Well known comedian Steve Harvey wrote the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  In fact, I recommend that teen girls read this book which can prepare you for dating now and in the future! 

Steve tells a story how he worked for the Ford Motor Company in Cleveland, Ohio.  He had a 90-day probation period.  This meant that he didn't receive benefits such as health insurance until he passed the 90-day probation time.  He tells how the company wanted to make sure that he'd do a good job before they handed him everything.  Steve takes this 90-day probation period and applies it to dating but it can also be applied to your life.  You can change your life around in 90-days if you really want to do so.  It will take work on your part but it will be worth it in the end.

90-Days to a Happier Teen

Say a prayer of gratitude before you get out of bed.  It can be anything from "thank for a good night's sleep to thank you for the roof over my head to thank you for the breath in my lungs."  Expect to have a good day.  Say something like "I expect to have a great day or I'll have a good day today."  Setup your day in a positive manner.

When you look in the mirror, before you brush your teeth and floss, tell yourself that you love you!  Look into your eyes and say "I love you" and mean it.  Loving yourself is the best gift your can give to yourself.  When you truly love yourself the world will know it.

Stop trying to be someone else -- just be you.  There's no one else in the world that's like you.  Instead of trying to be like the popular guys or girls, embrace who you are as a person.  Learn to love you for you!

Give thanks and embrace your talents.  If you're good at playing the guitar, sports, painting, drawing, science, design, math, English, dancing, writing, or whatever you talents are embrace them with gusto.  Allow no one to speak down to you about your talents.  They could be jealous and wish they had your talents.  That's their problem and not yours.  Don't give up your talents or dim your light because other people may put off by it.  You'll only hurt yourself and the world by not shining brightly.

Think about your life and if you're happy with it.  Feel the anger, pain, and other emotions you may be feeling.  Get it all out of your system -- hold nothing back.  Exercise, paint, draw, meditate, write, dance, design, or whatever will help your process your emotions.  Work through them because you'll feel better.

Stay tuned for more on 90-Days to a Happier Teen!

On the July 1, 2010 episode of Dr. Phil, a mother who's an alcoholic was on the show along with her teenage daughter.   The mother also brought her friend for support.  The daughter believed her mother's alcoholism was her fault.  Her mom was under stress and she believed that she was responsible for the stress, therefore, causing her mom to drink 15 beers or more per day.  Take note:  it wasn't the daughter's fault.  The mother was capable of making her own decisions.  No one held a gun to her head and told her she had to drink beer every day.

Dr. Phil reached out to the mom and offered her help via a rehab facility in Texas.  The catch was the mom had to leave right after to show in order to receive treatment.  There was no going back home because that would provide temptation to stay and do nothing.  The mom took the offer.

Why do teens believe alcoholism is their fault?

Speak to any psychologist and they'll tell you that children internalize everything.  This is why the teenage girl thought her mom's drinking was her fault.  She heard and listened to her mom's complaints of being stressed.  The daughter internalized it as her fault because if the mom didn't have to take care of her and the home, she wouldn't be stressed.  It gets worse -- the girl thought her mom would die from drinking and it would be her fault.  It wouldn't be her fault; it would be the mother's fault because she continued on a self-destructive path.

It's not your fault

It's not your fault if your mom or dad is an alcoholic.  Chances are they're pissed off because their life didn't turn out the way they thought it would.  They're mad at the world because people around them are receiving the breaks they feel should go to them.  Again, it's not your fault.  Your mom or dad chose to drink, whether consciously or unconsciously; it's their life.

The embarrassment of alcoholism

The girl on the Dr. Phil episode was embarrassed by her mother's drinking.  She couldn't have friends over the house.  You could hear the pain in her voice when she spoke about her mom's drinking problem.

When the mom would take her to soccer practice and games, she'd make a fool out of herself and embarrass her daughter.  Yes, sometimes the mom drove under the influence.  She eventually received a D.U.I. (driving under the influence).

Solution

Being a teenager is awkward enough.  The teen years can become unbearable when you add an alcoholic mom or dad to the mix.  You may feel alone most of the time but help is available.  Organizations such as Alateen and Al-Anon can help you understand alcoholism. 

Have compassion and forgiveness for your mom or dad.  They're doing the best they can.  Forgiving them doesn't mean that what they've done to you is all right.  It's a way to release you from the situation.  Remember, it's not your fault!

Teens often experience bullying at school, but they also experience it online.  This is known as cyberbullying.  In fact, some teens have committed suicide because of the bullying they received over the internet.  FYI:  bullying is not cool, and the person doing the bullying is usually insecure which is why they feel the need to pick on someone else.

What is cyberbullying?  It's when a teens use technologies such as the internet or cell phones (text messaging) to continually embarrass, threaten, harass, or harm others.  Cyberbullying ranges from offensive emails to postings on social networks to spreading rumors in a chat room.  FYI:  The information you put on the internet can be found by anyone.  This includes college recruiters.  If you plan to go to college chances are you can kiss your acceptance goodbye!

A cyberbully remains anonymous.  Hiding behind technology such as a computer is easier than facing another person.  This is why most social media networks have taken off.  You get to remain anonymous. 

Cyberbullying is no laughing matter.  Some teens have committed suicide because of the harassment they received at the hands of another.  In fact, some criminal charges have been filed against some of the cyberbullies.  Think about this before you attack, embarrass, or threaten another teen because you could find yourself doing time in jail!

Treat others how you'd like to be treated.  Would you harass or pick on yourself?  What would make you pick on another teen?  Is it a sense of power?  Actually, bullying someone else is a weakness.  When you bully another, you're really bullying yourself.  You're insecure and have deep issues that need resolving.  Find an outlet for your pain and anger.  Cyberbullying is not the answer!

Links
STOP cyberbullying
National Crime Prevention Council
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Each year many teens run away from home.  They live on the streets and up fending for themselves.  Some of them form groups and live together in abandoned buildings or go to shelters.  Unfortunately, the streets are not a safe place to be.  You could wind up losing your life or become involved in teen prostitution.  Think about that before you pack your bags and head out on your own.

Teens in abusive environments usually run away from home.  Their parents or guardians physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse them.  Some parents are addicted and don't take care of their teens.  This is why teens take to the streets because they believe it will be a better alternative to living in an unstable home environment.

Consequences of running away

What will you do for money?  Teens turn to drugs and prostitution in order to survive. In order to survive teens turn to pimps and drug dealers because they believe these people will protect them.  This is not true.  Drug dealers and pimps and are out for number one and to make money -- that's the bottom line.

Teens that run away are more likely to be infected by the age of 21 with HIV or other diseases.  You could also lose your life.  You don't know who you'll meet when you're on the streets.  Unfortunately, some people who live on the street have mental problems.  You could run into some trouble with homeless people who may be mentally unstable.  These people don't receive medical treatment and won't know or understand what they're doing to you.

Alternatives to running away

Running away won't solve your problems.  If you have trouble at home, tell a guidance counselor, confidant, friends, teachers, or anyone you trust.  There is help for you.  It's up to you to ask for it and trust that everything will work out in your favor.

It's true that all group homes are not created equally.  However, there are some group homes that are in your area that offer love, support, and kindness.  There are people who really do care about you and your well being. 

Don't give up

Even if you think your home life is unbearable, don't take to the streets.  At the end of this post are links to organizations that can help you.  Contact them first before you run away.  You don't know what you'll face on the streets; it could be 20 times worse than your current situation.  Have the courage to pick up the phone to change your life.  Have faith that it will be okay.

Links

Covenant House
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
Child Find of America, Inc.
Teen Runaway -- Positive Alternatives
National Runaway Switchboard

So many teens experience violence at schools.  From fist fights to actual shootings, 63% of youths fear they may die a violent death.  Nine out of 10 murders are committed by youth.  And, each day over 5,000 teenagers are victims of violent crimes.  Stop the insanity of violence!

Many teens instigate and follow through on violent crimes against other teens.  Juvenile detention centers are filled with teen boys and girls who have committed a violent act.  Some teens have been abused which leads them to acts of violence while others come from poverty.  Abuse breeds abuse that's how it is.  Living in deplorable conditions takes a toll on ones psyche.  If you don't have good role models, you may feel that you can never escape your conditions.  This is not true.  You can escape your current conditions if that's what you truly desire.

The world has changed which means being a teenager has changed.  Back in the day, you couldn't get away with much because the neighbors would tell your parents what you did.  Then you'd have to face the wrath of your parents.  Today, role models for teens are few and far between because people are caught up within their own lives.  They have their own families to take care of, and they forget about the teens who may not have a stable or secure environment.  Plus, government cut backs means not-for-profit organizations receive less money which means they may have to close youth centers.  This means teenagers are looking after themselves which is not a good idea.

Teens, you also learn about violence from the media.  Your video games, movies, and television programs are filled with violent acts which could plant seeds in your head.  Violent programs breed fear which could lead you to do something you'll regret.  Personally, I believe violence is a choice.  If you have mental health issues then a violent movie could lead you to commit an act of violence.  However, if you don't have mental health issues and fully understand right from wrong then there's no excuse for violence.

Teens stop being violent towards one another.  Life is meant to be joyous and happy not full of anger and rage.  If you experience these emotions on a daily basis, ask for help and learn how to channel them into something that is positive.  Don't succumb to violence because you could throw your future away in an instant.  Does jail sound like fun?  What about getting a life sentence?  Take an active interest in your life.  Seek out people who can help you turn your life around so you'll have a better tomorrow and future.  Stop the violence today!

Every 18 seconds someone is abused.  Teens dealing with domestic violence get help.  No one has the right to abuse you, not even your parents.  It may be scary to tell someone about what is going on at home, but the sooner you do the better.

Domestic violence happens for numerous reasons.  Sometimes parents were abused as children.  If they don't receive counseling or deal with the abuse, they're more than likely to be abusers.  Remember, nine times out of ten, parents raise their children based on they were raised. 

Teens, you don't have to deal with domestic violence on your own.  Tell your grandparents, teacher, guidance counselor, minister, or whomever you trust.  Get help today so tomorrow you can live a better life.

Domestic Violence can happen anywhere, at any time.  It does not discriminate.  If you're in a domestic violence situation, get help today.  Call the Domestic Violence hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

Why does domestic violence occur?  Some parents can't handle the pressures of life and they snap.  Others were abused as children or witnessed their mom or dad being abused.  It's a vicious cycle that will repeat itself if it's not dealt with in the proper manner.

Teens if you're involved in a domestic violence situation get help today because your life depends on it.  No one deserves to be in this situation.  Remember that it's NOT your fault.  Have the courage to speak up and don't lie about your situation because that will make matters worse.  Get the support you need so you can live a happy and healthy life now and in the future.

Holding your emotions inside is like being a pressure cooker.  Sooner or later you will explode!  Let your emotions out in a safe and healthy manner.  Holding everything inside of you is not good for you.  Studies have shown that your emotions and thoughts do contribute to your mental and physical well being.

There's no reason to hold your emotions inside of you.  It's cathartic to yell, scream, and cry.  You'll release whatever it is that's upsetting your from your body, mind, and spirit.  You have every right to feel the way you feel.  However, keeping it all inside will not do you any good.

Tips to letting your emotions out

1.  Speak to someone.  Confide in your best friend, sibling, parent(s), teacher(s), guidance counselor, or anyone you feel comfortable speaking to about your feelings.  It's important that you do this in a safe and secure environment.

2.  Punch a pillow.  Ok, punching a pillow may not make you feel better at first, but it could help you to release any frustration you may have.

3.  Workout.  Exercise releases endorphins which help you to feel better.  Doing a high intense cardio workout such as kickboxing, spinning, running, or hiking is a great way to release your emotions.  It's better to pound the pavement instead of the person who upset you!

4.  Martial Arts.  Take up any type of martial arts.  It will teach you discipline and focus. 

5.  Get creative.  Draw, paint, sing, dance, do graphic design, write, design jewelry, or do pottery.  Creativity is a great release of your emotions because you can put your heart and soul into a project.  Channel your energy into what makes you happy.

6.  Go for a walk.  Get outside and enjoy nature.  Listen to the birds chirp and breathe in the fresh air.

7.  Go to the park.  Get on your bike and head towards the park.  Stop by the swings or play a game of kickball or football with your friends.  All of that running around is great emotional release.

8.  Meditate.  Be still for five or more minutes.  Focus on your breath and nothing else.  Allow a sense of deep peace wash over you.

9.  Yoga.  Combine yoga with deep breathing exercises to release your emotions.  Stretch your muscles and release your emotions as you do.

Teens release your emotions today so they don't show up in your body tomorrow.  That sore throat you have or aching muscles could be the result of the emotional stress that you're under.  Relax and know that it will be all right.  Love yourself and love will surround you!

Teens your hormones are probably raging every second.  This is normal.  It's the process of life.  You start out as a baby, become a toddler, move into pre-teen, hit the teen years, and then become an adult.  The key to handling your teen years is to get a control over your emotions and hormones as best as you can.  This sounds easier said than done.

Your emotions can go from 0 to 60 in less than 2.5 seconds!  Relax, this is normal.  However, getting a grip on your emotions will help you to experience a happier, relaxed life. Remember don't stuff your emotions because this will make matters worse.

Teens, when you grow up you'll experience changes in your body.  This means your hormones will take over for some time to help your body grow.  You'll have feelings that you never felt before and that's all right.  There's no reason to be afraid.  Everyone has gone through the teen years and survived and so will you.

Tips to dealing with your hormones

1.  Don't give into temptation.  You may be tempted to have pre-marital sex, but the consequence will appear 9 months later in the form of a baby.  Ready my blog about teen pregnancy before you do anything rash.

2.  Meditate.  It's not for monks or new-age people.  Meditation can help calm your body, mind, and spirit.  You'll feel more relaxed and at peace.

3.  Workout.  There's nothing like a good workout to release those raging hormones.  Take up kick boxing, Karate, running, hiking, or yoga.

4.  Get in touch with your creativity.  Use your imagination to paint, draw, write, and design.  You can dance and act.  Use your creativity to channel your hormones and emotions.  You'd be surprised at what you'll create.

5.  Deep breathing techniques.  The next time you're about to "fly off the handle," pause, count to 10, and take 10 deep breaths.  Deep breathing will calm you down and it keeps you in check.

Your raging hormones will cause you to have mood swings.  One minute you'll be sweet as pie and the next minute you'll be on fire.  Take it all in stride.  Feel your feelings and don't over analyze them.  Avoid doing anything rash. 

Teens your body's changing and you're not sure what's happening.  All of a sudden you're interested in boys or girls and you don't know why.  This is apart of growing up.  It happened to your parents and it's happening to you.  That's the cycle of life!  Just remember to pause and think before you act!

Both my niece (16 years-old) and nephew (13 years-old) have lost a lot of friends in the past couple of years.  Yesterday, my mom informed me that my niece lost a friend to open heart surgery; she became sick and died.  My nephew lost a friend who was cleaning his rifle -- it went off and killed him.  Why a 13 year-old was cleaning a rifle is beyond me.  Why he was handling a rifle without parental supervision is also beyond me.

It's bad enough teens must deal with the death of loved ones but to lose your friends is another situation.  How do you cope when you lose someone who's not only your own age, but your friend?  Teens probably have many questions about "why" their friend had to die.  When it's a senseless death like a self-inflicted gunshot, it only makes matters worse.

Tips to coping with death

1.  Grieve.  Make sure you take time to grieve for your friend.  There is no time limit on grief.  You'll know when you've finished grieving for your friend.  Remember, your friend is not really gone.  They may be physically gone, but spiritually they live on somewhere else.
2.  Remember the good times.  To help you cope with the death of your friend, remember how much fun they were -- this will make you smile.  They'd want you to be happy, it's ok to laugh and smile when you remember your friend.
3.  Let the tears flow.  Whenever you feel like crying, just do it.  Yes, guys it's all right for you to cry.  This is a great way to release and purge your emotions.
4.  Workout your emotions.  If you have a lot of anger, release your intense emotions by working out.  Kick boxing, karate, hiking, running, yoga, or whatever you like will help you heal.  It's cathartic to release your emotions.  Let all your emotions out in a healthy way.
5.  Journal.  Writing your thoughts and articulating your feelings in a journal can be therapeutic.  Hold nothing back when you journal -- let it all out.  You can draw and write in your journal to express your emotions about your friend's death.

Life doesn't always make sense.  Sometimes events occur that are beyond our control.  You can only control you react situations.  When you lose a friend you'll go through the grieving process which includes:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Allow the process to occur because you'll heal from your friend's death.  Your emotions will eat you alive if you don't grieve.  Your body can manifest your emotions with a dis-ease.  This is no way to grieve for your friend.

Coping with teen death is not easy for anyone.  Parents lose a child and you lose a best friend.  No, it doesn't make any sense, but that's life.  Make sure you live each day to the fullest because you never know what lies around the corner.

If you're a fan of soap operas like General Hospital, MTV shows like Real World and Jersey Shore, or the CW's Gossip Girl and Beverly Hills 90210 then you've probably watched episodes where a teen was in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, it's usually a teen girl who's in the relationship.  Luckily, the actress walks away at the end of the day.  In real life the outcome can be deadly.

No one has to suffer from abuse -- it's not love.  Most teen girls stay in abusive relationships because they have low self-esteem and self-confidence.  They believe no other guy will want to date them.  This is psychological bullsh** and a bully tactic.  Avoid falling for it at all cost!

Some teen girls mirror what they see at home.  If mom's in a horrible relationship, you may believe that's the way relationships work.  Teen boys and girls who see parents beat each other up receive the impression that this is the way relationships are.  You are dead wrong!  If you love someone, you would not beat or hit them.  If you lose control, you can end up doing serious damage, not to mention jail time!

Any guy who tells you "he's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Any girl who tells you "she's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Of course, it's going to happen again.  The only way to prevent abuse is to runaway as fast as you can. 

Being in a relationship is not worth it if your boyfriend or girlfriend has major issues.  The only way a person can change is if he or she wants to and seeks professional help.  Chances are an abuser was or is abused.  That's usually how it happens.

Teen girls and boys respect you.  By allowing someone to abuse you sends the message "it's all right, I deserve this because I'm not worthy of love."  This is so untrue.  Everyone deserves love and to be treated with respect.  But you must love and respect yourself first before anyone else will.

The worst mistake is to say you deserve the abuse.  Many teen girls fall into this trap.  They make excuses for their boyfriends such as "he told me he was in a bad mood or I spoke to another guy whom I know he doesn't like."  First of all, who cares if he's in a bad mood?  Second of all, you're a teen; you can speak to whomever you'd like.  Who says you can't speak to other guys?  Any guy who tells you not to speak to other guys has control and possession issues.  These can be dangerous.  It's best to end the relationship before it gets out of hand.

Teen girls and boys don't be in a hurry to grow up!  There isn't a rule that says you must date or be exclusive with one person.  This doesn't mean to be promiscuous, it means you have options.  Take your time to get to know someone before you become exclusive.  In fact, get to know yourself first before you begin dating.  Write down the qualities you'd like in boyfriend or girlfriend.  You'll need to become that person before you'll attract him or her into your life.  Take your time because the teens years go by fast -- enjoy them while you can!