could.  It's up to you to change your life for the better.  No one can make you do it.  You have the power to change.  Forget about worrying about your "friends" will say.  True friends wouldn't recommend that you do stuff that puts your life in jeopardy.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be liberating.  It's the first step to cleaning up your act.  It's up to you to realize you deserve the best in life.  Maybe you need to a life coach and or counselor.  Find someone who's willing to listen.  Get it all out of your system and ask help.  You'll be glad you did and you are worth it!

You just have to love the adults in your life.  Sometimes when they open their mouths, the most negative words come out.  These words can do more damage than a punch to the stomach.  If you have people in your life that cut you down, just ignore them.

Sometimes the adults in your life don't realize how their words impact you.  Words can damage you for the rest of your life if you allow them to do so.  You have the power to delete the vile words that have been spoken over you.  Begin today so your present and future won't be tainted.

My niece's experience

My niece will be a senior in high school next year.  She's applying to colleges in Ohio and has begun to visit the colleges/universities of her choice.  I'm very supportive of her as are my mom and sister (her mom).   However, my niece's other grandma isn't that supportive.  She told my niece that she wasn't smart enough to get into the college of her dreams and questioned why my niece wanted to go to school far away.  I know the answer to the latter part of the question -- she wants to get away from certain family members.

My niece had a meltdown because her grandma, a family member, cut her and her dream down.  I immediately emailed my niece after I heard this.  Needless to say, I was absolutely livid and wanted to give the other grandma a piece of my mind.  After I calmed down, I realized that some people are still "asleep" and don't realize the power and impact of their words. 

I coached my niece and suggested she visualize herself at the college of her choice.  I gave her some affirmations to say so she could override and delete the words of the other grandma.  My niece is smart enough not to listen to this side of the family, but I wanted to ensure that she cleared out this negativity.

You are smart enough

If you have a strong desire to study a certain field or begin your own business, allow no one, not even family members to stop you.  When they say stuff like, "...you're not smart enough, you won't succeed, you'll never reach your goals, or there's no way you can do it," look at them and say, "....thank you for sharing."  Walk or run away from these people as fast as you can.  It's unfortunate, but you may have to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until you feel strong enough to be around them.

You create your life

What you can believe you can achieve is what Napoleon Hill said.  You have the power to live the life you want to now and in the future.  Limit the amount of time you spend around negative people.  In fact, it would be best if you stay away from these people all together.  Sometimes it's not easy to do because they're usually family members.  You can always excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or for a walk.  Clear you mind and picture yourself surrounded by a white light of protection.  Take a deep breath and realize that your family members are doing the best they can -- they're just asleep in their lives.

The next time someone tries to squash your dreams just ignore them.  Send them lots of love because they don't know what they're doing.  It's your life and you can be, do, and have anything you want.  You'll be required to take "inspired action."  When you do you'll create a beautiful life for you and that's what matters most!

Okay, you know  the saying "no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks," although some of you may have given your teachers cause to give you a "dirty" or disappointed look! 

What are you going to do for the summer?  Will you hang around the house and do nothing?  Will you antagonize your younger sibling(s)?  Maybe you'll hang out at the recreation center and swim all day long.  Whatever you do, make sure it's a productive and fun summer.

There's no excuse not to keep your mind sharp just because you don't have homework.  Read a couple of books to keep your mind engaged.  This way you'll be prepared when you go back in the fall.

You could play baseball or softball.  These two sports are big in the summer.  Being part of a team will be good for you.  You'll learn leadership skills, how to work together to achieve a common goal, and discipline.  Plus, it's a great way to stay in shape.

What to do over summer break

  1.  Volunteer at your favorite not-for-profit organization.
  2.  Read a couple of books.
  3.  Get a part-time job or start your own small business.
  4.  Join sports.
  5.  Go to camp.
  6.  Go to camp and become a camp counselor.
  7.  Create art.
  8.  Write.
  9.  Travel with the family or be an exchange student.
10.  Clean out the garage and or basement for your parents.
11.  Have a garage sale.
12.  Get in shape.
13.  Pickup litter around your neighborhood.

There's a lot you can do over the summer.  Lounging around the house and playing videos is one option but you may already do this.  Get off your butt and find something constructive to do such as take a few classes at your local recreation center.  Volunteer and give of your time.  Create a fundraiser for your favorite charity and donate the money.

You can do a lot over the summer.  It's your break from school, but you don't have to waste all of the time.  Help out more around the house or start looking at colleges and universities.  Put your "thinking cap" on and do something productive right now!

Playing sports can keep you out of trouble and teach you about teamwork at the same time.  Being part of a team is like being part of a family.  You watch out for one another and support one another.  If you're not playing sports, you may want to consider it.

Unfortunately, most schools are cutting extracurricular activities such as football, volleyball, baseball, track, softball, rugby, archery, basketball, and other sports programs.  This doesn't mean you can't play sports.  Get a group of friends together and create your own teams.  You can go to the park after your homework is finished or after school (get parent's permission) and play a game or two.  It will be great exercise for you!

Keeping out of trouble

Most teens get into trouble after school because parents work and no one is there to supervise them.  Is this you?  There's an alternative to wreaking havoc on your city or causing your parents grief.  Join a sports team and get involved in something that's fun and educational at the same time.

FYI:  Sports can save you from a life of crime or a life on the streets.  Just by being part of something that's bigger than you can help you change your life around for the better.

Some teens may frown upon playing sports and say that it's "lame" or for losers.  The only loser will be you if you keep getting into trouble.  You run the risk of being sent to Juvenile or Detention Hall.  How is that fun?  Why would you want to spend your teen years behind walls?  This doesn't make sense.  Playing sports can keep you from this unsavory life.  Just think about it.

Benefits of playing sports

If you want to get into a good college or university, sports can help you do that.  Many colleges and universities look at the extracurricular activities you were apart of when you were in high school.  This will make your application look well rounded.

Playing sports will teach you about teamwork.  One person can't do it all, even though it may seem like they can.  Think about it.  The offense and defense must work together in order to score points.  There may be individuals who stand out from time to time but all players are important to the success of a team.

If you need to shed a couple of pounds, playing sports is an excellent way to do this.  You'll lose weight because you'll be moving.  You won't be stuck in one spot like you are when you play video games.  Exercise is good for you and will keep you healthy and strong.

Sign up for a sport today

Playing sports is good for your mind, body, and soul.  You'll get fresh air if you play an outdoor sport.  You'll strengthen your bones and muscles.  Your mind will be getting exercise as well because you'll have to remember game plays and terminology.  Your soul will be cleansed because you'll be doing something you love and be part of a team.  It's all good!

Many teens will be graduating either from the 8th or 12th grade.  Eighth graders will be moving onto the 9th grade which means high school.  This can be scary!  High school seniors are graduating from the security of high school and into the "real world" which can be scarier than being a freshman in high school!  Graduation day doesn't have to be scary; it's a matter of perception.

Graduating from the eighth grade is exciting because you're no longer in junior or middle school (depending on your part of the world) but moving onto high school.  Some teens are afraid of not being accepted because they were a "big fish in a small pond" and now they'll be a "small fish in a big pond."  Some may be afraid because they'll be around junior and senior teens that can be intimidating, especially if you're still growing!  Remember these teens were once in your shoes -- everyone was once a freshman.

Tips for 9th Grade

1.  Remember, everyone was once a freshman.
2.  Look at it as a new beginning to be who you really want to be.
3.  Forget about getting caught up in any "drama" because it will drain your energy.
4.  Immerse yourself in activities that bring you joy.

Tips for High School Seniors

1.  Take a gap year to explore the world before you go to college or university.
2.  Realize that your dreams will change over time so avoid putting pressure on yourself to choose the "right" career.
3.  Reflect on the past four years and see how you changed and how much more you can grow.

High school seniors will leave the comfort and familiarity of high school.  Perhaps you were king or queen of the school but that's about to change because you're going off to college as a freshman.  Yep!  You get to be a freshman all over again, except this time it will be a little different. 

When you go to college, you'll no longer have "status" on compass.  This can be scary.  First, you're at college to learn not to compete in popularity contests.  Second, you could become popular (if that's important to you) all over again.  Finally, your college professors won't hold your hand.  If your work isn't turned in on time -- you'll face the consequences.

Perhaps after high school you'll take a "gap year" to explore the world.  Students in the UK and other countries do this.  They put off college for one year to explore and find out what they really want out of college.  This is a fabulous idea because you may find out that you have no desire to go to college.  Maybe you'll start a business or learn a trade.  It's up to you.

Graduation means you've completed another chapter or book in your life and ready for the next adventure.  Live life to the fullest and pursue your dreams.  Allow no one to tell you what career, business, or profession to pursue.  Experience everything that life has to offer and enjoy the ride!

You probably don't think about your teachers that much.  Some of you may consider them to be a pain in the butt because they give you homework or push you to do better.  Did you realize that your teachers do more than teach?  They wear many hats such as teacher, counselor, coach, act like a surrogate mom or dad, and tutor in addition to other roles they play.  And, they're definitely not paid a salary that covers these other roles!

The next time you're inclined to give your teacher a hard time, remember they're doing their job which is to teach and prepare you for college and adult life.  If I were you, I'd enjoy the teen years for as long as you can because once you turn 18, it will be a different "game" for some of you.  You'll be off to college without mom and dad and on your own.  If you think your professors and instructors will "coddle" or "buy" your excuses why your assignments aren't complete, you're in for a rude awakening.  They're going to pass or fail you -- it's that simple.

Respect is a two way street.  You must first respect yourself before anyone else will respect you.  If you have teachers that give you a hard time, ask yourself "why?"  It could be that you don't respect yourself enough for someone to show you respect.  Demanding and commanding respect is two different concepts.  When you demand respect, it's like stomping your foot like a child and throwing a temper tantrum.  When you command respect, you hold your head high and walk into a room with your shoulders back.  You're groomed and look good.  You exude confidence which makes people notice you.

Teachers are doing the best they can.  They're usually given limited amounts of funds and end up purchasing supplies with their own money.  And you wonder why school levies don't pass.  It's not that people don't want to support local schools, they do.  It has to do with bureaucrats who mismanage funds.  This means teens suffer for it in the long run.

Make your teachers life easy and pay attention in class.  Forget about being the tough guy or girl.  Forget about being the comedian because people can see right through that.  If you're acting out that means there's something beneath the surface that needs to be addressed.  You aren't fooling anyone.  Do your best in school because it's the foundation you'll need to succeed in life!  So...the next time you walk into class, say "hello" to your teacher and be sincere about it.  Who knows, you could make their day!

Teens often experience bullying at school, but they also experience it online.  This is known as cyberbullying.  In fact, some teens have committed suicide because of the bullying they received over the internet.  FYI:  bullying is not cool, and the person doing the bullying is usually insecure which is why they feel the need to pick on someone else.

What is cyberbullying?  It's when a teens use technologies such as the internet or cell phones (text messaging) to continually embarrass, threaten, harass, or harm others.  Cyberbullying ranges from offensive emails to postings on social networks to spreading rumors in a chat room.  FYI:  The information you put on the internet can be found by anyone.  This includes college recruiters.  If you plan to go to college chances are you can kiss your acceptance goodbye!

A cyberbully remains anonymous.  Hiding behind technology such as a computer is easier than facing another person.  This is why most social media networks have taken off.  You get to remain anonymous. 

Cyberbullying is no laughing matter.  Some teens have committed suicide because of the harassment they received at the hands of another.  In fact, some criminal charges have been filed against some of the cyberbullies.  Think about this before you attack, embarrass, or threaten another teen because you could find yourself doing time in jail!

Treat others how you'd like to be treated.  Would you harass or pick on yourself?  What would make you pick on another teen?  Is it a sense of power?  Actually, bullying someone else is a weakness.  When you bully another, you're really bullying yourself.  You're insecure and have deep issues that need resolving.  Find an outlet for your pain and anger.  Cyberbullying is not the answer!

Links
STOP cyberbullying
National Crime Prevention Council
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Smoking is not that cool!  Most teens begin to smoke because their friends smoke or they want to look cool.  Some teens see their parents smoke so they feel it is okay for them to smoke.  Believe me, smoking is not cool.

I had my first smoke when I was in the 6th grade.  My friend began smoking so I wanted to see what it was like.  I choked on my first drag.  Years later when I entered high school, I began to smoke because my friends were able to buy them -- they were not carded!  The people who sold them the cigarettes could have been in major trouble for selling to minors.

I thought smoking made me look cool and it seemed to melt my troubles away.  I didn't come from a "white picket fence" background.  My family life was a mess and smoking seemed to alleviate all the pain I was feeling.  Unfortunately, smoking is only a temporary relief.

Luckily for me, I wasn't a constant or heavy smoker.  I'd stop and start and wouldn't smoke that much.  However, the fact that I was smoking wasn't a good sign.  My lungs didn't appreciate it!

When you smoke, your hair and clothes stink.  Your teeth get stained which doesn't make for a pretty picture.  Of course, I didn't realize all of this until I quit smoking three years ago. When I was around smokers, I noticed how my clothes smelled.  Yuck!  First of all, I love fashion.  It makes no sense to spend good money on clothing if you're going to ruin them with cigarette smoke!  And, I love to get my hair done.  It makes no sense to spend over $100 to get your hair cut, styled, hi-lighted, and colored if you're going to smoke because it will dull your hair.

FYI:  I haven't had cigarette since 2007 and it's been great.  I have more stamina, and I can hike South Mountain Park in Phoenix, AZ without huffing and puffing!

Before you light up and begin smoking, ask yourself "why" you're smoking.  What appeals to you about smoking?  How does it make you feel?  What influence do your friends and parents have on you?  Think about these questions before you put that cigarette to your lips and inhale.  You could save yourself from medical complications now or down the road!

Links
Venomocity
Young Women's Health
Tween and Teen Health
Do Something

Each year many teens run away from home.  They live on the streets and up fending for themselves.  Some of them form groups and live together in abandoned buildings or go to shelters.  Unfortunately, the streets are not a safe place to be.  You could wind up losing your life or become involved in teen prostitution.  Think about that before you pack your bags and head out on your own.

Teens in abusive environments usually run away from home.  Their parents or guardians physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse them.  Some parents are addicted and don't take care of their teens.  This is why teens take to the streets because they believe it will be a better alternative to living in an unstable home environment.

Consequences of running away

What will you do for money?  Teens turn to drugs and prostitution in order to survive. In order to survive teens turn to pimps and drug dealers because they believe these people will protect them.  This is not true.  Drug dealers and pimps and are out for number one and to make money -- that's the bottom line.

Teens that run away are more likely to be infected by the age of 21 with HIV or other diseases.  You could also lose your life.  You don't know who you'll meet when you're on the streets.  Unfortunately, some people who live on the street have mental problems.  You could run into some trouble with homeless people who may be mentally unstable.  These people don't receive medical treatment and won't know or understand what they're doing to you.

Alternatives to running away

Running away won't solve your problems.  If you have trouble at home, tell a guidance counselor, confidant, friends, teachers, or anyone you trust.  There is help for you.  It's up to you to ask for it and trust that everything will work out in your favor.

It's true that all group homes are not created equally.  However, there are some group homes that are in your area that offer love, support, and kindness.  There are people who really do care about you and your well being. 

Don't give up

Even if you think your home life is unbearable, don't take to the streets.  At the end of this post are links to organizations that can help you.  Contact them first before you run away.  You don't know what you'll face on the streets; it could be 20 times worse than your current situation.  Have the courage to pick up the phone to change your life.  Have faith that it will be okay.

Links

Covenant House
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
Child Find of America, Inc.
Teen Runaway -- Positive Alternatives
National Runaway Switchboard

Teens, some of you begin dating when you're 14 years-old.  Some of you may start dating when you're 16 years-old.  Whenever you begin to date, make sure you're responsible.  This means no drinking and driving and practicing safe sex if you're sexually active.

Dating can be thrilling and exciting; it can always be scary.  When you date, just have fun.  Avoid getting caught up in the whole romance of it and make it something that you're not ready for.  Even adults (especially women) fall into the trap of building up a date.  Before you know it, you're walking down the aisle, and having two kids!  Just date...be in the present moment and enjoy being a teen.

If you think you're sexually active, make sure you're prepared.  Read my blog "Teens Learn about Birth Control" to learn about the different forms of birth control.  It's imperative that you protect yourself by using a condom because you can contract STDs or STIs.

Dating tips

1.  Make sure you're ready to date.
2.  Have fun and avoid being "all serious" about dating -- you're a teen!
3.  Avoid allowing dating to interfere with your school work or extracurricular activities.
4.  Avoid giving up your identity for the sake of your boyfriend/girlfriend.
5.  If you breakup, know that it's not the end of the world, you'll find someone else.
6.  Protect yourself if you're sexually active.
7.  Enjoy being a teen.  If you don't date as a teen, you'll have plenty of opportunities when you're an adult.  Chances are you'll be more emotionally mature and ready anyway.

Dating can be exciting, but make sure it doesn't take over your life.  Your grades are important if you have a desire to go to college or university.  If your grades begin a downward slide, you may want to take a break from dating.

When you date, make sure you retain who you are.  Girls have a tendency more than boys to lose themselves in the dating world.  They drop their friends, extracurricular activities, hobbies, and grades when they get a boyfriend.  Avoid doing this because you'll fall into a pattern that you could carry into your adult life.  Yes, it's fun to have a boyfriend, but don't lose your identity because of it.  Be who you are and take time for yourself.  There's no reason to spend every waking moment (even in school) with your boyfriend.  Guys this goes for you as well.  Avoid getting wrapped up in a girl because chances are they will not be the "one."

Teens when you date just remember that you're a teen.  You'll have plenty of dating time when you reach adulthood.  If you happen to experience a break up, it may suck at first, but you'll survive.  Just think of it as practice.  Mourn the breakup but avoid going overboard about it.  You're young; you'll bounce back in no time and may find someone better.  Take your time and don't be in a hurry to grow up!