Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:04:11 -0800WeeblyWed, 13 Apr 2011 05:57:21 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/04/are-you-a-do-as-i-say-not-as-i-do-parent.htmlI read a great article about how parents who parent their kids with the "Do as I say, not as I do" parenting method. How's that working for you? When I was a teen, I was curious about smoking. My mom, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and neighbors smoked, and I figured there wouldn't be an issue if I tried it. One day I decided to take my mom's unfinished cigarette and fire it up! Unbeknownst to me, my mom was on her way home from work! I did my best to quickly put out the cigarette and spray the smoke away. Did I get busted? Yes, I did. However, I pulled the "You smoke so why can't I?" My mom didn't know what to say -- she knew I was right. The same thing applied when I tried beer as a teenager. I come from an alcoholic family so I figured I could handle it more so than other teens. Luckily, I'm an adult now and realize my choices weren't the best. I didn't realize this when I was a teen because I was very rebellious. My home life and family was such a mess, and I acted out.

If you smoke, drink, max out your credit cards, do drugs, sleep around, etc. and tell your kids not do it, they will do it. It's better to parent by example rather than tell kids not to do what you do. Your teens will have more respect for you, especially if you take the time to explain the consequences of their actions. Telling kids not to drink, smoke, do drugs, etc. without giving them an explanation won't work -- it didn't work on me when I was a teen.

Like it or not, your teens learn from your actions and words. You are their greatest teachers. Make sure you lead by example. Keep the lines of communication open and don't silence your teens. Listen to them and what they have to say. For example, you may be uncomfortable speaking about certain topics such as sex, but it is better they receive the information from you versus their friends or the internet. Sex is such a taboo subject in the U.S. when compared to other countries. It's not surprising that the U.S. has a high teen pregnancy rate compared to European countries. 

Take a deep breath and keep your eyes and ears open. Teens need their parents today more than ever. Remember, you were once a teenager. Why not learn from your parents and grandparents mistakes and try a new parenting method? Be open and honest and don't lie to your teens. Strengthen your relationship by spending time with them but also give them their space to figure out who they are right now and who they want to be in the future. Give it a try. What do you have to lose?
]]>Wed, 30 Mar 2011 13:34:35 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/03/do-you-need-a-legal-guardian-for-your-teen.htmlI temporarily moved back to Ohio from Arizona and have been wondering why I'm here. I'm ready to go back to the Southwest/West. Lo and behold, a few days ago, my 17-year-old niece who plays rugby, hit her head. She didn't go to the doctor straightaway which wasn't the right decision. She finally went to the doctor and they sent her for a CAT scan. Unfortunately, my sister and brother-in-law were working and couldn't take her. Grandma got upset about the situation and couldn't take my niece to the wellness center. I had to step in and drive my niece to get her CAT scan. I was not prepared for the question I was asked, "Are you your niece's legal guardian? I replied, "No, I'm the godmother!" One of the women explained that Ohio law has changed and a minor can't be seen without the consent of a parent or legal guardian. Employees are no longer allowed to call mom or dad for approval. Who knew? This made me wonder, do parents need to have legal guardians for their teens? It could be worth investigating.

Life happens and sometimes it doesn't go as you plan it to. You never know when you'll need the help of family and friends. If something happens to you and your spouse or partner, who would take care of your teens? What would you do? How would your teens get to the doctor or hospital? Would they receive help without you being present? This is something to think about.

If you don't have a will, it's time to create one with the help of an attorney. Make sure you appoint one to three legal guardians for your teens because you need backups in case something happens to you and or one of the guardians. For example, the first legal guardian may move or die. The same goes for legal guardian number two. It's best to have at least two or even three legal guardians to ensure that your teens will be taken care of if you can't be there for them.

Taking my niece to the wellness center made me realize more than ever, people in the U.S. need to wake up and pay attention to the laws being passed in their state and the U.S. as a whole. If you don't pay attention to what is going on within your community, state, and country, you could be left out in the cold and so could your teens. It will behoove parents to consider appointing legal guardians for their teens. You never know when they'll need to go to the doctor or hospital. Make sure you have someone who'll be there for them.
]]>Thu, 17 Mar 2011 10:26:18 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/03/5-things-stopping-you-from-enjoying-parenthood.htmlHey, parents! How happy are you? Is it possible to find happy parents on the planet today? Unfortunately, magazines and television shows don't always portray families and parenting in a 'real' manner. Most parents are overworked, overtired, and underpaid. They're on auto-pilot, going through the motions of life. If this sounds like you, you're not alone. What is getting in the way of enjoying parenting? Let's take a look.

1. Worry

Who doesn't worry? Most parents worry if their kids are fitting in at school. They worry if their kids will fall in with the wrong crowd and become drug addicts. They worry if their teenage son will get a girl pregnant or teenage daughter will become pregnant. They worry about keeping a roof over their family's head, having enough food in the house, paying the bills on time, keeping their job(s), etc. If they fight with their kids, they worry if they'll run away from home.

Your life won't be free from stress until you stop worrying. How peaceful is your life? It's probably filled with anxiety and fear because you worry 7-days a week. Stop worrying today so you can have a peaceful tomorrow. Give your kids lots of TLC and they'll be fine. Worrying doesn't solve anything; it only makes life miserable and sad.

2. Flying solo

If you're afraid to ask for help, you may want to get over it. In many countries, extended families and community members help take care of children. Reach out to family and community members to see who can help you. Don't be hurt if family can't help; they probably have stuff going on their life. Take advantage of programs offered by your child's school. Everyone needs support -- you won't get it if you don't ask for it.

3. Comparing yourself to other parents

Do you compare your parenting skills to family and friends or PTA members? You don't live with these people 24-hours a day to see what really goes on within their home. You may think these people would be nominated for 'Parents of the Year' but you could be wrong. Do the best you can and stop comparing yourself and your kids to others.

4. You think you can 'magically' change your kids

The only person you can change is yourself. This is difficult for some people to hear but it's the truth. Once you have your kids, all bets are off. They may have come through you, but they're not you. They share your DNA but that may be where the similarities end. If you have a teen that's artistic and wants to go to art school, don't force her to give that up for law school. She'll resent you and herself for allowing you to talk her into attending a college/university she didn't want to go to. Love your kids and all of their quirks as they love you!

The next time you get the 'urge' to change your kids, stop and ask yourself, "Who's benefit is this for?" How will this improve our home life?" If you assign your kids chores, let them do them. Stop trying to control how they do the work. There is more than one way to accomplish a task.

5. You don't have to listen to your parents and or in-laws.

Sometimes 'Mother/Father' doesn't know best. It is okay to parent your children they way you want to. You don't have to listen to your parents or in-laws. If their advice resonates with you then incorporate it into your parenting tools. If not, let it go in one ear and out the other. You're an adult and don't have to listen to your parents/in-laws. If you have a husband that goes 'weak in the knees' when his mother gives parenting advice, remind him that he's married to you and not his mother.

Take the pressure off of parenting. Enjoy your kids while you can because they'll be in the 'real' world before you know it. Remember, you can choose to be happy right now. You don't have to wait until your children get into the colleges and universities of their choice. You only have the present moment, you may as well be happy!
]]>Mon, 28 Feb 2011 06:41:37 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/02/parenting-classes-could-deter-teens-from-having-sex.htmlMost parents don't want their teens to become 'teen parents' but it happens. They're not prepared to deal with the responsibilities of parenthood at 16. Should they take parenting classes? Should all teens take parenting classes? Harvard School of Medicine professor Dr. Alvin Poussaint believes teens should be taught parenting and child development beginning at the middle school level. They take drivers education; some still have health/sex education, why not parenting education? It makes sense.

Dr. Poussaint makes a relevant point, "most of us are going to be parents." This is true. Most teens learn how to drive because they'll eventually purchase their own vehicles which will take them to and from their place of employment and or businesses. Why not educate them on how to be a parent? If they know and understand that it means to be a parent, perhaps they won't be inclined to have sex at 14 or 16.

According to Dr. Poussaint, "The most important time to develop children's brains is birth to 3 years," he said. "What do you have to do to help those families? You'd have to get into the homes some way. You'd have to get to people before they have children."

Implementing parenting classes in middle and high school is a good idea. Opponents will say the classes will influence teens to have sex. Newsflash: they're already having sex! Parenting classes will teach them valuable parenting skills, but most importantly it will teach them that being a parent isn't easy. It's a full-time job and major, major responsibility. Perhaps parenting classes will 'scare' teens and stop them from having sex. It could happen! This would reduce teen pregnancy and the number of unwanted pregnancies in the U.S. and that's a good thing.
]]>Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:23:28 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/02/what-are-the-positive-and-negative-effects-of-single-parenting.htmlTo say that being a single parent is tough is an understatement. Everything's on your shoulders including raising your children. How do you cope? How do you survive? How do you give your kids everything from love to a roof over their head? You do the best you can but being a single parent doesn't have to be all negative, there are positive effects of single parenting.

Positive effects of single parenting

1. The responsibility of raising your kids lies with you. If you have sole custody of your children, you won't have to worry about an ex spouse or partner raising your children with less than ideal morals and values.
2. You can teach your children about responsibility. Everyone has a role to play and their contributions are important.
3. You have a community. If you're lucky, you have people who love you and your kids and are willing to help out whenever you need it. This is a great way to teach children how a community of people can make a difference.
4. You and your kids will develop strong bonds.
5. Your children will see first-hand that sometimes life has its ups and down. It can turn on a dime and your situation can change within a split second. They'll learn how to move forward and won't become a victim of their circumstances.
6. Children will learn life balance. They'll be your number one priority; however, they won't be the center of the universe. They'll learn the importance of alone time and will learn how to express their needs; they'll understand the difference between needs and wants.

Negative effects of single parenting

1. The responsibility of raising your kids lies with you.
2. You may not have an 'extended' support system.
3. Your ex spouse/partner may not be cooperative.
4. You could experience a social stigma.
5. You may not be able to advance your education because you work two or three jobs. You may struggle financially.
6. You and your children may experience more psychological problems.
7. Children may suffer from abuse more so than those within a cohesive family unit. Parents may become angry by their situation and take it on their kids.
]]>Thu, 10 Feb 2011 12:41:53 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/02/7-tips-to-helping-your-teen-become-visible-at-school.htmlI was reading Dear Abby and she answered a question from 'Overwhelmed in Ohio' who's helping a fellow student become visible to his classmates.  Abby's assured 'Overwhelmed in Ohio' that Dan will move on and build a life after high school.  However, readers disagreed with Abby's response.  If Dan is considered an outcast in high school, how will he overcome his social status? Who's helping Dan overcome the barriers that are holding him back from developing healthy social skills?  Needless to say, readers had a lot to say on this subject.

Teens that experience difficulties in social settings require help overcoming anxiety they may feel when surrounded by people.  If they develop social cues in their teenage years, the skills will last a lifetime.  Otherwise, they'll feel ostracized and that can be tragic.

10 tips to helping your teens become visible at school

1.  Recognize the signs of autism or aspergers syndrome because your teen's behavior can be affected by these disorders.

2.  Hire a life coach and or counselor.  Perhaps your teen will benefit from speaking with a life coach and or counselor.  Your teen could be experiencing hang-ups with socializing for many reasons.  Did you move?  Did you get divorced?  Did you teen skip a grade?  Your teen could have many reasons why they feel invisible.

3.  Enroll them in self-assertiveness classes.  Your teen may benefit from classes that help them increase their self-esteem and self-confidence.  Karate is a great way to improve confidence. 

4.  Encourage your teen to get involved in school activities.  If your teen loves the theater, they could join the drama club.  If they're a 'math' whiz, they could join the math club.  You may have to find outside activities if your teen's school has discontinued programs due to budget cuts.

5.  Find your teen a mentor.  Your teen could benefit from spending time with someone who can provide them with additional guidance.  Enroll them in a program like Big Brothers and Big Sisters where they'll be matched with someone who can mentor them and help them improve their social skills.

6.  Encourage your teen to join Toastmasters Youth Leadership because they'll learn how to speak in public and make friends at the same time.

7.  Teach your teen about self-love.  Even though you love your teen, they need to love themselves.  Have them do a 'mirror' exercise where they stand in front of the mirror and say "I love you" over and over again.  It will make a difference.
]]>Mon, 24 Jan 2011 09:28:00 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/01/ways-to-develop-leadership-skills-in-youth.htmlMost parents are doing the best they can to raise happy and healthy kids.  However, they could use some help when it comes to developing leadership skills in youth.  If parents aren't leaders themselves, how can they teach kids how to be leaders?  It's up to community leaders and those interested in working with kids to teach them about leadership skills.  Parents can learn something as well.

Ways to Develop Leadership Skills in Youth

Give children chores to do.  By assigning children responsibility, you're teaching them how to take charge of something.  For example, if you assign them to take out the trash every week, they could make sure one garbage can is for recyclables and the other is for regular garbage. It's their job to make sure the garbage is separated and placed in the proper garbage receptacle.  Otherwise, it could be a messy situation.

Send children to camp.  Parents may enjoy this one more than the kids.  While summer camp is a great place to meet new people, it's a good way to learn and develop leadership skills.  Children will have responsibilities like making their bed or perhaps be in charge of leading a camp song.

Purchase a calendar.  Let your children keep track of their activities.  Not only will this teach them how to keep a schedule, it will teach them time management skills.  If they have too many activities scheduled on the same day, this will cause a conflict.  They'll see first-hand what it's like to overextend oneself.  Allow them to make the decision as to which activities they'll pursue and which ones they could let go.

Teach children the art of negotiation.  Negotiating is a skill most people lack.  Everything is negotiable!  The sooner your children learn this skill the better.  It's imperative to keep the lines of communication open when you negotiate and to remove personal feelings.  Analyze the situation.  What are the other side's strengths and weaknesses?  Reacting negatively to a situation isn't a good idea.  You must also listen if you want to be a successful negotiator.  Constantly interrupting someone won't get you anywhere. 

Know what your leverage is; analyze the other party's leverage.  Compromise is apart of negotiation but stick your guns.  What is the best offer you can justify?  How do you respond to a counter-offer?  What types of concessions can be made?  What's the best resolution?

Teach children the art of persuasion.  A good leader knows how to sell ideas.  If your children want a video game, ask them to persuade you to buy it for them.  Have them make an argument as to 'why' you should buy them the video game.  This will teach them how to explain their reasoning and convince you it's a good idea.

Enroll children in team sports.  It's important for children to be able to be apart of a team.  However, teams need leaders.  A good leader knows that he/she are only as strong as their players.  A good leader won't insult the other players but will show them how to improve their game.   A good leader can rally the team onto victory through inspiration and motivation.  A good leader knows when to accept the praise and how to praise others.
]]>Mon, 17 Jan 2011 10:35:53 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/01/dont-yell-at-your-teens-get-organized.htmlMy niece and nephew took refuge by their grandma's because their mom yelled at them because she thought they took her cord that connects her iPod to her radio. They told her they didn't take it but she was on the war path and wasn't about to listen to them.  Did their mom find the cord?  Yes, she did.  It was in her bedroom!  Organization goes a long way and can make your life easy.

Before you accuse your teens of stealing your iPod, MP3 player, video game, favorite pen, or whatever it is you need, look for it.  If you can't find your personal possessions, it may be time to get organized.  Being organized will make your life easier because you'll be able to find what you're looking for.  Instead of spending hours looking for whatever it is you need, put it in a storage cabinet or drawer.  You'll save yourself time and headaches.

Organization tips

1. Buy cabinetry and have it installed in your garage and laundry room.  Put away the gardening tools, fertilizer, windshield washer, oil, anti-freeze, and whatever else you have in your garage. Clean up your laundry room and the next time you have to do laundry, you'll be able to find the detergent, fabric softener, dryer sheets, and whatever else you use.
2. Put paper, pens, and pencils in an office caddy.
3. Buy wicker or plastic bins to organize your home office, laundry room, mud room, bathrooms, and bedrooms.  
4. Buy a closet organizer and get your shoes off of the floor! By slim hangers because they don't take up that space.
5. Buy a filing cabinet and put your important papers in it.  Make sure you buy a fire proof and lockable cabinet.
   

Being organized is a life saver because you'll know exactly where your stuff is and your home won't look like a cyclone went through it.  A home is supposed to be your sanctuary.  If there are clothes everywhere, dishes piled in the sink, and junk on your dining room table, how will that make you relax?  You'll become anxious because there's stuff everywhere; you probably can't move.  Your friends and family may not want to come over because they may think your house isn't clean. 

Note: Please don't keep your home messy to deter your in-laws or parents from visiting you.

It's a New Year, get organized and watch how your life becomes simpler.  You'll be able to find paper, pens, and pencils if you need it.  Your laundry room will look immaculate because everything is off of the floor and in its proper place.  If your  home isn't organized, clean up one room at a time.  Before you know it, your home will be sparkling clean and your life will be organized!
]]>Fri, 14 Jan 2011 07:54:36 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/01/the-pros-and-cons-of-cosmetic-surgery-for-teens.htmlMany teens have taken drastic measures such as getting cosmetic surgery to cope with bullying.  Popular surgeries with teen girls are breast augmentations and nose jobs.  Teen boys opt for breast reduction surgery and ear tucks.  Teens' need their parents consent to have surgery and many of them are giving it.  Is this the solution to bullying?  Is this the solution to self-esteem issues?  Or, is it a temporary solution to issues that could be life-long?

Most doctors will perform cosmetic surgery on teens as long as they have their parents consent.  However, many are discouraging teens from getting cosmetic surgery.  They suggest counseling because teens may not be in the right mental state to understand what surgery entails.  It’s complicated and could result in death or infections.  It may not solve the bullying problem.

Parents, it’s up to you to inform teens that cosmetic surgery isn’t a permanent solution.  Teens need help developing a healthy self-esteem. If their self-confidence is low, help them increase it. Tell them they’re beautiful no matter what anyone says.  Tell them they have the power to change but it must come within.  Once teens do the ‘inner work’ their outer world will change in ways they can only imagine.

Pros to cosmetic surgery

• Teens feel better about their appearance.
• Teens receive a ‘boost’ to their self-confidence.
• Teens believe they’re better off than they were before they had surgery.
  

Cons to cosmetic surgery

• It’s a temporary fix to self-confidence and self-esteem issues that could last a lifetime.
  
• Complications could happen from the surgery.
• Sometimes infections occur.
• Sometimes death occurs because of cosmetic procedures (depends on how many surgeries you have).
  

Whether or not your teens have cosmetic surgery is a discussion you’ll have to have with them.  If you believe it’s the answer to their prayers then go ahead and schedule the surgery.  If not, get your teens counseling and help them work out their issues from the inside out.  It could save their lives in more ways than one.

Would you allow you teen to get cosmetic surgery?  Share.
]]>Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:26:54 -0800http://www.deorconsulting.com/5/post/2011/01/is-there-a-benefit-to-teen-pregnancy.htmlI read an article about how teen pregnancy can benefit some teen girls.  If a teen girl is from a poor neighborhood, being pregnant means alcohol and drugs are not an option if she wants a healthy baby.  It's believed that a teen girl will be committed to the baby and will stay home at night to care for the child.  Is this true?  Wouldn't a teen girl from a poor neighborhood struggle to provide for her baby?  Will she end up on welfare?  It's an interesting point-of-view.

It's true that a teen girl's partying ways (if she parties) could be curbed if she wants a healthy baby.  If not, she can do damage to her and the baby.  The pregnancy could be riddled with complications.

Teen pregnancy will show a teen that raising a child isn't easy.  It's a major responsibility and sometimes you must sacrifice sleep and having fun because you have a baby to support.  Your friends may leave you because they don't have kids and want to hang out with people like them.  When you have a child your life changes in ways that you can’t imagine.

A teen that gets pregnant will face challenges, especially if the family isn't supportive.  They'll go from a child to an adult over night.  If you have a teen that's pregnant, do the best you can.  Help them make the best decisions for them and the baby.  They need love and support.  It may not be an ideal situation but they're still your child.

Do you think teen pregnancy has benefits? If so, what are they? 
]]>