Well known comedian Steve Harvey wrote the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  In fact, I recommend that teen girls read this book which can prepare you for dating now and in the future! 

Steve tells a story how he worked for the Ford Motor Company in Cleveland, Ohio.  He had a 90-day probation period.  This meant that he didn't receive benefits such as health insurance until he passed the 90-day probation time.  He tells how the company wanted to make sure that he'd do a good job before they handed him everything.  Steve takes this 90-day probation period and applies it to dating but it can also be applied to your life.  You can change your life around in 90-days if you really want to do so.  It will take work on your part but it will be worth it in the end.

90-Days to a Happier Teen

Say a prayer of gratitude before you get out of bed.  It can be anything from "thank for a good night's sleep to thank you for the roof over my head to thank you for the breath in my lungs."  Expect to have a good day.  Say something like "I expect to have a great day or I'll have a good day today."  Setup your day in a positive manner.

When you look in the mirror, before you brush your teeth and floss, tell yourself that you love you!  Look into your eyes and say "I love you" and mean it.  Loving yourself is the best gift your can give to yourself.  When you truly love yourself the world will know it.

Stop trying to be someone else -- just be you.  There's no one else in the world that's like you.  Instead of trying to be like the popular guys or girls, embrace who you are as a person.  Learn to love you for you!

Give thanks and embrace your talents.  If you're good at playing the guitar, sports, painting, drawing, science, design, math, English, dancing, writing, or whatever you talents are embrace them with gusto.  Allow no one to speak down to you about your talents.  They could be jealous and wish they had your talents.  That's their problem and not yours.  Don't give up your talents or dim your light because other people may put off by it.  You'll only hurt yourself and the world by not shining brightly.

Think about your life and if you're happy with it.  Feel the anger, pain, and other emotions you may be feeling.  Get it all out of your system -- hold nothing back.  Exercise, paint, draw, meditate, write, dance, design, or whatever will help your process your emotions.  Work through them because you'll feel better.

Stay tuned for more on 90-Days to a Happier Teen!

On the July 1, 2010 episode of Dr. Phil, a mother who's an alcoholic was on the show along with her teenage daughter.   The mother also brought her friend for support.  The daughter believed her mother's alcoholism was her fault.  Her mom was under stress and she believed that she was responsible for the stress, therefore, causing her mom to drink 15 beers or more per day.  Take note:  it wasn't the daughter's fault.  The mother was capable of making her own decisions.  No one held a gun to her head and told her she had to drink beer every day.

Dr. Phil reached out to the mom and offered her help via a rehab facility in Texas.  The catch was the mom had to leave right after to show in order to receive treatment.  There was no going back home because that would provide temptation to stay and do nothing.  The mom took the offer.

Why do teens believe alcoholism is their fault?

Speak to any psychologist and they'll tell you that children internalize everything.  This is why the teenage girl thought her mom's drinking was her fault.  She heard and listened to her mom's complaints of being stressed.  The daughter internalized it as her fault because if the mom didn't have to take care of her and the home, she wouldn't be stressed.  It gets worse -- the girl thought her mom would die from drinking and it would be her fault.  It wouldn't be her fault; it would be the mother's fault because she continued on a self-destructive path.

It's not your fault

It's not your fault if your mom or dad is an alcoholic.  Chances are they're pissed off because their life didn't turn out the way they thought it would.  They're mad at the world because people around them are receiving the breaks they feel should go to them.  Again, it's not your fault.  Your mom or dad chose to drink, whether consciously or unconsciously; it's their life.

The embarrassment of alcoholism

The girl on the Dr. Phil episode was embarrassed by her mother's drinking.  She couldn't have friends over the house.  You could hear the pain in her voice when she spoke about her mom's drinking problem.

When the mom would take her to soccer practice and games, she'd make a fool out of herself and embarrass her daughter.  Yes, sometimes the mom drove under the influence.  She eventually received a D.U.I. (driving under the influence).

Solution

Being a teenager is awkward enough.  The teen years can become unbearable when you add an alcoholic mom or dad to the mix.  You may feel alone most of the time but help is available.  Organizations such as Alateen and Al-Anon can help you understand alcoholism. 

Have compassion and forgiveness for your mom or dad.  They're doing the best they can.  Forgiving them doesn't mean that what they've done to you is all right.  It's a way to release you from the situation.  Remember, it's not your fault!

This is Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter?  Many teens face issues with their weight but extreme dieting isn't the answer.  You may feel desperate for a solution but starving yourself or popping pills isn't the answer.  I'm speaking from experience. 

Before you embark on your weight loss journey, make sure you know why you want to lose the weight and how the weight piled onto your body.  Two to one it has nothing to do with food but the fact you're stuffing your emotions for various reasons.  Get to the root of the issue so you can be free from it once and for all!

Personal note on extreme dieting

I struggled with my weight as a kid and teenager.  I weighed 220 lbs. when I entered the 9th grade.  It was a miserable time for me.  Not only was I picked on by kids in my high school, certain family members picked on me as well.  This was much worse.  I mean, you're supposed to be able to count on your family.  I found out that's not always the case.

Anyway, I did some extreme dieting.  At the end of my sophomore year of high school I decided to do something about my weight.  I bought a workout outfit and began to workout 7-days a week.  I cut out junk food such as chips, hot dogs, candy, ice cream, fast food, and other unhealthy foods.  I asked my mom to buy me salad and fruit which is what I ate for the entire summer.  I also took diet pills.  I used my sister's rowing machine that was collected dust in the basement.  Fast forward to the beginning year of junior high, and I was 40 pounds lighter.  I still had more weight to drop, and I still got picked on but not as much.  Eventually, the kids stopped picking on me.

I continued to work on dropping weight.  I cut my calories to 500 per day and continued to workout 7-days a week.  I also dabbled with bulimia.  This is where you eat a lot of food then throw it up.  Except, I wasn't eating a lot of food -- I would throw up the 500 calories that I ate.  I called myself "a bulimic with an anorexic twist since I worked out 7-days a week.  I reached my goal weight of 120 lbs.  I felt better and looked good but I was ruining the inside of my body.  And, family members who picked on me for being fat now wondered why I was such a picky eater -- go figure!

The bottom line is that if you want to lose weight get to the "root" of the issue.  I lost 100 lbs. only to gain 60 lbs. of it back.  How did this happen?  I didn't work on the inside.  If you don't like who are or have low self-esteem, it won't matter if you lose the weight.  It will creep back on one pound at a time.  Get down and dirty to figure out "why" you carry the weight.

The good news is that I took of the 60 lbs. and then some because I realized that I had a lot "demons" to deal with it, most of which stemmed from my dysfunctional childhood.  That's not a shocker.  Most families are dysfunctional.  The bottom line is that I like the way I look, and I don't care what other people think.  One hundred fifteen to one hundred twenty pounds is comfortable for me.  I like the way I look and that's what matters most!

It's not a secret that our society is obsessed with looks.  Pick up any magazine and you'll see an image that may be distorted thanks to programs such as Photoshop.  Some of those bodies aren't real but the message they send is:  looks matter, skinny is better, and you should look this way.  Remember, looks can be deceiving.  And, who says that super skin and bones is better?

There's nothing wrong with shedding weight but when you go to extremes such as starvation, that's a problem.  Starving the body isn't a good idea because you could damage internal organs.  And, spending time in the hospital doesn't sound like much fun.

Extreme dieting can kill you

If you yo-yo diet, you could ruin your body from the inside out.  Popping diet pills isn't always the best idea.  You have no idea what's in these pills and some people have become addicted to diet pills or died from taking them.

Exercising 7-days a week (the body needs rest) can do more harm than good, especially if you're exercising with a ton of clothes on and it's hot outside!  It's all right to exercise when it's warm out as long as you're smart about it.  Wear loose fitting clothes and drink plenty of water.  Otherwise, you could wind up in the hospital or the morgue!

Take off weight the right way

You may be a teen girl or boy who wants to lose weight.  This is great but there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Talk to your parents and tell them you'd like to release 20 lbs. or more.  Speak to your doctor and find the right nutritional plan for you because diets don't work!  It's best to tackle your weight with the proper guidance instead of doing it alone.

Family support is imperative.  Chances are if you're an overweight teen, your family is overweight.  Obesity is running rampant in the U.S. and is catching up to the rest of the world.  Life's too short to be carrying extra weight around with you.  Extreme dieting is not the answer but eating right and exercising is.

In Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter? I'll share my personal experience about extreme dieting.  Perhaps it will help some of you out there who are struggling with your weight.  Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of a great life because you are you!

You may not come from a cohesive, loving, gets along every day family but this doesn't mean you can't control your actions.  By now you understand right from wrong.  If you're acting out to get attention, it won't work.  It usually has the opposite affect such as punishment by your parents or worse, being sent to JV or detention home.

Your hormones are raging and you may be pissed off at the world.  Most teens usually go through some sort of teen angst.  Ask your parents about their teenage years.  It could be a way to open up the lines of communication if they've been shut.

It's best to deal with any issues you have today.  Waiting until you become an adult isn't the best solution.  How does carrying emotional baggage around with you for the rest of your life sound to you?  It's like a life sentence!  Many adults who experienced rough teenage years don't get to the root of their issues.  They carry around baggage with them that can go back 20 or more years.  Ouch!  Talk about a heavy load to carry from year-to-year.  This doesn't have to be your fate.

If you're doing stuff that's not good for you or society, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself "why?"  What are you getting out of it?  Who are you making wrong?  Who are you making right?  What's the point of it?  Inner reflection can be good for the soul.

You can't keep blaming your parents.  They're doing the best they can or did they best they could.  It's up to you to change your life for the better.  No one can make you do it.  You have the power to change.  Forget about worrying about your "friends" will say.  True friends wouldn't recommend that you do stuff that puts your life in jeopardy.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be liberating.  It's the first step to cleaning up your act.  It's up to you to realize you deserve the best in life.  Maybe you need to a life coach and or counselor.  Find someone who's willing to listen.  Get it all out of your system and ask help.  You'll be glad you did and you are worth it!

Okay, you know  the saying "no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks," although some of you may have given your teachers cause to give you a "dirty" or disappointed look! 

What are you going to do for the summer?  Will you hang around the house and do nothing?  Will you antagonize your younger sibling(s)?  Maybe you'll hang out at the recreation center and swim all day long.  Whatever you do, make sure it's a productive and fun summer.

There's no excuse not to keep your mind sharp just because you don't have homework.  Read a couple of books to keep your mind engaged.  This way you'll be prepared when you go back in the fall.

You could play baseball or softball.  These two sports are big in the summer.  Being part of a team will be good for you.  You'll learn leadership skills, how to work together to achieve a common goal, and discipline.  Plus, it's a great way to stay in shape.

What to do over summer break

  1.  Volunteer at your favorite not-for-profit organization.
  2.  Read a couple of books.
  3.  Get a part-time job or start your own small business.
  4.  Join sports.
  5.  Go to camp.
  6.  Go to camp and become a camp counselor.
  7.  Create art.
  8.  Write.
  9.  Travel with the family or be an exchange student.
10.  Clean out the garage and or basement for your parents.
11.  Have a garage sale.
12.  Get in shape.
13.  Pickup litter around your neighborhood.

There's a lot you can do over the summer.  Lounging around the house and playing videos is one option but you may already do this.  Get off your butt and find something constructive to do such as take a few classes at your local recreation center.  Volunteer and give of your time.  Create a fundraiser for your favorite charity and donate the money.

You can do a lot over the summer.  It's your break from school, but you don't have to waste all of the time.  Help out more around the house or start looking at colleges and universities.  Put your "thinking cap" on and do something productive right now!

Playing sports can keep you out of trouble and teach you about teamwork at the same time.  Being part of a team is like being part of a family.  You watch out for one another and support one another.  If you're not playing sports, you may want to consider it.

Unfortunately, most schools are cutting extracurricular activities such as football, volleyball, baseball, track, softball, rugby, archery, basketball, and other sports programs.  This doesn't mean you can't play sports.  Get a group of friends together and create your own teams.  You can go to the park after your homework is finished or after school (get parent's permission) and play a game or two.  It will be great exercise for you!

Keeping out of trouble

Most teens get into trouble after school because parents work and no one is there to supervise them.  Is this you?  There's an alternative to wreaking havoc on your city or causing your parents grief.  Join a sports team and get involved in something that's fun and educational at the same time.

FYI:  Sports can save you from a life of crime or a life on the streets.  Just by being part of something that's bigger than you can help you change your life around for the better.

Some teens may frown upon playing sports and say that it's "lame" or for losers.  The only loser will be you if you keep getting into trouble.  You run the risk of being sent to Juvenile or Detention Hall.  How is that fun?  Why would you want to spend your teen years behind walls?  This doesn't make sense.  Playing sports can keep you from this unsavory life.  Just think about it.

Benefits of playing sports

If you want to get into a good college or university, sports can help you do that.  Many colleges and universities look at the extracurricular activities you were apart of when you were in high school.  This will make your application look well rounded.

Playing sports will teach you about teamwork.  One person can't do it all, even though it may seem like they can.  Think about it.  The offense and defense must work together in order to score points.  There may be individuals who stand out from time to time but all players are important to the success of a team.

If you need to shed a couple of pounds, playing sports is an excellent way to do this.  You'll lose weight because you'll be moving.  You won't be stuck in one spot like you are when you play video games.  Exercise is good for you and will keep you healthy and strong.

Sign up for a sport today

Playing sports is good for your mind, body, and soul.  You'll get fresh air if you play an outdoor sport.  You'll strengthen your bones and muscles.  Your mind will be getting exercise as well because you'll have to remember game plays and terminology.  Your soul will be cleansed because you'll be doing something you love and be part of a team.  It's all good!

Believe it or not I, Rebecca, was once a shy teen.  It seems like only yesterday that I would try to hide behind my desk in school hoping the teacher wouldn't call on me.  That didn't work.  The teacher would call on me.  I started opening up in the 8th grade.  In fact, my 8th grade teacher told me to go back into my shell because I was becoming very outspoken.  Her words could have put me back into my shell.  Being a stubborn and bullheaded teen, I did the opposite.  I came out of my shell even more!  Once I got to high school there was no looking back.

Many teens that are shy have low self-esteem and self-confidence.  They usually have a deep fear of not being good enough.  You are good enough.  Loving yourself is the first step to overcoming your shyness.  Look in the mirror every day and say, "...I am beautiful and everybody loves or I love you."  Saying "I love you" to yourself may seem weird or be difficult at first, but in time it will become natural. 

Some teens have trouble voicing their opinion.   You have every right to speak your opinion.  Napoleon Hill said, "...opinions are the cheapest commodities."  Everyone has opinions and they are not afraid to share them.  Try voicing your opinions with family and friends.  This way you'll be in a safe environment and will not feel overwhelmed.  You'll also gain confidence and improve your self-esteem.

Tips to overcoming shyness

1.  Smile at people.
2.  Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself that you love you.
3.  Become friends with at least two people whom you share similar interests.
4.  Join groups that interest you.
5.  Begin to voice your opinion with people whom you trust.
6.  Volunteer for your favorite charity -- you may have to be 16 years old to do this one.
7.  Get a pen pal -- someone you write to who lives in another country.  Ask your parents first before you do this.

Making friends can be difficult if you're a shy teen.  You may have a fear of rejection which is why you may not have friends.  Find people who have similar interests.  If you like chess, join the chess club.  If you like theater, join the drama club.  If you like cheering for sports teams, try out for the cheerleading team.  The last one may be daunting but do it anyway.  Feel the fear and step into it.  This is the only way you'll overcome your shyness.  You must DO something about it.

Some teens use shyness as a protective barrier.  Perhaps they've been hurt and feel they can't trust people.  They'll stick to themselves and stay in their shell just like a turtle.  When turtles feel threatened, they pull their heads into their hard shell and remain still so they can't be hurt.  Being like a turtle all of the time is not healthy.  Come out of your shell and be part of the world.  Yes, you may get hurt, but that's life.  Deal with it and move forward with your life.  It will get better.

Teens with a little work and perseverance, you can overcome your shyness.  It's a choice.  You can choose to be shy or not.  Life is meant to be fun!  It would be ashame if you spent the rest of your life being shy.  People will not get to see your talents, hear your brilliant ideas, and get to know the real you.  Take baby steps to break out of your shell today and tomorrow you can begin to live your life to the fullest!

If you're a fan of soap operas like General Hospital, MTV shows like Real World and Jersey Shore, or the CW's Gossip Girl and Beverly Hills 90210 then you've probably watched episodes where a teen was in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, it's usually a teen girl who's in the relationship.  Luckily, the actress walks away at the end of the day.  In real life the outcome can be deadly.

No one has to suffer from abuse -- it's not love.  Most teen girls stay in abusive relationships because they have low self-esteem and self-confidence.  They believe no other guy will want to date them.  This is psychological bullsh** and a bully tactic.  Avoid falling for it at all cost!

Some teen girls mirror what they see at home.  If mom's in a horrible relationship, you may believe that's the way relationships work.  Teen boys and girls who see parents beat each other up receive the impression that this is the way relationships are.  You are dead wrong!  If you love someone, you would not beat or hit them.  If you lose control, you can end up doing serious damage, not to mention jail time!

Any guy who tells you "he's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Any girl who tells you "she's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Of course, it's going to happen again.  The only way to prevent abuse is to runaway as fast as you can. 

Being in a relationship is not worth it if your boyfriend or girlfriend has major issues.  The only way a person can change is if he or she wants to and seeks professional help.  Chances are an abuser was or is abused.  That's usually how it happens.

Teen girls and boys respect you.  By allowing someone to abuse you sends the message "it's all right, I deserve this because I'm not worthy of love."  This is so untrue.  Everyone deserves love and to be treated with respect.  But you must love and respect yourself first before anyone else will.

The worst mistake is to say you deserve the abuse.  Many teen girls fall into this trap.  They make excuses for their boyfriends such as "he told me he was in a bad mood or I spoke to another guy whom I know he doesn't like."  First of all, who cares if he's in a bad mood?  Second of all, you're a teen; you can speak to whomever you'd like.  Who says you can't speak to other guys?  Any guy who tells you not to speak to other guys has control and possession issues.  These can be dangerous.  It's best to end the relationship before it gets out of hand.

Teen girls and boys don't be in a hurry to grow up!  There isn't a rule that says you must date or be exclusive with one person.  This doesn't mean to be promiscuous, it means you have options.  Take your time to get to know someone before you become exclusive.  In fact, get to know yourself first before you begin dating.  Write down the qualities you'd like in boyfriend or girlfriend.  You'll need to become that person before you'll attract him or her into your life.  Take your time because the teens years go by fast -- enjoy them while you can!

Judgment is like a boomerang -- it will come back and smack you in the face!  When you judge someone, you're projecting your shadow onto that person.  If you feel someone is arrogant, look deep inside to find out where you've
been or act arrogant.  The answers may surprise you.

When you "judge" someone, there's something that resonates with you on a deeper level.  Why judge someone?  What do you get out of it?  Get to the root cause of the judgment and clear the air.  You may judge without even knowing it. 

Look at the patterns that repeat in your life.  You may judge out of frustration that you're experiencing in your life.  Take a breather and look at what is really bothering you.  Remember, it's easier to take our frustrations out
on others than looking at ourselves in the mirror.

Why you may judge

1.  Frustrated in your life.
2.  Disappointed with your life.
3.  Jealous of others.
4.  Feeling stuck in your life.
5.  You absorb other peoples' energies without even knowing it.

For those who are empathetic and absorb others energy (Indigo children) may find themselves judging others for no apparent reason.  It would be good for you to "shield" yourself before you leave the house.  You could say a prayer of protection or send "love" to the people and place you'll be.

Judging others is a waste of time and energy.  You could be pursuing an activity or career that you love.  The next time you find yourself judging another, step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself "why" you're doing it.  The answers may not be the ones you want, but they'll help you to move forward in your life.  The sooner you clear the air, the better!