Parents, do you have a rebellious teen?  Were you rebellious as a teenager?  Remember when you were rebelling against your parents or the system.  Your teen may be doing the same as you did 20 years ago.  Why is your teen rebelling?  Could it be the home environment is unstable?  Is she exercising her independence?  What about testing your patience?  Whatever the reason your teen is rebelling, go with the flow because this too shall pass!

I couldn't stand my home life because it was very dysfunctional.  I had an abusive, alcoholic father that I wished would go away forever.  Unfortunately, my mom wouldn't divorce him because she was afraid of what he may have done to us if she did.  So I had to be subjected to all of his B.S. which made me one hell of a rebellious teen!

In order to release my pain and anger I smoked, drank, was very outspoken (not in a good way), threatened to run away from home, and hung out with people who were older than me (it helps if you have friends with older brothers and sisters).  My mom smoked and so did half of my family.  What's that saying, "...monkey see, monkey do!"  I figured it was no big deal.  If they could do it, so could I.  If my father found out that I was drinking my response would have been, "...you're a full blown alcoholic lecturing me on the dangers of drinking -- yeah right!  Then I would have stormed off, gotten into my Mustang, and peeled out of the driveway!  God only knows where I would have gone.  All I know is that I couldn't take being in my home environment -- I wanted out!

FYI:  It would have been nice to have had some sort of outlet or someone who I could have spoken with about what was going on within my home.  Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone.

Tips for handling a rebellious teen

1.  Have open communication.  This doesn't mean yelling and screaming.  Let your teen know that you'll have a calm, rational conversation not one that's filled with obscenities and screaming!
2.  Give them an outlet to express themselves such as art, music, working out, biking, hiking, volunteering, sports, or some other activity.
3.  Clean up your act if you're an alcoholic or addicted to some other substance.
4.  Let them speak to a counselor or life coach.  These people can help teens get to the "root" of why they're rebelling.
5.  Let them express themselves through their clothing, hair, etc...You want to make sure they're not going overboard with provocative clothing, but allow them to choose clothing that makes them feel comfortable.

If your home environment is filled with abuse, addiction, and dysfunction, it's a recipe for a rebellious teen.  Your teen probably has a lot of responsibility put on them which includes parenting themselves or young siblings.  They're used to being the parent so of course they're going to rebel if you're lounging around the house with a bottle of whiskey or pills in your hand.  If you clean up your act and start to be the mom or dad, it's normal that they'd rebel against you because they've been the parent all along.  Let them know that you're sorry for everything.  Work together and show each other respect.  With time, you can mend your relationship with your teen.

Your home environment may be loving and supportive, but still have a rebellious teen.  Teens face more pressure today than back in the day.  Make sure you have open communication no matter what comes out of your teen's mouth.  They may be facing issues that they don't know how to handle such as being pregnant, gay/lesbian, feeling like an outcast, being overweight, or some other issue.  They may be unsure how you're going to handle whatever it is they're experiencing this moment.  Be loving and supportive and make it known you'll be there for them no matter what.

You can get through the rebellious teen years.  Make sure you're supportive and let your teen know you love them no matter what.  Your teen won't stay rebellious forever.  Take it with a grain of salt and remember that you were once a teenager!

Extreme Makeover Home Edition is known for rebuilding a family's home and dreams.  Some families run nonprofit organizations that benefit teens in the community.  Here are a few of those families that have been showcased on Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

The Wagstaff Family

The February 21, 2010 Extreme Makeover Home Edition featured the Wagstaff who started the nonprofit music school Studio Percussion.  They were sent to the Rock N' Roll Hall Fame in Cleveland, OH.  They were treated to a surprise meet and greet with the members of the band KISS.  The family's home is not only livable, but ready for sweet music that the family will create together.

The Tripp Family

"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition traveled to Prince George's County, MD - with celebrity volunteer Tyler Perry -- to tell Nikema, aka "Tripp," and Tamara Tripp that their small house, in need of major repairs they can't afford, will be rebuilt in seven days."

"Over three decades ago, Tripp's father ran a bus ministry for the Woodland Baptist Church, hoping to make his rough neighborhood a better place.  Now a generation later, Tripp and Tamara are continuing a family tradition of service and generosity.  About 40 kids each week and over 90 children on holidays board the bus for fun and safe activities that have ranged from bowling on a Friday night to flower arranging for Mother's Day."  Read more at TV Grapevine.

These and other families not only open their homes, they open their hearts to help teens in their community.  What do you do to help teens in your area?  What could you do to help teens in need?  If we all pitch in, we could make a difference in the lives of many teens around the USA and the world!

Some parents live vicariously through their teens.  Once upon a time, they were the all-star quarterback, head cheerleader, class president, or valedictorian.  Your high school days are over and it's time to move forward with your life.

Parents make the mistake of living through their teens.  Perhaps your dad didn't make the football team.  Now he expects you to be the quarterback, win every game, and go to the state championship.  Unfortunately, you have no interest in sports.  What's a teen to do?  Gently put your parents in their place and remind them high school has been over for them for quite some time.  It's time for your parents to live in the now.

Many teens have parents that want them to have the same dreams and goals as they did.  Here's a fact:  you created your teen that's it.  Once your teen is out all bets are off.  What you share is DNA and perhaps a few characteristics, that's it.  Your teen is an individual with their own mind which they'll use to create their own dreams.  You may think you can influence them, but it will not work.  The outcome is never good.

The fastest way to push your teen away from you is to live vicariously through them.  The past is gone and you can't go back and change it.  What you can do is embrace the present and do your best to make your dreams come true.  You may not be the all-star quarterback or head cheerleader, but you can be the best parent you can be and more!

Many parents are known as "helicopter" parents.  This means they hover all around their teens.  They show up at school unannounced, soccer games turn ugly, shopping for clothes turns into Project Runway, and dating becomes a disaster.  Avoid being a helicopter parents because it could back fire on you.

Hovering around your teens is not healthy.  It's great that you care about your teens, but lighten up!  You can suffocate your teens without even knowing it.  If you love and support your teens, they'll make the right choices most of the time.  Cut your teen some slack because they'll make mistakes.  This is how they learn and grow as a person.

Some parents are control freaks which is why they hover over their teens.  This will only push your teens away from you.  Teens need space and room to breathe.  Allow them to experience life and learn what it has to offer.  Allow them to experience the Law of Cause and Effect.  They'll soon find out that every action has a consequence.  If they keep making the same mistake over and over again, you can step in and show them what not to do.  Until then, back off!

Helicopter parents often do more harm than good.  Why?  Your teens will not be prepared to take care of themselves when they reach adulthood.  When your teens go off to college, will you go with them?  No, you will not.  Some parents have the audacity to call college professors when their child receives a bad grade.  Your teen received a bad grade because you probably did their homework for them when they were in high school.  Yes, there are parents who do their teen's homework.  This is not productive. 

If you don't give teens responsibility and do everything for them, how will they function in the world?  The answer is they will not be able to function and will live with you forever!  This may sounds a little far off, but it could happen.

Resist the urge to be a helicopter parent.  Allow your teens to make mistakes and learn from them.  Let them stand up for themselves and fight their own battles.  You can guide and council your teens, but allow them to make decisions on their own.  By the way:  showing your teens how to cook, do laundry, balance a checkbook, etc...This is not a bad idea either.

There's nothing worse than parents who make teens feel bad about themselves.  How did your parents treat you?  Perhaps your parents didn't encourage you, but instead pointed out flaws or "nitpicked" at you.  How did it make you feel?  You probably did not feel that great about yourself.  You probably had low self-esteem because of it.  Stop the cycle today.  This way your teen will turn out to be a well adjusted adult.

Encouraging teens to be and do their best will make a world of difference.  So what if your teenage daughter is not athletic, she's probably a science whiz who will find cures for diseases!  It's best to encourage her to stick with her studies rather than make or force her to be a softball star.

What do teens know

Teens either know what they like or will discover what they like and dislike.  Allow them to explore many options.  Yes, it's important to stick with something, but if they're bored out of their mind playing a musical instrument, it's not worth the time or money.  Let them find their passion at their own pace.

Parents can encourage their teens to just be themselves.  Quit comparing your teens to other teens or to siblings.  It's no wonder why there is such a thing as sibling rivalry!  Each teen is different, just accept it.  Just because they have the same DNA doesn't mean they will be exactly alike in all ways.  It doesn't work that way.  You may as well get over it!

No two teens are the same

All teens are unique and special.  They have different talents and interests.  Parents, encourage your teens to be the best they can be in life.  If they enjoy art, don't force sports onto them because you were the head cheerleader or quarterback. 

Make sure teens stay in school and graduate.  Some teens do find school very boring (I did) and not challenging enough.  Find alternative schooling options and activities they can join that will stimulate their mind.  For example, home schooling teens or sending them to a private or charter school could be better for them than public school.

Recognize that not every teen will enjoy college and or university.  Some may choose to go to a trade or art school.  It's their choice.  Who knows, years from now they may decide to continue their education with a four-year degree at your alma mater!

Love your teens no matter what

The worst kind of love is conditional which is "I'll love you if you do this or that." Unfortunately, many parents were raised with conditional love.  Avoid making the same mistake with your teens.  Love them no matter how they dress or wear their hair.  Remember how you felt when your parents told you not to wear spandex or stirrup pants with a fluorescent shirt.  I thought so!

Parents can help their teens by helping themselves.  Teens usually grow into adults whose lives mirror their parents. Parents who are argumentative, addicted, people pleasers, self-conscious, abusive, or non-motivated pass these norms onto their teens.  It just happens without warning.

Clean up your act and take responsibility for your life and show your teen what a great role model you are.  Take a step backward and find out where you got off track.  You can get back on the right path with help from a life coach, therapist, or both.  You don't have to be your parents!

Parents that grew up in a dysfunctional family which meant they saw their parents fight constantly or be abusive.  Most often parents end up becoming their parents even though they swear up and down they WILL NOT be like their parents.  It's a nice goal to have, but they end up becoming like their parents or worse.

Teens look up to their parents so make sure you're putting your best forward.  I'm not saying you must be a Perfect Penelope or Perfect Pete, but be conscious of how you live your life, who your friends are, what you say and how you say it, and how you behave will rub off on your teen.  

Many teens lack good role models.  Teachers, celebrities, and others try to fill the void.  It's YOUR JOB as parents to be the role model for your teens. Perhaps you didn't have a strong role model when you were growing up.  Do you want that for your teen?  Probably not.  Be the best role model your teen can have so they can be surrounded by positivity 24/7.  They'll thank you for it!

It cannot be stressed enough that MOST kids would rather be from a broken home then be in one.  There are some kids that prefer to stay in their current 'dysfunctional' situation because it's familiar and comfortable.  The thought of going into foster care scares kids because it's unfamiliar and they don't know what is happening with their family.  No teen deserves to go through this.

Parents, if you want to avoid putting your kids through hell, start taking responsibility for your life.  If you've stayed in a marriage 10 years too long, get out!  Seek help from family and friends or the community.  You could be slowly killing your kids!  You'll kill their spirit.  You'll cause dis-ease to enter into their body because you haven't taken responsibility for YOUR life!  Kids internally process what is going on around them.  They automatically think it's their fault money is tight or there is no money at all.  They think they cause mom and dad to argue because they were born.  However, parents are at the center of issues that surround a family.  It's not your teen's fault.

Teens pick up on things such as constant arguing and fighting which they translate as THEIR FAULT when it's really your fault.  Does blaming yourself help?  No.  But, it will help if you take responsibility for your life.  Face yourself in the mirror and look at your reflection.  What does it say?  Sad, happy, depressed, or frustrated?  How do you look?  Happy, pissed off, aggravated, or mad at the world?  Take the first step by taking responsibility for your life.  What happened in your childhood is over and you can't go back and 'physically' change it.  You can own and learn from it.  Use it to catapult you forward in your life instead of drowning you in cesspool of hopelessness and depression.

Stress at home will transfer to your teen.  Your teen will begin to act out, smoke, drink, do drugs, lose interest in school, and withdraw all together.  They may start feeling unloved and could even run away because they can't take it anymore.  If you want to avoid this, step up to the plate and take responsibility for your life.  Look at family history (your childhood) and repeating patterns.  What limitations were put on you as a teen?  What was your family home like?  Chances are what you experienced as a child has manifested itself again in one form or another.  If you want to put a stop to it once and for all, change your life so you can give your teens a better life than you had!

Many parents struggle to parent their teen because of the way they were raised.  Unfortunately, most parents WERE NOT raised in a healthy, loving environment.  They try to compensate for their childhood by trying to be different from their parents.  This doesn't work.  In fact, it can create more problems.  Unless you break the cycle BEFORE you have kids, you'll probably continue the cycle in one form or another.  The good news is if you recognize that you're continuing the cycle, you can take steps to stop it which will be healthy for you and your teens.

If you were raised in an alcoholic, abusive environment, chances are you'll do what you can to make sure you don't turn into your mother or father or both.  Yes, there's more than a 90% chance that you can become an alcoholic, but you do have a choice.  You don't have to become your parents.  If you were raised with a lot of yelling and screaming, you may end up yelling and screaming at your kids.  Wake up and take care of yourself so you can take care of your teens.

Remember, the chaos that you were raised in can manifest in other ways.  For example, you may not have been able to go on family vacations.  To compensate for this in your childhood, you'll probably do whatever you can (whether or not you can afford it) to take your kids on vacation.  This is not the answer.  Yes, you may not have been able to go on vacation, but don't get yourself into debt by taking your kids on vacation each year.  You can do other things with your teens such as volunteer as a family, go on picnics, visit the park, or go rollerblading!

Tips and Tricks to Raising Your Teen

1.  Mind your words because they are powerful.  For example, if you "nit-pick" your teen about his or her weight, they may resent you or develop an eating disorder.  Many girls develop eating disorders because they're striving for perfection; feel ugly and unloved, and

2.  If you're teen does something that really ticks you off, walk away as fast as you can.  You don't want to get into a screaming match with your teen.  Remember WHY you're upset.  You don't dislike or hate your teen; it's THEIR ACTION that upsets you.

3.  Watch your body language.  They way you carry yourself can impact your teen.  However, you can send a message that you're not thrilled with their attitude or actions.  You can do this in a POSITIVE way by using your body language.

4.  Be confident when you communicate with your teen.  Stand your ground in a loving way.  Always, always remind your teen that you love her and no matter what she does, you'll still be there.

5.  Respect your teen!  They are a human being -- living and breathing!  Don't try to fix your teen.  If they like art, let them enjoy art.  If they want to paint their room black, let them paint their room black -- you can repaint it when they move out.  The fastest way to kill your relationship with your teen is to insult or berate him.  Remember, you were once a teen!

You can't go back to your childhood and fix it.  You can't change how you were raised, but you can sure as hell do something about how you raise YOUR TEEN.  If you are still asleep in your life, it's time to wake up.  Your teen is the future of this world.  Isn't it time to step up to the plate and become the best parent you can become?  Your teen needs you.  They grow up fast when compared to generations such as the "baby boomers."  Make the decision today to parent your teen with love and respect and tomorrow they'll be happier and healthier.

A school in South Carolina has brought back corporal punishment.  According to an article in Newsweek titled "The Principal and the Paddle," Principal David Nixon has reintroduced corporal punishment into John C. Calhoun Elementary in Calhoun Hills, S.C.

According to the article, "...As punishment for a "major offense," such as fighting or stealing, students are told to place both hands on the seat of a leather chair and brace for what Nixon calls "a whippin'." Before he begins, though, he sits the child down for a quiet talk about why he, or she, is in trouble. He tries to determine if a deeper issue, such as a problem at home, might warrant a meeting with a counselor. If the child shows remorse, Nixon will often send him or her back to class without a spanking. Otherwise, he makes sure he is calm, and he makes sure his elbow is still. Then he delivers "three licks" to the child's rear end. If the child is a girl, then a female administrator does it."  Is this necessary?  What about the responsibility of parents to discipline their kids?

Corporal punishment is not the answer -- it's a "short-term" solution.  Plus, it's considered to be abusive by most scholars.  However, most of the parents at John C. Calhoun Elementary feel that the paddle is a deterrent rather than a weapon.  For example, Tim Rhodes, 42 says, "...I agree with the policy," who has two children at John C.  "Kids know if they do something wrong, they are punished."

On the flip side, Principal Nixon likes to reward the kids.  He feels the positive reinforcement is better.  For example, "...The best form of discipline," he says, "is praise." He brings pizza for classes that perform well on tests, and he's plastered the teacher's lounge with statistics on each student's performance."  Positive reinforcement is the best.  Paddling can breed negativity and anger within kids.  They can carry this into their adulthood and in turn carry into their marriages and relationships.  If your teens have kids, they may paddle their kids.  It's a cyclical effect.

Discipline must start at home!  Our teachers are supposed to be teaching our kids and preparing them for the future.  Teachers who must stop the class to address teens that are out of control end up getting frustrated and then quit.  Not to mention that the rest of the class suffers.  It's imperative that parents, parent their teens.  If you're struggling with parenting, get help.  Contact the principal or teachers at your teens school, reach out to your church or spiritual community, or go online to find someone in your area that can help you.  It's not too late to turn around a negative situation into a positive one!

What do you think?  Would you be for corporal punishment in your teens school?  Do you administer corporal punishment?

It's not uncommon for teens to be part of blended or "step" families.  Unfortunately, not all families are like the beloved 1970s TV show The Brady Bunch.  It was after all, a television series.  Problems were resolved within a half hour and they usually had a "happy" and moral ending.  It's not that easy in the 21st century.

Parents and teens will benefit from open communication.  Teens can express their feelings about their new blended families.  It will take some time for everyone to adjust to the situation.  Parents that expect their teens to instantly bond with a step mom or step dad are in for a rude awakening.  You can expect that your teens may rebel because they're not thrilled that you are remarried.  That's just how it goes so get over it!

Teens can do their part by realizing and accepting that mom and dad are not getting back together.  Both have moved on and have new people in their life.  The sooner you can accept this, the better.  There's no use in going overboard with getting upset or rebelling, even though it's to be expected.  You have the power as to how long you'll misbehave or even if you misbehave at all.

Tips to a Successful Blended Family

1.  Have open communication.  Parents and teens need to talk about the new step mom or step dad.  Allow teens to vent their anger and frustration.  This is a good way to release negative emotions.  Parents it's up to YOU to let the "new" man or woman know that they can or cannot discipline your teens.  Don't wait until something happens like your teen gets caught smoking pot or drinking a six pack!  Set rules and boundaries early on so everyone is on the same page.

2.  Choose a family night.  The best way to get to really know everyone is to spend time with each other.  Set aside some time during the week or on the weekend for a family night.  Make sure that the date is acceptable for all parties involved.  Order some pizzas, have a family dinner night where everyone takes part in preparing the meal, or go out to dinner.  Sit around the table and play some board games and take time out to interact with one another.  You'll get to know each other better and the transition will be smoother.

3.  Seek professional help.  Seeing a Life Coach or Professional Counselor (if issues are beyond the scope of a life coach) may be a good idea for the entire family.  This is a good way to be proactive BEFORE you begin dating which could lead to a 2nd marriage.  You and your teens can express your feelings and deal with issues that may still be lingering from a separation or divorce.

Steps families don't have to be horrible.  Open communication between parents and teens is necessary to ensure a smooth transition as possible.  Blending of families has become a cultural norm.  Today, it's not uncommon for parents to be on their 2nd or 3rd marriage.  Of course, before you begin to date you may want to evaluate what went wrong in your first marriage before starting a long-term relationship.  If you're transitioning into a blended a family, make sure everyone is on the same page and you'll enjoy a happy family life.