There's nothing worse than parents who make teens feel bad about themselves.  How did your parents treat you?  Perhaps your parents didn't encourage you, but instead pointed out flaws or "nitpicked" at you.  How did it make you feel?  You probably did not feel that great about yourself.  You probably had low self-esteem because of it.  Stop the cycle today.  This way your teen will turn out to be a well adjusted adult.

Encouraging teens to be and do their best will make a world of difference.  So what if your teenage daughter is not athletic, she's probably a science whiz who will find cures for diseases!  It's best to encourage her to stick with her studies rather than make or force her to be a softball star.

What do teens know

Teens either know what they like or will discover what they like and dislike.  Allow them to explore many options.  Yes, it's important to stick with something, but if they're bored out of their mind playing a musical instrument, it's not worth the time or money.  Let them find their passion at their own pace.

Parents can encourage their teens to just be themselves.  Quit comparing your teens to other teens or to siblings.  It's no wonder why there is such a thing as sibling rivalry!  Each teen is different, just accept it.  Just because they have the same DNA doesn't mean they will be exactly alike in all ways.  It doesn't work that way.  You may as well get over it!

No two teens are the same

All teens are unique and special.  They have different talents and interests.  Parents, encourage your teens to be the best they can be in life.  If they enjoy art, don't force sports onto them because you were the head cheerleader or quarterback. 

Make sure teens stay in school and graduate.  Some teens do find school very boring (I did) and not challenging enough.  Find alternative schooling options and activities they can join that will stimulate their mind.  For example, home schooling teens or sending them to a private or charter school could be better for them than public school.

Recognize that not every teen will enjoy college and or university.  Some may choose to go to a trade or art school.  It's their choice.  Who knows, years from now they may decide to continue their education with a four-year degree at your alma mater!

Love your teens no matter what

The worst kind of love is conditional which is "I'll love you if you do this or that." Unfortunately, many parents were raised with conditional love.  Avoid making the same mistake with your teens.  Love them no matter how they dress or wear their hair.  Remember how you felt when your parents told you not to wear spandex or stirrup pants with a fluorescent shirt.  I thought so!

Parents can help their teens by helping themselves.  Teens usually grow into adults whose lives mirror their parents. Parents who are argumentative, addicted, people pleasers, self-conscious, abusive, or non-motivated pass these norms onto their teens.  It just happens without warning.

Clean up your act and take responsibility for your life and show your teen what a great role model you are.  Take a step backward and find out where you got off track.  You can get back on the right path with help from a life coach, therapist, or both.  You don't have to be your parents!

Parents that grew up in a dysfunctional family which meant they saw their parents fight constantly or be abusive.  Most often parents end up becoming their parents even though they swear up and down they WILL NOT be like their parents.  It's a nice goal to have, but they end up becoming like their parents or worse.

Teens look up to their parents so make sure you're putting your best forward.  I'm not saying you must be a Perfect Penelope or Perfect Pete, but be conscious of how you live your life, who your friends are, what you say and how you say it, and how you behave will rub off on your teen.  

Many teens lack good role models.  Teachers, celebrities, and others try to fill the void.  It's YOUR JOB as parents to be the role model for your teens. Perhaps you didn't have a strong role model when you were growing up.  Do you want that for your teen?  Probably not.  Be the best role model your teen can have so they can be surrounded by positivity 24/7.  They'll thank you for it!

It cannot be stressed enough that MOST kids would rather be from a broken home then be in one.  There are some kids that prefer to stay in their current 'dysfunctional' situation because it's familiar and comfortable.  The thought of going into foster care scares kids because it's unfamiliar and they don't know what is happening with their family.  No teen deserves to go through this.

Parents, if you want to avoid putting your kids through hell, start taking responsibility for your life.  If you've stayed in a marriage 10 years too long, get out!  Seek help from family and friends or the community.  You could be slowly killing your kids!  You'll kill their spirit.  You'll cause dis-ease to enter into their body because you haven't taken responsibility for YOUR life!  Kids internally process what is going on around them.  They automatically think it's their fault money is tight or there is no money at all.  They think they cause mom and dad to argue because they were born.  However, parents are at the center of issues that surround a family.  It's not your teen's fault.

Teens pick up on things such as constant arguing and fighting which they translate as THEIR FAULT when it's really your fault.  Does blaming yourself help?  No.  But, it will help if you take responsibility for your life.  Face yourself in the mirror and look at your reflection.  What does it say?  Sad, happy, depressed, or frustrated?  How do you look?  Happy, pissed off, aggravated, or mad at the world?  Take the first step by taking responsibility for your life.  What happened in your childhood is over and you can't go back and 'physically' change it.  You can own and learn from it.  Use it to catapult you forward in your life instead of drowning you in cesspool of hopelessness and depression.

Stress at home will transfer to your teen.  Your teen will begin to act out, smoke, drink, do drugs, lose interest in school, and withdraw all together.  They may start feeling unloved and could even run away because they can't take it anymore.  If you want to avoid this, step up to the plate and take responsibility for your life.  Look at family history (your childhood) and repeating patterns.  What limitations were put on you as a teen?  What was your family home like?  Chances are what you experienced as a child has manifested itself again in one form or another.  If you want to put a stop to it once and for all, change your life so you can give your teens a better life than you had!

The USA is known for its HIGH divorce rate.  Things don't work out, get a divorce.  Yes, sometimes divorce is the only way out because of abuse, cheating spouses, or one spouse changes and can no longer live with the other one.  However, your FIRST priority is your teen and yourself.  Dating is the last thing you'd want to do since your just ended a marriage or long-term relationship.  Isn't it? 

Many men and woman quickly "hop" into another relationship after separating, ending a long-term relationship, or divorcing.  In some cases the ink isn't even dried on the divorce papers!  What type of message does this send to teens?   It sends the message that "they are not important but your love life is."  Nice!  It's no wonder teens have a lot of issues today.  Blended families are the norm.  If you don't take time to heal, take responsibility for your life/actions, and think about what just happened, you're bound to create the same "relationship" issues with another man or woman.  The player changes, but it's the same story -- different stage setting.

What if your teenage son or daughter doesn't get along with the new "man or woman" in your life?  What if the new "man or woman" treats your teen in an awful manner?  Are teens just supposed to SUCK IT UP and deal with it?  You'd think that your kids would be the NUMBER ONE priority in addition to yourself.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.  Many teens split their time between mom and dad and the new boyfriend and or girlfriend.  The new boyfriend or girlfriend may or may NOT treat your teen very well.  Is your teen supposed to take the abuse? Yes, it is abuse -- mental and emotional.  Look it up.  It's amazing that a lot of teens don't apply for emancipation at the age of 16.  They may as well do it because they're probably on their own in the first place.

If you're headed for divorce, seek help.  Your teens will be affected by YOUR decisions in YOUR life.  That's the way it goes when you're a parent.  The bottom line is that YOU have a RESPONSIBILITY to your teen.  You may want to think twice about the man or woman in your life.  Is it right or humane to allow someone to treat your teen like crap?  This will only manifest a ton of issues for you and your teen as she becomes an adult.  Remember that teens learn from their parents.  Later in life teens may experience dis-functional relationships, be too hard on themselves, not trust anyone, and have many other issues.  Plus, your teen may not be there for you.  Yes, it's better to forgive, but this can be hard to do.  Parents, remember that one day you'll be elderly.  If you allow the new boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband to treat your teen in an awful manner, do you think he or she will take care of you?  Take it from me; you'll end up in a nursing home all alone!  That's no bull!

Many parents struggle to parent their teen because of the way they were raised.  Unfortunately, most parents WERE NOT raised in a healthy, loving environment.  They try to compensate for their childhood by trying to be different from their parents.  This doesn't work.  In fact, it can create more problems.  Unless you break the cycle BEFORE you have kids, you'll probably continue the cycle in one form or another.  The good news is if you recognize that you're continuing the cycle, you can take steps to stop it which will be healthy for you and your teens.

If you were raised in an alcoholic, abusive environment, chances are you'll do what you can to make sure you don't turn into your mother or father or both.  Yes, there's more than a 90% chance that you can become an alcoholic, but you do have a choice.  You don't have to become your parents.  If you were raised with a lot of yelling and screaming, you may end up yelling and screaming at your kids.  Wake up and take care of yourself so you can take care of your teens.

Remember, the chaos that you were raised in can manifest in other ways.  For example, you may not have been able to go on family vacations.  To compensate for this in your childhood, you'll probably do whatever you can (whether or not you can afford it) to take your kids on vacation.  This is not the answer.  Yes, you may not have been able to go on vacation, but don't get yourself into debt by taking your kids on vacation each year.  You can do other things with your teens such as volunteer as a family, go on picnics, visit the park, or go rollerblading!

Tips and Tricks to Raising Your Teen

1.  Mind your words because they are powerful.  For example, if you "nit-pick" your teen about his or her weight, they may resent you or develop an eating disorder.  Many girls develop eating disorders because they're striving for perfection; feel ugly and unloved, and

2.  If you're teen does something that really ticks you off, walk away as fast as you can.  You don't want to get into a screaming match with your teen.  Remember WHY you're upset.  You don't dislike or hate your teen; it's THEIR ACTION that upsets you.

3.  Watch your body language.  They way you carry yourself can impact your teen.  However, you can send a message that you're not thrilled with their attitude or actions.  You can do this in a POSITIVE way by using your body language.

4.  Be confident when you communicate with your teen.  Stand your ground in a loving way.  Always, always remind your teen that you love her and no matter what she does, you'll still be there.

5.  Respect your teen!  They are a human being -- living and breathing!  Don't try to fix your teen.  If they like art, let them enjoy art.  If they want to paint their room black, let them paint their room black -- you can repaint it when they move out.  The fastest way to kill your relationship with your teen is to insult or berate him.  Remember, you were once a teen!

You can't go back to your childhood and fix it.  You can't change how you were raised, but you can sure as hell do something about how you raise YOUR TEEN.  If you are still asleep in your life, it's time to wake up.  Your teen is the future of this world.  Isn't it time to step up to the plate and become the best parent you can become?  Your teen needs you.  They grow up fast when compared to generations such as the "baby boomers."  Make the decision today to parent your teen with love and respect and tomorrow they'll be happier and healthier.

A school in South Carolina has brought back corporal punishment.  According to an article in Newsweek titled "The Principal and the Paddle," Principal David Nixon has reintroduced corporal punishment into John C. Calhoun Elementary in Calhoun Hills, S.C.

According to the article, "...As punishment for a "major offense," such as fighting or stealing, students are told to place both hands on the seat of a leather chair and brace for what Nixon calls "a whippin'." Before he begins, though, he sits the child down for a quiet talk about why he, or she, is in trouble. He tries to determine if a deeper issue, such as a problem at home, might warrant a meeting with a counselor. If the child shows remorse, Nixon will often send him or her back to class without a spanking. Otherwise, he makes sure he is calm, and he makes sure his elbow is still. Then he delivers "three licks" to the child's rear end. If the child is a girl, then a female administrator does it."  Is this necessary?  What about the responsibility of parents to discipline their kids?

Corporal punishment is not the answer -- it's a "short-term" solution.  Plus, it's considered to be abusive by most scholars.  However, most of the parents at John C. Calhoun Elementary feel that the paddle is a deterrent rather than a weapon.  For example, Tim Rhodes, 42 says, "...I agree with the policy," who has two children at John C.  "Kids know if they do something wrong, they are punished."

On the flip side, Principal Nixon likes to reward the kids.  He feels the positive reinforcement is better.  For example, "...The best form of discipline," he says, "is praise." He brings pizza for classes that perform well on tests, and he's plastered the teacher's lounge with statistics on each student's performance."  Positive reinforcement is the best.  Paddling can breed negativity and anger within kids.  They can carry this into their adulthood and in turn carry into their marriages and relationships.  If your teens have kids, they may paddle their kids.  It's a cyclical effect.

Discipline must start at home!  Our teachers are supposed to be teaching our kids and preparing them for the future.  Teachers who must stop the class to address teens that are out of control end up getting frustrated and then quit.  Not to mention that the rest of the class suffers.  It's imperative that parents, parent their teens.  If you're struggling with parenting, get help.  Contact the principal or teachers at your teens school, reach out to your church or spiritual community, or go online to find someone in your area that can help you.  It's not too late to turn around a negative situation into a positive one!

What do you think?  Would you be for corporal punishment in your teens school?  Do you administer corporal punishment?

It's not uncommon for teens to be part of blended or "step" families.  Unfortunately, not all families are like the beloved 1970s TV show The Brady Bunch.  It was after all, a television series.  Problems were resolved within a half hour and they usually had a "happy" and moral ending.  It's not that easy in the 21st century.

Parents and teens will benefit from open communication.  Teens can express their feelings about their new blended families.  It will take some time for everyone to adjust to the situation.  Parents that expect their teens to instantly bond with a step mom or step dad are in for a rude awakening.  You can expect that your teens may rebel because they're not thrilled that you are remarried.  That's just how it goes so get over it!

Teens can do their part by realizing and accepting that mom and dad are not getting back together.  Both have moved on and have new people in their life.  The sooner you can accept this, the better.  There's no use in going overboard with getting upset or rebelling, even though it's to be expected.  You have the power as to how long you'll misbehave or even if you misbehave at all.

Tips to a Successful Blended Family

1.  Have open communication.  Parents and teens need to talk about the new step mom or step dad.  Allow teens to vent their anger and frustration.  This is a good way to release negative emotions.  Parents it's up to YOU to let the "new" man or woman know that they can or cannot discipline your teens.  Don't wait until something happens like your teen gets caught smoking pot or drinking a six pack!  Set rules and boundaries early on so everyone is on the same page.

2.  Choose a family night.  The best way to get to really know everyone is to spend time with each other.  Set aside some time during the week or on the weekend for a family night.  Make sure that the date is acceptable for all parties involved.  Order some pizzas, have a family dinner night where everyone takes part in preparing the meal, or go out to dinner.  Sit around the table and play some board games and take time out to interact with one another.  You'll get to know each other better and the transition will be smoother.

3.  Seek professional help.  Seeing a Life Coach or Professional Counselor (if issues are beyond the scope of a life coach) may be a good idea for the entire family.  This is a good way to be proactive BEFORE you begin dating which could lead to a 2nd marriage.  You and your teens can express your feelings and deal with issues that may still be lingering from a separation or divorce.

Steps families don't have to be horrible.  Open communication between parents and teens is necessary to ensure a smooth transition as possible.  Blending of families has become a cultural norm.  Today, it's not uncommon for parents to be on their 2nd or 3rd marriage.  Of course, before you begin to date you may want to evaluate what went wrong in your first marriage before starting a long-term relationship.  If you're transitioning into a blended a family, make sure everyone is on the same page and you'll enjoy a happy family life.

Teens that are labeled as "problem" need help.  In the 21st century, teens grow up at a rapid pace.  It's not like the 1970s or 1980s.  Teens are bombarded with peer pressure and parent pressure.  It's no wonder that teens usually start drinking and doing drugs earlier and earlier.

Problem teens are often "labeled" this because they have behavioral or emotional issues.  Some teens develop anger issues because their home life sucks.  Mom and or dad can be abusive physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Perhaps mom or dad is an addict.  What do you expect teens to do?  Of course they're going to act out.  Duh!  Teens usually have responsibilities they're not ready for.  It becomes a matter of survival of the fittest. 

Teens that grow up in loving and nurturing families can still develop behavioral and emotional problems.  Moms, remember that you gave birth to your teens.  Once they're out, all bets are off.  Teens face issues such as self-esteem to body image to peer pressure to living up to parents' high expectations.  It's no wonder that teens are medicated! 

Instead of judging teens and slapping a label on them such as "problem," a little love and affection would serve them.  It's what they're looking for anyway.  Deep down inside all they want is to be loved, no that they matter, be provided for, and live a happy life.  Most troubled teens just want to be loved and that's it.  They want to fit in and just be themselves. 

Reaching problem teens will take time; it's not going to happen overnight.  Some teens may take more time to reach than others.  Patience and time are necessary.  Progress will vary for teens.  Some teens will make great strides straight-away while others will take more time. 

Parents mean well but can cause more problems for teens because they often live vicariously through their teens.  Note to parents:  you're way past your teen years.  You can still accomplish you goals and dreams, just don't do it through your teens.  Parents who have not dealt with their emotional issues from their childhood cause problems for their teens as well.  A tortured past that has yet to be faced only breeds more emotional trauma.  Your teen doesn't need anything else to deal with it.  It's a good idea for adults to deal with their past before they have kids.  If not, the cycle will only repeat.

Give problem teens love and attention is the best way to help them get past their issues.  Yes, psychotherapy, art therapy, and therapy in general can help.  But, good ol' fashioned love can help.  Most teens probably don't know what it's like to be really, truly loved.  How would you act if you weren't loved?  Let's give teens love and attention and watch as their troubles begin to melt away.

The U.S. has a very high divorce rate.  Some men and women begin new relationships BEFORE their divorce is finalized or during their separation from their spouse.  Parents don't realize how this can affect their teen.  Divorce is an upsetting situation families; especially the children.

Unfortunately, some moms and dads CHOOSE to have a NEW love life over their teen.  They usually ignore their teen's request to stop seeing the new man or woman.  This only creates animosity and tension between parents and their teen.  The situation can escalate into a dramatic situation.  Before you know it, you and your teen are not speaking or worse "going at each other" like ferocious lions!

What’s more important, your teen or your love life?  It's not healthy to begin a NEW relationship when you're separated or the ink isn't dried on the divorce papers.  If this relationship didn't work out, what makes you think the next one will?  There has to be reasons for a marriage that has ended.

Beginning a relationship with a new man or woman can cause a lot of tension, especially if the NEW person thinks he/she has POWER over your teen.  Remember, YOU ARE the parent.  Your new significant other walks a fine line when it comes to disciplining your teen.  In fact, it’s probably a good idea that he/she doesn’t discipline YOUR teen.

What if the NEW man or woman in your life doesn’t like your teen?  What do you do?  Who’s more important, your teen or the new man or woman in your life?  Unfortunately, most people choose the NEW man or woman versus their OWN child.  This is very sad.

Mom and dad, your teen needs your love and support.  Divorce is a difficult time for everyone.  Take time to figure things out BEFORE jumping into a NEW relationship.  Spend some alone time with you.  Explore the reasons for ending the marriage.  Heal yourself BEFORE getting involved with someone new.  Spend some time with your teen and talk about the divorce.  Reassure him that it’s NOT his fault!

A teen usually thinks divorce is his fault.  He’ll say things like, “…if I didn’t ask for this or that, mom and dad will still be together?”  He needs to know that it’s NOT his fault.  Sometimes people grow apart, it happens.

Parents have a responsibility to their teen to make sure they become well adjusted to the new living situation.  Often times, a teen splits time between mom and dad.  Summer with mom or dad or certain holidays with mom or dad – this can be rough on a teen.   Dating a new man or woman too soon can be a recipe for disaster.  Instead, focus on healing from the painful divorce and then find a new love relationship.  It will be better for your relationship with YOUR teen!