I love my sister but she allows my 17-year-old niece to get away with murder!  Okay, not murder but my niece isn't being taught responsibility.  She recently got her driver's license and is out of control.  When my sister comes home from work, my niece takes the car and returns it with a gas tank that's on empty.  She doesn't eat right and is always sick.  My sister and he husband are at fault.  They're supposed to teach my niece about nutrition and responsibility.  Sometimes I believe that people who work in the medical field are the worst offenders when it comes to nutrition.  My sister is a medical assistant and knows that greasy fast food isn't good.  I know my sister is doing the best she can but she's the mom.  She and her husband must set and enforce the rules -- they're the parents!My niece may have a tough time when she goes off to college in the fall.  That is if she graduates on time.  She's missed too much school and could end up in summer school.  Her boss is ready to fire her because she's missed a lot of work.  She has to give the school and her boss a doctor's note.  Something must change; otherwise she'll be headed down a rocky path in life.

FYI:  When I was a teen my father told me that I had to pay for my own car insurance and put gas in my car.  He agreed to help with major repairs and purchases such as tires but if I missed a car insurance payment, my beloved Mustang GT would have been sold in less than 2.5 seconds!  I never missed a car insurance payment and my car always had gas!

When my niece goes off to college in the fall, she'll have a rude awakening.  The professors won't hold her hand and make sure her assignments are completed and turned in on time.  They won't care if she passes or fails because they get paid either way.  I'm sure there are some caring professors but most of them are looking for tenure and security.  My niece will be in charge; she isn't making good choice right now.

Tidbit:  My dad was laid off for over five years and times were tough.  The only time we ate fast food was on a Friday because my mom got paid every Friday.  We never had fast food or pizza every Friday but when we did it was a treat. 

Parents, it's up to you to set the rules of the house.  It's up to you to ensure your children develop good eating habits.  Fast food, chips, cookies, ice cream, and other foods aren't good for the body.  I'm not saying to deprive your children but eating 'junk food' seven-days a week isn't good for any body.  You could Plan meals ahead of time and get your teens involved.  Allow them to help prepare and serve meals.  Try to eat dinner together whenever you can as a family.  Teenagers need to learn independence but parents are still in charge until their teens leave the house!

BTW:  At the end of my sophomore year of high school, I took control of my eating habits and lost 40 lbs.  I had my mom buy me fruits and vegetables; I gave up red meat and fast food, and worked out.  I was tired of being picked on the kids at school and by some family members.  But more importantly, I knew I had to change my eating habits because if I didn't they could have killed me.

I was flipping through the stations and landed on The Dr. Phil Show.  I rarely watch Dr. Phil but decided to watch this episode.  The subject of the show had to do with a mom who harasses her teenage daughter Brooke about her weight.  The studio and television audience were shown clips of the mom and daughter getting into screaming matches and fights about the daughter's weight.  The mom berated and made her daughter feel like crap.  I had to press the mute button because I couldn't take the screaming.  Parents, yelling and screaming at your kids won't cause them to lose weight; it will cause them to gain weight!

Brooke's mom was upset that her daughter gained weight.  Brook's mom and dad walk to lose weight but Brooke doesn't walk with them because she says they walk too fast.  Whether or not this is true is beside the point.  The 'real' reason Brooke doesn't walk with her mom and dad is because of the way her mom treats her.  Who wants to be picked on all of the time?  It's a 'no brainer' that Brooke turns to food for comfort.

Dr. Phil told the mom she' a control freak; I agreed with his assessment.  The mom counter-argued that she has to control Brooke's life because she's not in control of her life.  The mom also stated that Brooke has a 'whatever attitude' and she doesn't like it.  Unfortunately, some teens and adults have a 'whatever' attitude. 

Brooke said something poignant during the show.  She told Dr. Phil that her mom doesn't understand what it's like to be a teenager in the 21st century.  Brooke is teased at school and her self-confidence and self-esteem are low.  Her mom should listen to her daughter because she's reaching out for help but the mom is too wrapped up in her own little world to listen.

Dr. Phil wasn't thrilled with this mom, although he gave her credit for caring about her daughter and her health.  Brooke likened her mom's voice to fingernails on a chalkboard!  At one point during the show, Dr. Phil sent the mom off stage.  When the mom came back he said to her, "Parents talk like their kids just showed up.  They don't take responsibility for them."  The mom admitted that this was true.

The solution for this situation was for Brooke to get help from Dr. Phil and others because the mom was undermining her self-esteem and sabotaging her.  Criticism was curbing Brooke's appetite -- it only enhanced it.

The next time you yell and scream and your teens to lose weight take a step back and regroup.  Ask yourself the following questions:  How is my behavior helping?  What can I do differently?  What is my son/daughter feeling and experiencing?  How did I feel when I was overweight?  Put yourself in your teenager's shoes.  It will help you find a solution that works not hurts!

*If you or your teen needs help, contact Structure House, a residential weight loss center.

I spoke with a mom from Chicago, IL and she told me how teens at her daughter's high school were bullies.  Her daughter is a young adult now but when she was in high school she was bullied.  The school she went to was a prestigious all-girls school.  Yes, bullying occurs in private and public schools; it doesn't discriminate.  I asked this mom, "Where would teens learn how to bully?"  She told me that she'd volunteer to help out with school functions and some of the moms were rude.  They weren't nice to the other moms and they'd break off into cliques.  If you're wondering why bullying is out of control, take a look in the mirror because your teens could be learning bullying from you.

You may not think your teens pay attention to you but they do.  They'll mimic your actions, thoughts, and beliefs.  If you're rude to people, they'll learn that behavior from you.  If you cut people off in traffic, your 16-year-old will learn that driving behavior from you.  Like it or not, you're responsible for raising your children.  Don't rely on teachers, school administrators, grandparents, and everyone else to do it for you.  These people are secondary.

Tidbit:  Dr. Phil recently told a mom:  "Parents talk like their kids just showed up.  They have children but don't take responsibility for them."

If you're wondering why bullying has spun out of control, you may want to take a look in the mirror.  Go within and honestly assess how you treat people. How do you treat your teens?  How do you treat employees at your local grocery store?  How courteous are you when you drive?  You may be surprised to learn that teens are learning bullying from you.  Be honest and truthful with yourself.  Forgive and have compassion for yourself.  You can change your behavior which will change the behavior of your teens.

Have you ever wondered what was bothering your teens?  They're not communicating with you and when you ask "what's wrong?" all they do is say "nothing" or give you a grunt!  Here's a list of things that may be going on with your teens but they don't want to tell you.

1.  They want to be left alone.  Sometimes teens just need their privacy.  Remember when you were a teen and you wanted to be left alone.  Your teens are the same.  Give them time and they'll eventually come around and speak with you.  Don't barge into their room demanding to know what is going on unless you have a "gut instinct" that says your teen may be dealing with something horrific.

2.  They just want you to listen.  Sometimes it's best to sit down and be quiet.  Teens need to know they can speak to you without you interrupting or dispensing years of wisdom on them.  It's good to be a 'sounding board' and allow your teens to vent their feelings.  Ask questions such as "How does that make you feel?"  Or what could you have done about it?"  Open ended questions put the responsibility on your teens to figure out how to deal with situations.

3. They may be dating even though you have set the dating age at 16.  Most teens, especially girls won't tell their parents if they're dating a guy before the "official" dating age.  Try to be flexible when it comes to dating.  Your teen may be more mature than others.  He or she could possibly handle dating before the age of 16.  You could try "group dates" and see how that works out.  Being rigid never works.

4. Their grades may not be as good as you thought they were.  Sometimes teens get bad grades and won't tell their parents.  They don't want to listen to you give them a lecture about the importance of grades.  To them it will sound like "blah, blah, blah."  Make sure your teens know they can tell you anything and this includes failing a "pop quiz" or test.  It's not the end of the world.  Besides, tests just measure how well you can memorize information.

5. They're uncomfortable speaking to you about sex.  Did your parents speak to you about sex?  They probably gave you a book!  It's safe to say that your teens are probably thinking about sex and may have already had it.  Keep the lines of communication open around the topic of sex.  It's better to be uncomfortable than to be a grandma or grandpa before your ready let along your teenagers becoming parents before they're ready.  Make sure teens know how to protect themselves against STDs, Aids, and STNs.  Visit Planned Parenthood for more information.

6. Everyone in the family needs to be held accountable for their actions.  If you have small children, they need to be held accountable for their actions.  It's not fair to ground your teenagers for something and to "brush off" their younger siblings when they do something inappropriate.  Stop using the excuse, "he's only five" because it doesn't work.

7. Give them a break.  How many mistakes did you make when you were a teen?  How many mistakes do you still make?  Nobody is perfect.  Before you yell and scream, walk away and take 10 deep breaths.  Go for a walk or workout.  Remove yourself in order to get a better perspective.  Perhaps your teens are experiencing something that is stressing them out and they don't want to tell you.  Get the facts before you jump to conclusions.

8. They lie to avoid consequences.  Remember when you stayed over your friend's house because you were too drunk to come home?  Remember when you broke the garage window and blamed it on the neighbor kids?  Your teens won't tell you anything if you lose your temper each time they do.  Underage drinking isn't fun to deal with but it happens.  Instead of going ballistic, tell you teens they can call you no matter what.  It's better to pick your teen up from a friend's house than to pick up their body from the morgue.  You can discuss the situation in the morning.

9. Makeup your mind about their age.  Are they a grownup or still a teen?  Parents sometimes tell their teens to act like a grownup and then tell them they can't do something because they're still a teen.  Which is it?  Make rules that have nothing to do with age such as "We're having Sunday dinner together or we're volunteering at the homeless shelter on Thanksgiving."  You set the rules, make sure your teens can follow them.

10. Trust your teens.  If your teenage daughter says she's not having sex, believe that she's not.  Remember when your parents didn't trust you?  How did that make you feel?  If you accuse your teens of doing stuff they're not, you won't have a trusting relationship with them let alone any relationship.  If you have a "fear" that your teens can't be trusted then your "fear" will become a reality.  Remember, you get what you focus upon every day.  Start trusting your teens instead of throwing accusations in their face.

Parents are under extreme pressure today.  Working to keep a roof over your family's head can stress you out and this can affect your parenting.  You may not mean to yell and scream or become passive aggressive but your actions and words can have repercussions.

Many parents function under pressure each day; your mental and physical healthy is at risk. This isn't healthy for you or your teens. When you fly they tell you to place the oxygen mask on yourself and then help your children or those next to you.  It's the same way with parenting.  If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of your family.

Tips for handling stress

1.  Meditate.
2.  Stop being everything to everyone.
3.  Learn to say "No" and mean it.
4.  Cut back on caffeine.
5.  Start working out or step up your workouts.
6.  Schedule "Me" time.
7.  Vent to your partner, spouse, friends, or family.  Try not to "blow up" in front of your teens.
8.  Seek counseling.  There's nothing wrong with seeking help.
9.  Join groups.  What do you like to do?  Cook?  Bake?  Golf?  Swim?  Sew?  Read?  Find a group and surround yourself with like-minded people.
10.  Volunteer.  You may not think you can fit volunteering into your busy schedules but even one hour a week or month can make a difference in your life and the lives of others.

Teens absorb what's around them; they're like sponges.  Nine times out of ten they internalize your issues and make it their fault.  It's not their fault and blaming yourself won't help the situation.  Take time to evaluate the stresses in your life and do your best to get rid of them the best you can.

Thought:  Have you noticed patterns in your life that may have formed because of your family environment?  Take a step back and reflect on your teen years.  Were they full of happiness of joy or angst and sadness?  Sometimes the answers can be found by looking at the past.  Don't stay there too long because you may become overwhelmed with emotion!

Parents, it's up to you to monitor your stress levels and ensure it doesn't affect your teens.  It's important for you to spend quality time with your family but don't forget to take time for yourself.  Moms can get their hair done along with a manicure and pedicure; you may want to splurge for a massage!  Perhaps you could have a night out with your friends.  Dads can golf, fish, workout, or spend time with the guys.  Whatever you do, make sure you detox from the stresses in your life before they infect your teens with anxiety.