Teens, some of you begin dating when you're 14 years-old.  Some of you may start dating when you're 16 years-old.  Whenever you begin to date, make sure you're responsible.  This means no drinking and driving and practicing safe sex if you're sexually active.

Dating can be thrilling and exciting; it can always be scary.  When you date, just have fun.  Avoid getting caught up in the whole romance of it and make it something that you're not ready for.  Even adults (especially women) fall into the trap of building up a date.  Before you know it, you're walking down the aisle, and having two kids!  Just date...be in the present moment and enjoy being a teen.

If you think you're sexually active, make sure you're prepared.  Read my blog "Teens Learn about Birth Control" to learn about the different forms of birth control.  It's imperative that you protect yourself by using a condom because you can contract STDs or STIs.

Dating tips

1.  Make sure you're ready to date.
2.  Have fun and avoid being "all serious" about dating -- you're a teen!
3.  Avoid allowing dating to interfere with your school work or extracurricular activities.
4.  Avoid giving up your identity for the sake of your boyfriend/girlfriend.
5.  If you breakup, know that it's not the end of the world, you'll find someone else.
6.  Protect yourself if you're sexually active.
7.  Enjoy being a teen.  If you don't date as a teen, you'll have plenty of opportunities when you're an adult.  Chances are you'll be more emotionally mature and ready anyway.

Dating can be exciting, but make sure it doesn't take over your life.  Your grades are important if you have a desire to go to college or university.  If your grades begin a downward slide, you may want to take a break from dating.

When you date, make sure you retain who you are.  Girls have a tendency more than boys to lose themselves in the dating world.  They drop their friends, extracurricular activities, hobbies, and grades when they get a boyfriend.  Avoid doing this because you'll fall into a pattern that you could carry into your adult life.  Yes, it's fun to have a boyfriend, but don't lose your identity because of it.  Be who you are and take time for yourself.  There's no reason to spend every waking moment (even in school) with your boyfriend.  Guys this goes for you as well.  Avoid getting wrapped up in a girl because chances are they will not be the "one."

Teens when you date just remember that you're a teen.  You'll have plenty of dating time when you reach adulthood.  If you happen to experience a break up, it may suck at first, but you'll survive.  Just think of it as practice.  Mourn the breakup but avoid going overboard about it.  You're young; you'll bounce back in no time and may find someone better.  Take your time and don't be in a hurry to grow up!

What do you do if you're a teenage girl who is raped or molested and become pregnant?  What if you become pregnant because you're sexually active and didn't use protection?  Do you keep the baby?  Do you have the baby and give it up for adoption?  Do you have an abortion?  These are heavy questions that some teenage girls face every day.  Before you make a decision to have an abortion, get help and support to make the decision that is best for you.  An abortion is permanent; you cannot undo it once it's done.

Having an abortion is not a light decision to make, especially if you've been raised in a strict religious home.  Once you decide to have an abortion and go through with it, your life may not be the same.  You may experience an array of emotions from guilt to shame to anger.   Keeping your feelings bottled up is not a good idea.  Know that you made the best decision you could at a particular moment in time.  Counseling will help you deal with your decision to have an abortion and the aftermath of it.

Fact:  Did you know that 60% of the pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned?  Teens, you make up 21% of that number.  Unfortunately, half of the pregnancies end up in abortion.

Types of abortions

Abortions occur in the first three months.  A surgical abortion is when a doctor does a manual vacuum aspiration which can be performed in about 10 minutes in a doctor's office.  This type of abortion can be done within the first 10 weeks of pregnancy.  You either have local anesthesia or a tranquilizer.  You may experience bleeding and cramping for seven days after an abortion.  If the bleeding continues, you change pads every two hours, or you have a high fever get to a doctor.  Complications may occur from having an abortion.

D & C (dilatation suction curettage), another surgical procedure also uses suction.  This is performed between week four and week 13.  Both MVA and D & C require the cervix to be stretched open so a tube can be inserted.  The tube empties the uterus.

The latest abortion method is RU-486 (mifepristone).  These are pills that a woman can take to cause an abortion.  It's popular in Europe but it's presence in the U.S. has been slowed by anti-abortion groups.

Your choice

Teen girls make the right decision for you.  Perhaps you're not ready to have a child.  Maybe you were raped or molested and wouldn't want a child that is from such horrific actions.  Whatever you do, get the facts and do what is best for you.  The decision you make will effect the rest of your life.

Having a baby as a teenager is not an easy path to follow.  Speak with your parents, guidance counselor, priest, minister, legal guardian, rabbi, or whomever you trust to help you with this delicate decision.  Whatever you decide know that you are making the best choice you can make at that moment in time.  Be gentle with yourself and let go of judgment and guilt because if you don't it will eat you alive.  May peace wash over you now and in the future.

Links

Planned Parenthood
Teen Breaks.com
National Abortion Federation
Exhale
National Right to Life

 Teens, how many of you are ready for the responsibility of having a baby?  In my opinion, no teen is ready to be a parent.  In fact, some adults are not ready to be parents.  Learning about birth control now can prepare you when you're mature enough to enter into an intimate relationship.  Hopefully, some teens will put off having sex.  If you're thinking about having sex or are sexually active, you'll want to read this post.

Some teens are raised in strict families where birth control is prohibited or frowned upon.  Teens, you have the right to decide what is best for you.  If you want to go on birth control or know more about it, visit your local Planned Parenthood to pickup information about birth control.

Note:  Some diseases such as HPV, HSV1 and 2, and crabs are transmitted through the skin contact.

Types of birth control

1.  Oral.  The pill is the most popular choice of birth control.  You take a pill for 21 days.  The pill is available in a 21-day or 28-day pack.  The last seven pills in a 28-day pack are called reminder pills.  They'll keep you on schedule so you don't forget to take your pill.  The pill costs $15 - $50 per month.  Some insurance companies are starting to cover the pill. 

2.  Condom.  No matter what type of birth control you use, always, ALWAYS use a condom because they can prevent STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and STIs (sexually transmitted infections).  Having a STD or STI is not fun and it costs MONEY because you'll have to be on prescriptive drugs -- sometimes for life!

3.  Diaphragm.  This is inserted into the vagina and it covers the cervix.  You must use a spermicide cream or jelly with the diaphragm; otherwise it will not be effective in preventing pregnancy.  It costs $15 - $75.

4.  Female condom.  It's inserted into the vagina and can prevent STIs.  It costs about $4 ad is safe and effective to use.

5.  Sponge.  A plastic foam sponge that contains spermicide is placed in the vagina.  It covers the cervix to prevent pregnancy.  It costs $9 - $15.

6.  Cervical Cap.  It's a silicone cap that's placed in the vagina to prevent pregnancy and costs $60 - $75.

7.  Abstinence.  The best way not to get pregnant or catch a STD or STI is to abstain from having sex when you're a teen.  Of course, all bets are off when you reach adulthood.  However, at least you'll be prepared when you engage in sexual activity.

As you can tell, having sex is a responsibility.  Girls choose to use the pill, sponge, condoms, and or some other contraceptive.  Guys buy condoms at  the store.  Having sex is a responsibility that you may not be prepared for.  Are you emotionally ready to have sex?  Are you economically ready to have sex?  You may want to think about these questions before you have sex!

Teens when you say NO it means no.  Don't allow another person to pressure you into  something you're not comfortable doing.  Avoid following PEER PRESSURE such as, "...if you're my friend, you'll help me; if you love me, you'll have sex with me; if you want me to be happy, you'll go along with my plan."  These are bully tactics -- don't fall for them!

Unfortunately, life is not always easy.  Sometimes we're put into situations that are uncomfortable but they're necessary for us to grow as a person.  Yes, this sucks big time, but it's how we learn!

If you're feeling pressured to have sex, say no and mean it.  Please don't fall for the B.S. lines such as, "if you love me, you'll do it; everyone's doing it; you're not normal if you don't want to do it; these pressure tactics are based on the other person's fear and insecurity.  If someone REALLY and TRULY loves you, they will not pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable doing.

Disclaimer:  You may have to "suck it up" and go to your grandparents.  However, make sure you voice your opinion why you don't want to go.  Just don't say, "...no, I don't want to go."  You'll still have to get into the SUV, but you'll feel great because you spoke up for yourself.

Set your boundaries today because they'll serve you later in life.  Never give your power away to another.  If you don't want to try out for the baseball team, tell your parents you have no desire to play baseball.  Respect your parents, but don't let them push you into extracurricular activities that you don't want to do.  It's your life not theirs!

Saying no and meaning it will not come easy for some teens because you may have the "care giver archetype."  There's nothing wrong with this as long as you're coming from the healthy side of it.  If you're prone to martyrdom and enabling behaviors, you'll feel the negative side of this archetype.  Remember that everything has a positive and a negative.

It's liberating to say no.  Stand your ground.  Don't allow someone to force you to do something you don't want to do.  You have every right to say no, especially if you may get into trouble.  If your friends respect you and really are your friends, they will not ask you to put yourself in harm's way.  Think about that before you agree to do something that doesn't feel right or is wrong in the "eyes of the law" or according to your values systems.

Teens your hormones are probably raging every second.  This is normal.  It's the process of life.  You start out as a baby, become a toddler, move into pre-teen, hit the teen years, and then become an adult.  The key to handling your teen years is to get a control over your emotions and hormones as best as you can.  This sounds easier said than done.

Your emotions can go from 0 to 60 in less than 2.5 seconds!  Relax, this is normal.  However, getting a grip on your emotions will help you to experience a happier, relaxed life. Remember don't stuff your emotions because this will make matters worse.

Teens, when you grow up you'll experience changes in your body.  This means your hormones will take over for some time to help your body grow.  You'll have feelings that you never felt before and that's all right.  There's no reason to be afraid.  Everyone has gone through the teen years and survived and so will you.

Tips to dealing with your hormones

1.  Don't give into temptation.  You may be tempted to have pre-marital sex, but the consequence will appear 9 months later in the form of a baby.  Ready my blog about teen pregnancy before you do anything rash.

2.  Meditate.  It's not for monks or new-age people.  Meditation can help calm your body, mind, and spirit.  You'll feel more relaxed and at peace.

3.  Workout.  There's nothing like a good workout to release those raging hormones.  Take up kick boxing, Karate, running, hiking, or yoga.

4.  Get in touch with your creativity.  Use your imagination to paint, draw, write, and design.  You can dance and act.  Use your creativity to channel your hormones and emotions.  You'd be surprised at what you'll create.

5.  Deep breathing techniques.  The next time you're about to "fly off the handle," pause, count to 10, and take 10 deep breaths.  Deep breathing will calm you down and it keeps you in check.

Your raging hormones will cause you to have mood swings.  One minute you'll be sweet as pie and the next minute you'll be on fire.  Take it all in stride.  Feel your feelings and don't over analyze them.  Avoid doing anything rash. 

Teens your body's changing and you're not sure what's happening.  All of a sudden you're interested in boys or girls and you don't know why.  This is apart of growing up.  It happened to your parents and it's happening to you.  That's the cycle of life!  Just remember to pause and think before you act!

If you're a fan of soap operas like General Hospital, MTV shows like Real World and Jersey Shore, or the CW's Gossip Girl and Beverly Hills 90210 then you've probably watched episodes where a teen was in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, it's usually a teen girl who's in the relationship.  Luckily, the actress walks away at the end of the day.  In real life the outcome can be deadly.

No one has to suffer from abuse -- it's not love.  Most teen girls stay in abusive relationships because they have low self-esteem and self-confidence.  They believe no other guy will want to date them.  This is psychological bullsh** and a bully tactic.  Avoid falling for it at all cost!

Some teen girls mirror what they see at home.  If mom's in a horrible relationship, you may believe that's the way relationships work.  Teen boys and girls who see parents beat each other up receive the impression that this is the way relationships are.  You are dead wrong!  If you love someone, you would not beat or hit them.  If you lose control, you can end up doing serious damage, not to mention jail time!

Any guy who tells you "he's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Any girl who tells you "she's sorry or it won't happen again" is lying.  Of course, it's going to happen again.  The only way to prevent abuse is to runaway as fast as you can. 

Being in a relationship is not worth it if your boyfriend or girlfriend has major issues.  The only way a person can change is if he or she wants to and seeks professional help.  Chances are an abuser was or is abused.  That's usually how it happens.

Teen girls and boys respect you.  By allowing someone to abuse you sends the message "it's all right, I deserve this because I'm not worthy of love."  This is so untrue.  Everyone deserves love and to be treated with respect.  But you must love and respect yourself first before anyone else will.

The worst mistake is to say you deserve the abuse.  Many teen girls fall into this trap.  They make excuses for their boyfriends such as "he told me he was in a bad mood or I spoke to another guy whom I know he doesn't like."  First of all, who cares if he's in a bad mood?  Second of all, you're a teen; you can speak to whomever you'd like.  Who says you can't speak to other guys?  Any guy who tells you not to speak to other guys has control and possession issues.  These can be dangerous.  It's best to end the relationship before it gets out of hand.

Teen girls and boys don't be in a hurry to grow up!  There isn't a rule that says you must date or be exclusive with one person.  This doesn't mean to be promiscuous, it means you have options.  Take your time to get to know someone before you become exclusive.  In fact, get to know yourself first before you begin dating.  Write down the qualities you'd like in boyfriend or girlfriend.  You'll need to become that person before you'll attract him or her into your life.  Take your time because the teens years go by fast -- enjoy them while you can!

Many teens are coming out of the closet earlier than other generations.  Today, it's easier to come out compared to 20 to 30 years ago.  Society is somewhat more accepting of gays and lesbians, but society is not perfect.  Most people shun or condemn gay and lesbian teens.  Unfortunately, parents can find it difficult to accept that their teenage son or daughter is gay or lesbian.

The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as such: Sexual orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional attraction that a person feels toward another person. Sexual orientation falls along a continuum. In other words, someone does not have to be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but can feel varying degrees of attraction for both genders. Sexual orientation develops across a person's lifetime—different people realize at different points in their lives that they are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

The teenage years are known as the exploration years.  You're trying to figure out who you are and that includes your sexuality.  You may have thoughts or feelings about the same sex.  Does this make you gay or lesbian?  What does it mean to be gay or lesbian?  It's believed that you are born gay or lesbian.  However, some people believe that you choose your sexuality.  Science has proven to a certain degree that people are born gay or lesbian; it's not a choice.

PFLAG

Teens, the good news is that you don't have to face coming out of the closet alone.  Visit PFLAG:  Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays which is "a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States.  This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors."

Teens, you and your family could find a local chapter of PFLAG in your area.  Joining a group with like-minded people is the best way to get the support you need when you come out or if you'd like to come out to family and friends.

How do you tell your parents you're gay or lesbian

Coming out to your parents can be very scary because you don't know how they'll react or you may have an "inner knowing" how they will react.  Cut your parents some slack.  Telling them that you're gay or lesbian will be difficult for some parents to digest.  After all, in their eyes, you're still their little boy or girl who used to run around the yard and play in the sandbox.  It may take them time before they embrace your sexuality.

You may want to have a friend, counselor, or therapist by your side when you come out to your parents.  It will take a lot of courage for you to tell your parents that you are gay or lesbian.  Having someone by your side that supports you can make it easier for you tell your parents your news.

Just be you

As long as you're comfortable with who you are that's all that matters.  Live your life for you and no one else.  Parents, family members, and friends may not accept or be able to handle your sexuality -- that's their problem!  As long as you're happy and comfortable in your own skin, you'll be fine...










 

It's well known that teens become pregnant as early 12 or 14.  Is a teen ready to have sex that young?  My opinion is that teens are not emotionally mature enough to have or understand a sexual relationship.  Hell, most adults struggle to understand what a mature, emotional relationship is.  Add sex to that mix and you can have the makings of relationship disaster!  Being a teen parent will be filled with many challenges.  You will benefit from knowing what you'll be up against.

Understanding your situation

Coping as teen parent can be very difficult.  You may face ridicule at school, your parents may disown you, relatives maybe cold towards you, and your boyfriend could leave you.  All of this sounds super scary, but it could happen.

As a teen parent you must understand that you will face challenges such as keeping up with your school work and taking care of your baby or babies!  That's a lot of work!  Teens who decide to keep their baby must realize that life as they knew it is over and a new beginning will emerge.

Tip:  Avoid getting pregnant in the first place!

Teen parents must realize that it's not about you anymore.  It's about raising your son or daughter in healthy, positive environment and doing your best to keep up with your school work so you graduate.  The road ahead may seem long, winding, and bumpy.  Come to terms with it as best as you can.

Ask for assistance and about your rights

Parents of pregnant teens can assist their teens by being supportive.  What's done is done.  No amount of yelling, screaming, and lecturing will change the situation.  Keep the lines of communication open.  Your teen will need help with their pregnancy on an emotional, mental, physical, and financial level.

Tip:  Avoid getting pregnant in the first place!

Teens can seek government assistance for their pregnancy.  There are programs such as WIC which will provide you and your child with formula and food.  Of course, you are entitled to help from the father.  If that doesn't happen, your parents could provide you and your child with support.

Adoption is an alternative for teens.  You can give your baby to a loving couple who is ready both emotionally and financially to have a child.  Some adoptions are open so you can have somewhat of an active role in your child's life.  This is something to discuss with your parents and the father of your baby.

Teen parents get help

Teen parents feel unsupported as they deal with their pregnancy.  There is so much to think about such as the demands of a new baby to graduating from high school.  The good news is that you don't have to go it alone.  There are support groups that you can join or even attend schools for pregnant teens.  Check your local listings for groups in your area.

Parents usually go into shock when they hear that their "baby" is about to have a baby.  They usually blame themselves because they want a better life for their daughter or son.  It's best to accept and deal with the situation versus going into denial or playing the "blame game" because it will not improve the situation.

Being a teen parent is not easy.  You are a "baby" having a baby.  Recognize that you have options such as keeping your baby, giving your baby up for adoption, or abortion.  Think very carefully about your situation because once you make a decision, you may not be able to change your mind.  Take your time and ask for help no matter how difficult it seems.  Peace!