I was flipping through the stations and landed on The Dr. Phil Show.  I rarely watch Dr. Phil but decided to watch this episode.  The subject of the show had to do with a mom who harasses her teenage daughter Brooke about her weight.  The studio and television audience were shown clips of the mom and daughter getting into screaming matches and fights about the daughter's weight.  The mom berated and made her daughter feel like crap.  I had to press the mute button because I couldn't take the screaming.  Parents, yelling and screaming at your kids won't cause them to lose weight; it will cause them to gain weight!

Brooke's mom was upset that her daughter gained weight.  Brook's mom and dad walk to lose weight but Brooke doesn't walk with them because she says they walk too fast.  Whether or not this is true is beside the point.  The 'real' reason Brooke doesn't walk with her mom and dad is because of the way her mom treats her.  Who wants to be picked on all of the time?  It's a 'no brainer' that Brooke turns to food for comfort.

Dr. Phil told the mom she' a control freak; I agreed with his assessment.  The mom counter-argued that she has to control Brooke's life because she's not in control of her life.  The mom also stated that Brooke has a 'whatever attitude' and she doesn't like it.  Unfortunately, some teens and adults have a 'whatever' attitude. 

Brooke said something poignant during the show.  She told Dr. Phil that her mom doesn't understand what it's like to be a teenager in the 21st century.  Brooke is teased at school and her self-confidence and self-esteem are low.  Her mom should listen to her daughter because she's reaching out for help but the mom is too wrapped up in her own little world to listen.

Dr. Phil wasn't thrilled with this mom, although he gave her credit for caring about her daughter and her health.  Brooke likened her mom's voice to fingernails on a chalkboard!  At one point during the show, Dr. Phil sent the mom off stage.  When the mom came back he said to her, "Parents talk like their kids just showed up.  They don't take responsibility for them."  The mom admitted that this was true.

The solution for this situation was for Brooke to get help from Dr. Phil and others because the mom was undermining her self-esteem and sabotaging her.  Criticism was curbing Brooke's appetite -- it only enhanced it.

The next time you yell and scream and your teens to lose weight take a step back and regroup.  Ask yourself the following questions:  How is my behavior helping?  What can I do differently?  What is my son/daughter feeling and experiencing?  How did I feel when I was overweight?  Put yourself in your teenager's shoes.  It will help you find a solution that works not hurts!

*If you or your teen needs help, contact Structure House, a residential weight loss center.