You may not come from a cohesive, loving, gets along every day family but this doesn't mean you can't control your actions.  By now you understand right from wrong.  If you're acting out to get attention, it won't work.  It usually has the opposite affect such as punishment by your parents or worse, being sent to JV or detention home.

Your hormones are raging and you may be pissed off at the world.  Most teens usually go through some sort of teen angst.  Ask your parents about their teenage years.  It could be a way to open up the lines of communication if they've been shut.

It's best to deal with any issues you have today.  Waiting until you become an adult isn't the best solution.  How does carrying emotional baggage around with you for the rest of your life sound to you?  It's like a life sentence!  Many adults who experienced rough teenage years don't get to the root of their issues.  They carry around baggage with them that can go back 20 or more years.  Ouch!  Talk about a heavy load to carry from year-to-year.  This doesn't have to be your fate.

If you're doing stuff that's not good for you or society, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself "why?"  What are you getting out of it?  Who are you making wrong?  Who are you making right?  What's the point of it?  Inner reflection can be good for the soul.

You can't keep blaming your parents.  They're doing the best they can or did they best they could.  It's up to you to change your life for the better.  No one can make you do it.  You have the power to change.  Forget about worrying about your "friends" will say.  True friends wouldn't recommend that you do stuff that puts your life in jeopardy.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be liberating.  It's the first step to cleaning up your act.  It's up to you to realize you deserve the best in life.  Maybe you need to a life coach and or counselor.  Find someone who's willing to listen.  Get it all out of your system and ask help.  You'll be glad you did and you are worth it!

Okay, you know  the saying "no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks," although some of you may have given your teachers cause to give you a "dirty" or disappointed look! 

What are you going to do for the summer?  Will you hang around the house and do nothing?  Will you antagonize your younger sibling(s)?  Maybe you'll hang out at the recreation center and swim all day long.  Whatever you do, make sure it's a productive and fun summer.

There's no excuse not to keep your mind sharp just because you don't have homework.  Read a couple of books to keep your mind engaged.  This way you'll be prepared when you go back in the fall.

You could play baseball or softball.  These two sports are big in the summer.  Being part of a team will be good for you.  You'll learn leadership skills, how to work together to achieve a common goal, and discipline.  Plus, it's a great way to stay in shape.

What to do over summer break

  1.  Volunteer at your favorite not-for-profit organization.
  2.  Read a couple of books.
  3.  Get a part-time job or start your own small business.
  4.  Join sports.
  5.  Go to camp.
  6.  Go to camp and become a camp counselor.
  7.  Create art.
  8.  Write.
  9.  Travel with the family or be an exchange student.
10.  Clean out the garage and or basement for your parents.
11.  Have a garage sale.
12.  Get in shape.
13.  Pickup litter around your neighborhood.

There's a lot you can do over the summer.  Lounging around the house and playing videos is one option but you may already do this.  Get off your butt and find something constructive to do such as take a few classes at your local recreation center.  Volunteer and give of your time.  Create a fundraiser for your favorite charity and donate the money.

You can do a lot over the summer.  It's your break from school, but you don't have to waste all of the time.  Help out more around the house or start looking at colleges and universities.  Put your "thinking cap" on and do something productive right now!

Smoking is not that cool!  Most teens begin to smoke because their friends smoke or they want to look cool.  Some teens see their parents smoke so they feel it is okay for them to smoke.  Believe me, smoking is not cool.

I had my first smoke when I was in the 6th grade.  My friend began smoking so I wanted to see what it was like.  I choked on my first drag.  Years later when I entered high school, I began to smoke because my friends were able to buy them -- they were not carded!  The people who sold them the cigarettes could have been in major trouble for selling to minors.

I thought smoking made me look cool and it seemed to melt my troubles away.  I didn't come from a "white picket fence" background.  My family life was a mess and smoking seemed to alleviate all the pain I was feeling.  Unfortunately, smoking is only a temporary relief.

Luckily for me, I wasn't a constant or heavy smoker.  I'd stop and start and wouldn't smoke that much.  However, the fact that I was smoking wasn't a good sign.  My lungs didn't appreciate it!

When you smoke, your hair and clothes stink.  Your teeth get stained which doesn't make for a pretty picture.  Of course, I didn't realize all of this until I quit smoking three years ago. When I was around smokers, I noticed how my clothes smelled.  Yuck!  First of all, I love fashion.  It makes no sense to spend good money on clothing if you're going to ruin them with cigarette smoke!  And, I love to get my hair done.  It makes no sense to spend over $100 to get your hair cut, styled, hi-lighted, and colored if you're going to smoke because it will dull your hair.

FYI:  I haven't had cigarette since 2007 and it's been great.  I have more stamina, and I can hike South Mountain Park in Phoenix, AZ without huffing and puffing!

Before you light up and begin smoking, ask yourself "why" you're smoking.  What appeals to you about smoking?  How does it make you feel?  What influence do your friends and parents have on you?  Think about these questions before you put that cigarette to your lips and inhale.  You could save yourself from medical complications now or down the road!

Links
Venomocity
Young Women's Health
Tween and Teen Health
Do Something

Being a teenager can be challenging.  One challenge is making friends.  Some teens have an easy time making friends while other struggle to make one friend.  The key is to make the "right" friends.  Avoid getting caught up in the "popularity" contests of schools because it's not all what it's cracked up to be.  Remember, all that glitters is not gold!

Many teens long to be part of the popular clicks in school.  Why?  Sometimes they're not the nicest teens in school.  What would make you want to be part of a group of people who may cause others pain?  In fact, that's a sign of weakness and insecurity.  Are you weak or insecure?  Think about that before you do whatever it takes to become part of the popular crowd.

Make friends that are right for you.  Find other teens that you share common interests with and eat lunch together and hang out after school.  These friendships are real and authentic.  Cultivating these types of friendships will serve you now and in the future.

Become friends with other teens who understand the meaning of friendship.  Being a good friend means you'll be there through the good and bad times.  You won't bale if you hit a rough patch.  These are friends who'll have your back no matter what.

A true friend will not ask you to do something illegal or something your uncomfortable doing.  Yes, all teens face peer pressure at some point in time, but a true friend will not ask you to put yourself in harm's way just to have a good time. 

Forget about outer appearances.  A person may look nice on the outside but the inside is another story.  Did you know that the most beautiful people in the world can have the ugliest personalities?  It's true.  You may believe that a teen is good and kind because he/ she is handsome or pretty, but he/she could have a personality that can send you running for your life.  Ouch!  Do you really want to hang around another teen that isn't that great of a person?  Your life could become a living hell!  Is that what you want?

Teens make friends that are right for you.  Surround yourself with like-minded teens and those who are positive.  Being around other teens that are known as "Debbie Downers or Negative Nick's" can drain your energy.  Choose your friends wisely!

This is Part Two of the blog "Teens Stay Away from Gangs."  It will address why teens join gangs and how to avoid them. 

Being in a gang is not what it's cracked up to be.  Think about it.  You take orders from someone else.  Do you really want to give your power away to someone?  Who has the right to tell you what to do?  It's interesting that teens join gangs because most teens can't stand it when their parents tell them what to do.  But yet, teens join gangs where the leader and second in commands will tell you what to do.  Go figure!

Why join a gang?

Many teens join gangs because they want a sense of belonging.  Parents are usually self-absorbed or into drugs and alcohol.  Teens don't have good role models anyone that gives a damn about them.  Gangs come across as "family" who will do whatever it takes to protect their own.  And, they mean anything.  They have no problem taking out rival gang members.  Depending on which state you live in, you could face 20 to life for murder.  Does that sound good if you're 16 years-old?  Think about that before you join a gang.  You'll be putting your life on the line.

How to avoid gangs

Don't get caught up in school fights.  Go to the local youth center, church program, or library after school.  Take part in extracurricular activities that keep you at school under the watchful eye of teachers and coaches.  Many gang members are just looking for a sense of belonging.  Perhaps if they had something to do after school, they wouldn't be in gangs.

It sucks if you have to be on your own after school, I get it.  I was a "latch-key" kid which means mom and dad were not home when I got home.  I came home to empty house and the dog.  My parents were working to keep a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back.  I was very fortunate that my parents weren't strung out on drugs.  However, my father had a drinking problem, but I dealt with that they best I could.  I made the decision not to get into trouble because I knew the consequences I would face if I did.  And, I'm not talking about gang related consequences.  My mom and dad would have ripped me a new one if I got into trouble!  Plus, going to a juvenile detention center wasn't appealing to me.

Teens stay away from gangs.  Find something to do after school.  Here's a tip:  do your homework and read!  Go to the local YMCA/YWCA, youth center, or library.  Get involved at school and join extracurricular activities if you can.  Seek out adults who'll be there for you when your parents are at work or are not around to care for you.   Remember you have a choice.  You can either make something of yourself or you can go down a path that can lead you to an early grave or life in prison.  The choice is yours.  Make sure you think about that before you decide to join a gang.

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Some teens think that being apart of a gang is cool.  Others belong to gangs because they give them a sense of family and belonging.  The fact is that gangs can ruin your life because all of the trouble you'll get into by being with them.  You just don't join a gang.  You must be initiated into it and that can lead you down a path you may not want to walk.

European-American gangs date back to the 1780s.  Street gangs in the U.S. can be traced back to the 1800s.  Gangs are not new.  They gained momentum in the U.S. in the late 1960s.  The Vietnam War was raging and poverty was growing in America.  Poor socio-economic conditions across the U.S. led to the formation of gangs and they've been going strong since that time.  It's been reported that they are 500,000 gang members in the U.S.  That's the size of a large city!

Initiation into a gang

To be initiated into a gang you'll either are "jumped" which means you fight the most powerful gang members for 30 seconds.  Another initiation tactic is to get "walked in" which means you have a friendship with the leader of the gang.  You could be "trained into" a gang.  This is when you have sex with all of the guy or girl gangsters.  If you do something worthy like steal something or kill a member of a rival gang then you can become apart of the gang.  It's amazing how well organized gangs are.  They have all of these rituals and initiation that it's like becoming part of a secret society!

Signs, symbols and colors

Gangs usually have their own signs, symbols, and colors.  In most urban areas you can see gang symbols on city walls.  Graffiti or tagging is usually the handy work of gangs.  Skateboards also tag some of the work could be done by them as well.

1.  Colors.
2.  Hand signs.
3.  Clothing such as shoes, baggy pants, bandannas, football team jackets (right color), and other accessories can be found in gangs.
4.  Tattoos are popular.
5.  Pagers.
6.  Weapons such as guns, knives, and chains.

If you're from a rival gang and wear another gang's colors that could mean trouble for you.  Many teens wind up in the hospital or morgue because they wore the wrong color or they're trying to intimidate rival gangs.  This is not a smart move.

This concludes Part 1 of "Teens Stay Away from Gangs."  Part 2 will address why teens join gangs and how they can avoid them.  If you're approached to join a gang, just say no!  Stay out of fights in school, keep your focus on school, and do the best you can.  You will make it if you really desire to do so!

Believe it or not I, Rebecca, was once a shy teen.  It seems like only yesterday that I would try to hide behind my desk in school hoping the teacher wouldn't call on me.  That didn't work.  The teacher would call on me.  I started opening up in the 8th grade.  In fact, my 8th grade teacher told me to go back into my shell because I was becoming very outspoken.  Her words could have put me back into my shell.  Being a stubborn and bullheaded teen, I did the opposite.  I came out of my shell even more!  Once I got to high school there was no looking back.

Many teens that are shy have low self-esteem and self-confidence.  They usually have a deep fear of not being good enough.  You are good enough.  Loving yourself is the first step to overcoming your shyness.  Look in the mirror every day and say, "...I am beautiful and everybody loves or I love you."  Saying "I love you" to yourself may seem weird or be difficult at first, but in time it will become natural. 

Some teens have trouble voicing their opinion.   You have every right to speak your opinion.  Napoleon Hill said, "...opinions are the cheapest commodities."  Everyone has opinions and they are not afraid to share them.  Try voicing your opinions with family and friends.  This way you'll be in a safe environment and will not feel overwhelmed.  You'll also gain confidence and improve your self-esteem.

Tips to overcoming shyness

1.  Smile at people.
2.  Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself that you love you.
3.  Become friends with at least two people whom you share similar interests.
4.  Join groups that interest you.
5.  Begin to voice your opinion with people whom you trust.
6.  Volunteer for your favorite charity -- you may have to be 16 years old to do this one.
7.  Get a pen pal -- someone you write to who lives in another country.  Ask your parents first before you do this.

Making friends can be difficult if you're a shy teen.  You may have a fear of rejection which is why you may not have friends.  Find people who have similar interests.  If you like chess, join the chess club.  If you like theater, join the drama club.  If you like cheering for sports teams, try out for the cheerleading team.  The last one may be daunting but do it anyway.  Feel the fear and step into it.  This is the only way you'll overcome your shyness.  You must DO something about it.

Some teens use shyness as a protective barrier.  Perhaps they've been hurt and feel they can't trust people.  They'll stick to themselves and stay in their shell just like a turtle.  When turtles feel threatened, they pull their heads into their hard shell and remain still so they can't be hurt.  Being like a turtle all of the time is not healthy.  Come out of your shell and be part of the world.  Yes, you may get hurt, but that's life.  Deal with it and move forward with your life.  It will get better.

Teens with a little work and perseverance, you can overcome your shyness.  It's a choice.  You can choose to be shy or not.  Life is meant to be fun!  It would be ashame if you spent the rest of your life being shy.  People will not get to see your talents, hear your brilliant ideas, and get to know the real you.  Take baby steps to break out of your shell today and tomorrow you can begin to live your life to the fullest!

Parents often pass their values to their teens.  Here are some definitions for values taken from Dictionary.com:

1.  Relative worth, merit, or importance: the value of a college education; the value of a queen in chess.

2.  Import or meaning; force; significance: the value of a word.

3.  Values, Sociology. The ideals, customs, institutions, etc., of a society toward which the people of the group have an affective regard. These values may be positive, as cleanliness, freedom, or education, or negative, as cruelty, crime, or blasphemy.

4. Ethics.  Any object or quality desirable as a means or as an end in itself.

5.  To consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance.

6.  To regard or esteem highly:  He values her friendship.

Values are a set of principles that you live your life.  What are your values?  Do you even have a values system?  Your values today will shape the person you'll be tomorrow.  They  will help you to focus on what is important in your life.  They'll help you to make clear decisions and take the right or inspired action steps.

If you don't have anyone in your life right now to show you what "values" are then take a look at the list of values on this post.  You may already have some of these values or may want to incorporate them into your life.

Examples of values

Integrity
Honesty
Intuition
Gratitude
Fairness
Trust
Loyalty
Respect
Dependability
Humility
Success
Unity
Warmth
Silence
Wealth
Simplicity
Recreation
Professionalism
Originality
Perseverance
Determination
Foresight
Ingenuity
Ambitious
Studious

Having a values system is important because it will help you to function in this world.  You'll encounter people throughout life who don't have your highest good in mind.  It's up to you to be able to spot those people a mile away and stop them in their tracks.  You can do this by relying on your values system.  If someone is deceptive and deception is not one of your values then don't allow that person into your mix.  Simply say "no thanks" and move forward with your life.  And, there's no reason to feel guilty about it!

Values can keep you on your path.  Do your best to avoid the fast talkers who may appear in your life.  Sooner or later, they'll burn out and fade away into the background.  Always do what is best according to your values system.  Forget about what others are doing because it doesn't concern you.  Focus on you and your values; you'll be just fine!

Teens when you say NO it means no.  Don't allow another person to pressure you into  something you're not comfortable doing.  Avoid following PEER PRESSURE such as, "...if you're my friend, you'll help me; if you love me, you'll have sex with me; if you want me to be happy, you'll go along with my plan."  These are bully tactics -- don't fall for them!

Unfortunately, life is not always easy.  Sometimes we're put into situations that are uncomfortable but they're necessary for us to grow as a person.  Yes, this sucks big time, but it's how we learn!

If you're feeling pressured to have sex, say no and mean it.  Please don't fall for the B.S. lines such as, "if you love me, you'll do it; everyone's doing it; you're not normal if you don't want to do it; these pressure tactics are based on the other person's fear and insecurity.  If someone REALLY and TRULY loves you, they will not pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable doing.

Disclaimer:  You may have to "suck it up" and go to your grandparents.  However, make sure you voice your opinion why you don't want to go.  Just don't say, "...no, I don't want to go."  You'll still have to get into the SUV, but you'll feel great because you spoke up for yourself.

Set your boundaries today because they'll serve you later in life.  Never give your power away to another.  If you don't want to try out for the baseball team, tell your parents you have no desire to play baseball.  Respect your parents, but don't let them push you into extracurricular activities that you don't want to do.  It's your life not theirs!

Saying no and meaning it will not come easy for some teens because you may have the "care giver archetype."  There's nothing wrong with this as long as you're coming from the healthy side of it.  If you're prone to martyrdom and enabling behaviors, you'll feel the negative side of this archetype.  Remember that everything has a positive and a negative.

It's liberating to say no.  Stand your ground.  Don't allow someone to force you to do something you don't want to do.  You have every right to say no, especially if you may get into trouble.  If your friends respect you and really are your friends, they will not ask you to put yourself in harm's way.  Think about that before you agree to do something that doesn't feel right or is wrong in the "eyes of the law" or according to your values systems.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – "U.S. children eat an average three snacks a day on top of three regular meals, a finding that could explain why the childhood obesity rate has risen to more than 16 percent, researchers said on Tuesday.  Children snack so often that they are "moving toward constant eating," Carmen Piernas and Barry Popkin of the University of North Carolina reported."  The report will fuel President Obama's fight on childhood obesity. Read more about snacking and constant eating in this article.

More than 27 percent of calories kids eat come from snacks. Holy cow!  Teens it seems some of you are eating three snacks per day!  Salty snacks and candy are eaten the most.  Did you know that the caloric intake of children has increased by 113 calories per day from 1977 to 2006?  This is a huge jump!

What's this:  Snacks are foods eaten outside of regular meals. 

Some teens eat because they're bored.  Are you one of them?  Others are emotional eaters meaning you eat when you're feeling happy or sad.  Do you eat when you're feeling blue?  What are you eating?  Fast food?  Sweets?  Do you drink soda?  Evaluating what you eat will help you locate the unhealthy choices you're making or being made for you.

Tips to curbing your appetite

1.  Don't watch TV and eat at the same time.
2.  Eat slow and put your fork down.
3.  Savor your food; chew 20 times.
4.  Drink plenty of water.
5.  Chew sugar free gum.
6.  Eat foods that are in fiber.
7.  Carry healthy snacks with you such as nuts, granola, peanut butter, trail mix, and other nutritious snacks.
8.  Eat a well-balanced breakfast.

Teens, studies have shown that if you're obese now chances are you'll be obese as an adult.  You can develop chronic illnesses such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes at an early age.  This is no way to live.  Your teen years are supposed to be fun not riddled with adult diseases.

You can improve your nutritional standards by asking mom and dad to purchase fresh fruits and vegetables.  Organic is the best.  Don't forget to get plenty of exercise and drink water instead of soda!