Well known comedian Steve Harvey wrote the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  In fact, I recommend that teen girls read this book which can prepare you for dating now and in the future! 

Steve tells a story how he worked for the Ford Motor Company in Cleveland, Ohio.  He had a 90-day probation period.  This meant that he didn't receive benefits such as health insurance until he passed the 90-day probation time.  He tells how the company wanted to make sure that he'd do a good job before they handed him everything.  Steve takes this 90-day probation period and applies it to dating but it can also be applied to your life.  You can change your life around in 90-days if you really want to do so.  It will take work on your part but it will be worth it in the end.

90-Days to a Happier Teen

Say a prayer of gratitude before you get out of bed.  It can be anything from "thank for a good night's sleep to thank you for the roof over my head to thank you for the breath in my lungs."  Expect to have a good day.  Say something like "I expect to have a great day or I'll have a good day today."  Setup your day in a positive manner.

When you look in the mirror, before you brush your teeth and floss, tell yourself that you love you!  Look into your eyes and say "I love you" and mean it.  Loving yourself is the best gift your can give to yourself.  When you truly love yourself the world will know it.

Stop trying to be someone else -- just be you.  There's no one else in the world that's like you.  Instead of trying to be like the popular guys or girls, embrace who you are as a person.  Learn to love you for you!

Give thanks and embrace your talents.  If you're good at playing the guitar, sports, painting, drawing, science, design, math, English, dancing, writing, or whatever you talents are embrace them with gusto.  Allow no one to speak down to you about your talents.  They could be jealous and wish they had your talents.  That's their problem and not yours.  Don't give up your talents or dim your light because other people may put off by it.  You'll only hurt yourself and the world by not shining brightly.

Think about your life and if you're happy with it.  Feel the anger, pain, and other emotions you may be feeling.  Get it all out of your system -- hold nothing back.  Exercise, paint, draw, meditate, write, dance, design, or whatever will help your process your emotions.  Work through them because you'll feel better.

Stay tuned for more on 90-Days to a Happier Teen!

On the July 1, 2010 episode of Dr. Phil, a mother who's an alcoholic was on the show along with her teenage daughter.   The mother also brought her friend for support.  The daughter believed her mother's alcoholism was her fault.  Her mom was under stress and she believed that she was responsible for the stress, therefore, causing her mom to drink 15 beers or more per day.  Take note:  it wasn't the daughter's fault.  The mother was capable of making her own decisions.  No one held a gun to her head and told her she had to drink beer every day.

Dr. Phil reached out to the mom and offered her help via a rehab facility in Texas.  The catch was the mom had to leave right after to show in order to receive treatment.  There was no going back home because that would provide temptation to stay and do nothing.  The mom took the offer.

Why do teens believe alcoholism is their fault?

Speak to any psychologist and they'll tell you that children internalize everything.  This is why the teenage girl thought her mom's drinking was her fault.  She heard and listened to her mom's complaints of being stressed.  The daughter internalized it as her fault because if the mom didn't have to take care of her and the home, she wouldn't be stressed.  It gets worse -- the girl thought her mom would die from drinking and it would be her fault.  It wouldn't be her fault; it would be the mother's fault because she continued on a self-destructive path.

It's not your fault

It's not your fault if your mom or dad is an alcoholic.  Chances are they're pissed off because their life didn't turn out the way they thought it would.  They're mad at the world because people around them are receiving the breaks they feel should go to them.  Again, it's not your fault.  Your mom or dad chose to drink, whether consciously or unconsciously; it's their life.

The embarrassment of alcoholism

The girl on the Dr. Phil episode was embarrassed by her mother's drinking.  She couldn't have friends over the house.  You could hear the pain in her voice when she spoke about her mom's drinking problem.

When the mom would take her to soccer practice and games, she'd make a fool out of herself and embarrass her daughter.  Yes, sometimes the mom drove under the influence.  She eventually received a D.U.I. (driving under the influence).

Solution

Being a teenager is awkward enough.  The teen years can become unbearable when you add an alcoholic mom or dad to the mix.  You may feel alone most of the time but help is available.  Organizations such as Alateen and Al-Anon can help you understand alcoholism. 

Have compassion and forgiveness for your mom or dad.  They're doing the best they can.  Forgiving them doesn't mean that what they've done to you is all right.  It's a way to release you from the situation.  Remember, it's not your fault!

This is Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter?  Many teens face issues with their weight but extreme dieting isn't the answer.  You may feel desperate for a solution but starving yourself or popping pills isn't the answer.  I'm speaking from experience. 

Before you embark on your weight loss journey, make sure you know why you want to lose the weight and how the weight piled onto your body.  Two to one it has nothing to do with food but the fact you're stuffing your emotions for various reasons.  Get to the root of the issue so you can be free from it once and for all!

Personal note on extreme dieting

I struggled with my weight as a kid and teenager.  I weighed 220 lbs. when I entered the 9th grade.  It was a miserable time for me.  Not only was I picked on by kids in my high school, certain family members picked on me as well.  This was much worse.  I mean, you're supposed to be able to count on your family.  I found out that's not always the case.

Anyway, I did some extreme dieting.  At the end of my sophomore year of high school I decided to do something about my weight.  I bought a workout outfit and began to workout 7-days a week.  I cut out junk food such as chips, hot dogs, candy, ice cream, fast food, and other unhealthy foods.  I asked my mom to buy me salad and fruit which is what I ate for the entire summer.  I also took diet pills.  I used my sister's rowing machine that was collected dust in the basement.  Fast forward to the beginning year of junior high, and I was 40 pounds lighter.  I still had more weight to drop, and I still got picked on but not as much.  Eventually, the kids stopped picking on me.

I continued to work on dropping weight.  I cut my calories to 500 per day and continued to workout 7-days a week.  I also dabbled with bulimia.  This is where you eat a lot of food then throw it up.  Except, I wasn't eating a lot of food -- I would throw up the 500 calories that I ate.  I called myself "a bulimic with an anorexic twist since I worked out 7-days a week.  I reached my goal weight of 120 lbs.  I felt better and looked good but I was ruining the inside of my body.  And, family members who picked on me for being fat now wondered why I was such a picky eater -- go figure!

The bottom line is that if you want to lose weight get to the "root" of the issue.  I lost 100 lbs. only to gain 60 lbs. of it back.  How did this happen?  I didn't work on the inside.  If you don't like who are or have low self-esteem, it won't matter if you lose the weight.  It will creep back on one pound at a time.  Get down and dirty to figure out "why" you carry the weight.

The good news is that I took of the 60 lbs. and then some because I realized that I had a lot "demons" to deal with it, most of which stemmed from my dysfunctional childhood.  That's not a shocker.  Most families are dysfunctional.  The bottom line is that I like the way I look, and I don't care what other people think.  One hundred fifteen to one hundred twenty pounds is comfortable for me.  I like the way I look and that's what matters most!

It's not a secret that our society is obsessed with looks.  Pick up any magazine and you'll see an image that may be distorted thanks to programs such as Photoshop.  Some of those bodies aren't real but the message they send is:  looks matter, skinny is better, and you should look this way.  Remember, looks can be deceiving.  And, who says that super skin and bones is better?

There's nothing wrong with shedding weight but when you go to extremes such as starvation, that's a problem.  Starving the body isn't a good idea because you could damage internal organs.  And, spending time in the hospital doesn't sound like much fun.

Extreme dieting can kill you

If you yo-yo diet, you could ruin your body from the inside out.  Popping diet pills isn't always the best idea.  You have no idea what's in these pills and some people have become addicted to diet pills or died from taking them.

Exercising 7-days a week (the body needs rest) can do more harm than good, especially if you're exercising with a ton of clothes on and it's hot outside!  It's all right to exercise when it's warm out as long as you're smart about it.  Wear loose fitting clothes and drink plenty of water.  Otherwise, you could wind up in the hospital or the morgue!

Take off weight the right way

You may be a teen girl or boy who wants to lose weight.  This is great but there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Talk to your parents and tell them you'd like to release 20 lbs. or more.  Speak to your doctor and find the right nutritional plan for you because diets don't work!  It's best to tackle your weight with the proper guidance instead of doing it alone.

Family support is imperative.  Chances are if you're an overweight teen, your family is overweight.  Obesity is running rampant in the U.S. and is catching up to the rest of the world.  Life's too short to be carrying extra weight around with you.  Extreme dieting is not the answer but eating right and exercising is.

In Part II of Are You a Teen Who's an Extreme Dieter? I'll share my personal experience about extreme dieting.  Perhaps it will help some of you out there who are struggling with your weight.  Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of a great life because you are you!

You may not come from a cohesive, loving, gets along every day family but this doesn't mean you can't control your actions.  By now you understand right from wrong.  If you're acting out to get attention, it won't work.  It usually has the opposite affect such as punishment by your parents or worse, being sent to JV or detention home.

Your hormones are raging and you may be pissed off at the world.  Most teens usually go through some sort of teen angst.  Ask your parents about their teenage years.  It could be a way to open up the lines of communication if they've been shut.

It's best to deal with any issues you have today.  Waiting until you become an adult isn't the best solution.  How does carrying emotional baggage around with you for the rest of your life sound to you?  It's like a life sentence!  Many adults who experienced rough teenage years don't get to the root of their issues.  They carry around baggage with them that can go back 20 or more years.  Ouch!  Talk about a heavy load to carry from year-to-year.  This doesn't have to be your fate.

If you're doing stuff that's not good for you or society, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself "why?"  What are you getting out of it?  Who are you making wrong?  Who are you making right?  What's the point of it?  Inner reflection can be good for the soul.

You can't keep blaming your parents.  They're doing the best they can or did they best they could.  It's up to you to change your life for the better.  No one can make you do it.  You have the power to change.  Forget about worrying about your "friends" will say.  True friends wouldn't recommend that you do stuff that puts your life in jeopardy.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be liberating.  It's the first step to cleaning up your act.  It's up to you to realize you deserve the best in life.  Maybe you need to a life coach and or counselor.  Find someone who's willing to listen.  Get it all out of your system and ask help.  You'll be glad you did and you are worth it!

Your family means well but if you come from a dysfunctional background, they could be ruining your mind and life.  Is your family positive or negative?  What kinds of words do they say?  How do they feel about finances and money?  How supportive are they of your dreams?  Think about the words your family speaks and pay close attention to them because there could be a pattern that could be wreaking havoc on your life.

Let's face it; most parents raise their kids based on how they were raised.  It's not their fault.  A dysfunctional cycle repeats itself if no one stops it.  Your parents are just doing what they know.  You have the power to break the cycle once and for all.  Aren't you worth it?

Be careful with your words

There's some truth to the saying "be careful what you wish for."  The words you speak and think do create your life.  Are you always thinking negative thoughts like no one likes me?  Why can't I be smart like my brother?  How come she receives all the good breaks?  Negative thinking and words produces more negativity in your life.

You may not be able to help the way you speak and think because of your toxic environment.  If you're constantly bombarded with negativity it only makes sense that you'll probably be negative.  Unless, you decide today to stop listening!  Think about it, most parents complain that their kids don't listen to them.  This could work in your favor.  If mom and dad are pessimistic about finances and say stuff like, "...there's never enough, money doesn't grow on trees, you have to work hard, or life sucks," refuse to listen.  How do you know that there isn't enough?  How do you know you have to work hard?  There are many people who earn a great living, and they're not working hard!  They may love what they do and put in long hours, but the key point is they LOVE what they do -- it's not work to them.

Note:  I used to think that creating your life by the words you speak and your thoughts was a bunch of hooey, until I took a step back and evaluated my life now and in the past.  I noticed I created the same situations with different people.  This would be fine if I was writing a novel and needed different characters but this is my life.  I have no desire to go through crappy situations again.  I'd rather learn the lesson and move forward with my life.

What are you thinking?

Dr. Phil's famous for asking guests, "...what were you thinking?"  Well, what are you thinking?  Are you constantly thinking icky thoughts?  If you are, you could be creating a life that's filled with misery.  Take a look at your life right now.  How is it?  Do you have happiness and good fortune?  Do you have problems that never seem to end?  The first step is to evaluate your thoughts.  What do you think about every day?  Are they positive or negative thoughts?  Co-creating your life begins with a single thought.  It's not uncommon for you to have 60,000+thoughts per day.  That's a lot going on in your mind!

Give focus thinking a try for one week.  Think about what makes you happy.  Think about what you're grateful for in your life.  If a negative thought pops into your head say, '...thank you for sharing and let it float out of your mind."  You may be surprised at how your life begins to shift.

Remember, you get what you put out into the universe.  You may as think happy/positive thoughts that will create joy versus sucky thoughts that will create doom and gloom.  It's your decision!

You just have to love the adults in your life.  Sometimes when they open their mouths, the most negative words come out.  These words can do more damage than a punch to the stomach.  If you have people in your life that cut you down, just ignore them.

Sometimes the adults in your life don't realize how their words impact you.  Words can damage you for the rest of your life if you allow them to do so.  You have the power to delete the vile words that have been spoken over you.  Begin today so your present and future won't be tainted.

My niece's experience

My niece will be a senior in high school next year.  She's applying to colleges in Ohio and has begun to visit the colleges/universities of her choice.  I'm very supportive of her as are my mom and sister (her mom).   However, my niece's other grandma isn't that supportive.  She told my niece that she wasn't smart enough to get into the college of her dreams and questioned why my niece wanted to go to school far away.  I know the answer to the latter part of the question -- she wants to get away from certain family members.

My niece had a meltdown because her grandma, a family member, cut her and her dream down.  I immediately emailed my niece after I heard this.  Needless to say, I was absolutely livid and wanted to give the other grandma a piece of my mind.  After I calmed down, I realized that some people are still "asleep" and don't realize the power and impact of their words. 

I coached my niece and suggested she visualize herself at the college of her choice.  I gave her some affirmations to say so she could override and delete the words of the other grandma.  My niece is smart enough not to listen to this side of the family, but I wanted to ensure that she cleared out this negativity.

You are smart enough

If you have a strong desire to study a certain field or begin your own business, allow no one, not even family members to stop you.  When they say stuff like, "...you're not smart enough, you won't succeed, you'll never reach your goals, or there's no way you can do it," look at them and say, "....thank you for sharing."  Walk or run away from these people as fast as you can.  It's unfortunate, but you may have to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until you feel strong enough to be around them.

You create your life

What you can believe you can achieve is what Napoleon Hill said.  You have the power to live the life you want to now and in the future.  Limit the amount of time you spend around negative people.  In fact, it would be best if you stay away from these people all together.  Sometimes it's not easy to do because they're usually family members.  You can always excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or for a walk.  Clear you mind and picture yourself surrounded by a white light of protection.  Take a deep breath and realize that your family members are doing the best they can -- they're just asleep in their lives.

The next time someone tries to squash your dreams just ignore them.  Send them lots of love because they don't know what they're doing.  It's your life and you can be, do, and have anything you want.  You'll be required to take "inspired action."  When you do you'll create a beautiful life for you and that's what matters most!

Okay, you know  the saying "no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks," although some of you may have given your teachers cause to give you a "dirty" or disappointed look! 

What are you going to do for the summer?  Will you hang around the house and do nothing?  Will you antagonize your younger sibling(s)?  Maybe you'll hang out at the recreation center and swim all day long.  Whatever you do, make sure it's a productive and fun summer.

There's no excuse not to keep your mind sharp just because you don't have homework.  Read a couple of books to keep your mind engaged.  This way you'll be prepared when you go back in the fall.

You could play baseball or softball.  These two sports are big in the summer.  Being part of a team will be good for you.  You'll learn leadership skills, how to work together to achieve a common goal, and discipline.  Plus, it's a great way to stay in shape.

What to do over summer break

  1.  Volunteer at your favorite not-for-profit organization.
  2.  Read a couple of books.
  3.  Get a part-time job or start your own small business.
  4.  Join sports.
  5.  Go to camp.
  6.  Go to camp and become a camp counselor.
  7.  Create art.
  8.  Write.
  9.  Travel with the family or be an exchange student.
10.  Clean out the garage and or basement for your parents.
11.  Have a garage sale.
12.  Get in shape.
13.  Pickup litter around your neighborhood.

There's a lot you can do over the summer.  Lounging around the house and playing videos is one option but you may already do this.  Get off your butt and find something constructive to do such as take a few classes at your local recreation center.  Volunteer and give of your time.  Create a fundraiser for your favorite charity and donate the money.

You can do a lot over the summer.  It's your break from school, but you don't have to waste all of the time.  Help out more around the house or start looking at colleges and universities.  Put your "thinking cap" on and do something productive right now!

Playing sports can keep you out of trouble and teach you about teamwork at the same time.  Being part of a team is like being part of a family.  You watch out for one another and support one another.  If you're not playing sports, you may want to consider it.

Unfortunately, most schools are cutting extracurricular activities such as football, volleyball, baseball, track, softball, rugby, archery, basketball, and other sports programs.  This doesn't mean you can't play sports.  Get a group of friends together and create your own teams.  You can go to the park after your homework is finished or after school (get parent's permission) and play a game or two.  It will be great exercise for you!

Keeping out of trouble

Most teens get into trouble after school because parents work and no one is there to supervise them.  Is this you?  There's an alternative to wreaking havoc on your city or causing your parents grief.  Join a sports team and get involved in something that's fun and educational at the same time.

FYI:  Sports can save you from a life of crime or a life on the streets.  Just by being part of something that's bigger than you can help you change your life around for the better.

Some teens may frown upon playing sports and say that it's "lame" or for losers.  The only loser will be you if you keep getting into trouble.  You run the risk of being sent to Juvenile or Detention Hall.  How is that fun?  Why would you want to spend your teen years behind walls?  This doesn't make sense.  Playing sports can keep you from this unsavory life.  Just think about it.

Benefits of playing sports

If you want to get into a good college or university, sports can help you do that.  Many colleges and universities look at the extracurricular activities you were apart of when you were in high school.  This will make your application look well rounded.

Playing sports will teach you about teamwork.  One person can't do it all, even though it may seem like they can.  Think about it.  The offense and defense must work together in order to score points.  There may be individuals who stand out from time to time but all players are important to the success of a team.

If you need to shed a couple of pounds, playing sports is an excellent way to do this.  You'll lose weight because you'll be moving.  You won't be stuck in one spot like you are when you play video games.  Exercise is good for you and will keep you healthy and strong.

Sign up for a sport today

Playing sports is good for your mind, body, and soul.  You'll get fresh air if you play an outdoor sport.  You'll strengthen your bones and muscles.  Your mind will be getting exercise as well because you'll have to remember game plays and terminology.  Your soul will be cleansed because you'll be doing something you love and be part of a team.  It's all good!

Many teens will be graduating either from the 8th or 12th grade.  Eighth graders will be moving onto the 9th grade which means high school.  This can be scary!  High school seniors are graduating from the security of high school and into the "real world" which can be scarier than being a freshman in high school!  Graduation day doesn't have to be scary; it's a matter of perception.

Graduating from the eighth grade is exciting because you're no longer in junior or middle school (depending on your part of the world) but moving onto high school.  Some teens are afraid of not being accepted because they were a "big fish in a small pond" and now they'll be a "small fish in a big pond."  Some may be afraid because they'll be around junior and senior teens that can be intimidating, especially if you're still growing!  Remember these teens were once in your shoes -- everyone was once a freshman.

Tips for 9th Grade

1.  Remember, everyone was once a freshman.
2.  Look at it as a new beginning to be who you really want to be.
3.  Forget about getting caught up in any "drama" because it will drain your energy.
4.  Immerse yourself in activities that bring you joy.

Tips for High School Seniors

1.  Take a gap year to explore the world before you go to college or university.
2.  Realize that your dreams will change over time so avoid putting pressure on yourself to choose the "right" career.
3.  Reflect on the past four years and see how you changed and how much more you can grow.

High school seniors will leave the comfort and familiarity of high school.  Perhaps you were king or queen of the school but that's about to change because you're going off to college as a freshman.  Yep!  You get to be a freshman all over again, except this time it will be a little different. 

When you go to college, you'll no longer have "status" on compass.  This can be scary.  First, you're at college to learn not to compete in popularity contests.  Second, you could become popular (if that's important to you) all over again.  Finally, your college professors won't hold your hand.  If your work isn't turned in on time -- you'll face the consequences.

Perhaps after high school you'll take a "gap year" to explore the world.  Students in the UK and other countries do this.  They put off college for one year to explore and find out what they really want out of college.  This is a fabulous idea because you may find out that you have no desire to go to college.  Maybe you'll start a business or learn a trade.  It's up to you.

Graduation means you've completed another chapter or book in your life and ready for the next adventure.  Live life to the fullest and pursue your dreams.  Allow no one to tell you what career, business, or profession to pursue.  Experience everything that life has to offer and enjoy the ride!